Back to the grind

[MomaJoni]

Hi Everyone,

This time last year I was waiting to start my Stims for my first round of IVF. If someone had told me back then, that I would have had a baby by now which I have had to spend my savings on a headstone for, I would have never gone through with those injections. But here I am.

With 3 embryos on freeze, I am now a couple of weeks away from my FET consultation with all the familiar anxiety.

Over 13 years of trying now and I am tired but not yet giving up. My babies due date is 25/03/2022 and so we are going to Rome to distract ourselves. I am on some pretty hefty antidepressants at the moment too which do seem to be helping me function.

So, I'm back to the grind girls. Back to peeing on sticks, back to the hardest experience of my life. But at least we aren't alone right?

[NP2021]

Hi MomaJoni my story is similar to yours I also lost a baby at 18 weeks in October 2021. My due dat would have been 23/03, I am on holiday also so will be distracted. That was my second loss at 18 weeks both IVF pregnancies. With God we will get through this happy you are starting FET soon. Message me if you need any support xxx

[Picalilli99]

I’m so sorry for you loss and that you are in this situation. And I imagine as you approach the due date it must bring up more painful emotions for you. Nice that you are able to get away to Rome. I think nice distractions can be so helpful. Sending you big hugs and I hope the FET consultation goes well and that you feel a little better once you have a plan in place. Take care lovely xx

[LadyM2019]

I’m so sorry for your loss momajoni. It’s truly heartbreaking.. I lost my son at 24 weeks in September 2021 after our second round of IVF (FET 2). He was our last frozen embryo.

We are also going through more treatment. We’re a same sex couple and my partner banked some embryos late last year. I’m currently going through ivf now. Let’s hope 2022 brings us luck 🍀 🤞🤞 xx

[ZiggyandBC]

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can’t begin to imagine the pain. I couldn’t scroll by without sending my love to you and your partner. It’s such a shit journey at times but I hope you and your partner have all the support you need right now x

[AuroraXen]

I'm so sorry you're back here Lovely - in the nicest possible way! What you've been though is just heartbreaking. I'm really glad you have something nice to look forward to 💚😘 Wishing you so much luck with your next FET - Goodness knows you are due a break xxx

[Boo718]

You are absolutely not alone. I am so sorry to hear this my heart is acheing for you. I hope you have someone to speak to to help. I want to send you soo much hugs and best wishes xxx

[Hoping20]

Hi there, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy. This is utterly heartbreaking. I know nothing anyone says can take an ounce of your pain away. I really hope you have lots of support around you and that you have reached out to the ladies on this forum. I wish you all the very best for you upcoming FET. No doubt it will bring up lots of different emotions but I am hopeful you will get through it. Take care of yourself and take extra care around your babies due date. I know it will be more pain and suffering...please be kind to yourself x

[Sunflower35]

So sorry about your loss. Please look after yourself. Nothing will make you feel better, I have been there and approaching due date made it really tough. Just do what feels right, I hope Rome helps as a peaceful restoration space & moment to move forward.

[katiehopeful81]

Our baby would have been due in August it’s so sad. At least you haven’t given up. I don’t know if I have any fight left. It’s such a hard thing to go through. I hope your next round goes well xx

[Positivechangeplease]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Sadly so many of us have been there and I think your going on holiday is the best idea. At the time my baby was due last summer at exactly the same month a girl from work went off on Mat leave and you can’t help thinking that was supposed to be me. One month later, a failed FET added to that but 2 months later a BFP ensued and almost a year later I’m due just a few weeks earlier than before - just a year later than hoped… there is hope out there. For now look after yourself and be kind to yourself. It’s really hard and there are no wrong decisions xxx

[Koala365]

I am so sorry for your loss. I had an MMC which was truly heartbreaking especially at my age as that may be my only experience of a baby but I can't imagine how much more painful a late miscarriage must be. Going away for your due date is a fantastic idea. That's what we did and it really helped. I found the anticipation in the run up to my due date worse than the day itself. Of course I woke up crying but on the day itself we went to a little church, lit a candle, said a prayer and I thought of my baby surrounded by my dear departed loved ones in heaven. I don't know what your faith background is but that really helped me and my husband has none/is angnostic/atheist and lighting a candle like that was helpful for him too. I guess it's a symbolic thing and the marking of the occasion in a solemn way. I hope you find some way to mark your due date in a way that is helpful to you. And all the best for your FET and well done for your strength on getting back in the saddle again and pushing forward. I hope and pray this FET works out for you Xx

[Eternalwarrior]

Hello lovely, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby and this is so heartbreaking, a suffering that no mother should ever have to go through. So so painful 😥We also lost a baby boy at nearly 18 weeks and had another 4 early miscarriages so I can understand a little how you are feeling. We just kept going. I am currently 35 weeks pregnant, so I hope this gives you some hope ❤️

Please remember that you are stronger than you think you are. I found my due date extremely hard and the anticipation in the run up to it very difficult as well, so I think going to Rome for a break sounds like a fab idea. Be kind to yourself, take one day at a time and look after yourself. I wish all the best for your next transfer and please feel free to PM me if you want to chat. Sending you big virtual hugs and strength xx

[MomaJoni]

I do the payroll at my workplace and there is a section where you report people going on Maternity. Every time I scroll place the blank box it upsets me knowing my name should be in there. And seeing meetings scheduled for days where I know I should be at home with my new baby.

Also a lady who helped me buy my new car was due on the same date as me and I got an email from her last week saying she is now on maternity leave and it just really crushed me. It had to be me that lost my baby, as I am the most unlucky person on the planet.

[Eternalwarrior in reply to MomaJoni]

I am so so sorry 😢😢😢😢 My due date was November 2019 and I literally had 4 colleagues expecting either a couple of weeks before me or after, my cousin expecting 3 days before my due date and one of my best friends (at the time!) expecting just after my due date. That was in addition to other relatives' and friends' pregnancies... Two and a half years later, I still struggle... and every time I see those babies, I can't help but think, what my baby would have been like and what he would be doing right now.I couldn't believe it when women who had gone through the same told me at the time that it gets a bit easier with time, but it does, although I think of my baby every single day and he will always be in my heart. Thinking of you and sending you all my love xxx