I just wanted to vent really, a girl a know got pregnant a month after starting to try with her partner she’s only just turned 20 btw but was 18 when she fell pregnant. It’s my mums friends daughter. She got pregnant the first month of trying. She had a baby boy who she gave birth to 8 weeks after my miracle ivf baby came into the world after 10 years of trying to conceive him through ivf. When her baby were 7 months old she announced she were pregnant again but unfortunately she lost the baby early on. By this point it was obvious she was trying for another baby. I wasn’t wrong in Jan this year she announced she was pregnant again and due in sept. So In the space of 16 months she’s been pregnant 3 times and tonight she announced she’s having a girl so now has one of each. I’m not going to lie this has hit me hard.
Please don’t get me wrong I love my baby boy to bits and I am forever grateful I’ve got him. I’m aware some people on this forum are still trying for their first miracle so I hate to sound ungrateful but it’s not that it’s the fact im nearly 34 yes im not old but I would of liked children earlier and I hate the fact I can not pick and chose when i want to make a family or extend it. It gets me angry, upset and yes jealous. I hate to say it but I am.
I’ve paid thousands of pounds put my body though so much stress and my journey is still not over. I’ve got one tube left so the chances of it happening are unlikely especially with stage 4 endo on top. I’ve been told to do another transfer I need to have my remaining tube clipped. I’m on the NHS waiting list as I can’t afford to pay for anymore private treatment at the min. We all know how long the wait is for NHS. 😢 I’ve got 2 embryos left which are not the best quality. When il even get to use them I don’t know. On top of that I’m paying every year to keep them on ice. I feel angry, bitter and dam right pissed off.
This journey is so hard. Just when you think you hit jackpot it starts all over again. That bitter jealous feeling. I hate it, but I can’t help it.
Why do I fee like this… I suppose I just hate I’m not in control 😢 xxx
Love to you all ♥️
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Faith103
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Hey love. Just wanted to say. Everything you feel is valid as you've had a damn tough journey and continuing to do so and you are entitled to feel how you feel. I have good days and bad days. Sometimes close friends/relatives pregnancies feels like a gut punch, other times it doesn't affect me so much. It depends where I am in my TTC journey....
Please, please don't compare your journey to anyone elses.....especially your mum's friends young fertile daughter. She's not relevant in your journey. As you well know there will always be people we know In our circle who fall pregnant easily. We will never escape this, sometimes I am accepting of this, sometimes I'm not 🤷🏼♀️ but I'm finding accepting and not comparing...it has a little less of a hold on me or doesn't linger quite as long.
Those two embryos on ice could be your boys siblings. You don't know. They wouldn't freeze them if they weren't of good enough quality. I've seen many on here get pregnant from average/poor/ungraded even! Embryos. So don't lose hope yet. Also as the embryos are already made, your age is irrelevant when you transfer them. I understand the wait must be frustrating though and it is unfair how expensive it all is with no guarantees.
Thank you for your kind words. Your right this is my journey but I can’t help but think other people have it so easy when it comes to children.
I am positive some days and negative the next. I think because I am due on my period end again I know the dreaded reminder I can’t conceive naturally is there again. 😔
I hope you’re okay and your journey is running as smoothly as possible.This journey is so hard xxx
I know those feeliglngs well. I think it has a lot to do with others getting so easily what we want so badly and are trying so hard for. It really isn't fair and the injustice just burns.
My husband died when I was 23 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby girl. She arrived just before Christmas and I love her to bits! But I am consumed by grief and that pisses me off. I should have been so so happy and excited at the birth...instead it was traumatic as I was alone. My husband wasn't there. I felt intense jealousy seeing the "couples" on the ward so excited with their newborns. Trust me...when you have tried so hard, lost so much...seeing others with what you have desperately wanted is painfully difficult.
We always wanted siblings and planned to start trying as soon as we could after the birth of our miracle baby. Since he is dead, I'm now 39 and there is no sperm or frosties on ice... I have so many obstacles and revolting decisions ahead of me at a time when I honestly feel least equipped to deal with them. But because of my age, I have to think about these things and make a decision of if I buy sperm and try to give our daughter a sibling alone. The IVF journey was tough with a loving partner. It will be rough without him, raising an infant alone and financially crippling if I decide to go down this path.
So yes...those feelings of bitterness. I think they are very normal and completely understandable. Because NOTHING we are going through is fair. IVF is not fair. It's a blessing to have the opportunity but it isn't fair. That's why we feel bitterness. Our journeys are no where near as easy as other people's and there is no rhyme or reason why we pulled the short straw. It's true we don't know other's journeys but ours is hard enough without seeing others seemingly effortlessly fall pregnant.
So please don't feel bad about the bitterness. You have enough on your plate to deal with without feeling guilty for feeling the way you do. Biggest hugs iVF sucks ass. We sure are lucky to have it available but man...it really takes it out of us 😅
Oh, dear, what a heart breaking story of yours 💔💔💔 I can definitively not tell you what to do about siblings or not to your daugheter. But imagine that you got your daughter! Your beloved husband will always be with you through your odaughter. Although also very painful at times, especially the first year and also by every milestone, it must be a richness to have her with you and bring her up to someone he would be very proud of ❤❤❤ Big hugs ❤
I can totally understand, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up. You’ve had an agonising journey and no, it isn’t fair. My sister got pregnant the first month of trying, the she had her second after 4 months of trying.
Women I’ve worked with talked to me about how they planned getting pregnant so as to choose their kids birth months.
Another woman I work with said to me she was ‘mortified’ when she found she was pregnant again when her first was only 8 months old.
All this while I was trying to get pregnant just that one time, and it took years….
Like you we’ve got a little boy now and trying for a sibling. It’s really not fair….
Don’t feel guilty for feeling the way you do - no one who’s not gone through infertility will ever understand x
So this may be a controversial response, but I've been with my husband since I was a teenager and I have no regrets that I didn't get pregnant at 18, or 20, or even 25. I may have had the choice at that age (who knows) and was advised by some consultants to get started early because I had endometriosis or even that getting pregnant was a treatment. But at that stage I didn't want children and also I wanted to travel and have a life and career and that was what was important then. My priorities changes when I got to 30 and my hormones become overwhelming, and now the money and all the years of disappointments and what I've put my body and mind through have been very hard. But I'm not jealous of friends who accidentally got pregnant at 18, or those who decided to start a family early as I had a great life and it was not what I wanted then. Theirs is a completely different path and it will probably have been very hard for a lot of different reasons than mine's been hard more recently. Maybe this young woman is looking at you thinking how your life planned out so well and maybe you had opportunities she didn't etc. If she's had a loss she's experienced bereavement and that probably won't go even if she has five more babies. I was pregnant three times in the space of 6months last year from IVF and that didn't make me feel successful, less so if anything. She's not you and you're not her so if you can not compare, that's better for your mental health. I have family and friends who've got pregnant immediately 'without really trying', accidentally (including one in her mid 40s) some have had terminations some have had five children and go on how they have to be careful as they get pregnant just looking at their OH (haha - that helps). These things are upsetting and I've definitely had the 'why me' or 'why not me' despair. The way you're feeling is understandable and natural - don't add guilt or feeling you're a bad person to the mix if you can avoid it. If it gets too much, maybe look at some counselling - no, it doesn't change your situation but CBT in particular is great to help you reset your thoughts and give you a bit of peace in all the chatter x
This was one of the main reasons I ended up using the NHS Talking Therapies. I felt so bitter and jealous with the world to be honest and then even worse than that had a constant guilt that brought me into a bit of a downhill spiral.
The bitterness was off the rails with me. I used to be angry that I had to get out the way on the pavement for a woman pushing a pushchair because she had what I had AND I had to make way for her like I was an inferior being. I lost touch with pregnant friends and couldn't look at people who had a bump or a pram. Ironically one of those people could have been you with your toddler! But the reality was it wasn't YOU I was bitter/angry about it was the injustice of life!!
Talking Therapies didn't give me a fix as such but she just said to me 'you have been through so much and its all so shit and everything you feel is completely valid' and all of a sudden the guilt went away. YOU have been through so much and its totally normal to feel envious of other people who seemingly have got what you want and have got it so easily.. especially when you have been through so much. And as others have said no-one can understand the trials of infertility if you haven't been through them.
I think you should give yourself a break, and tell yourself its absolutely fine to feel like this, because you have been through so much, and life is ruddy unfair. I think at other times it also helps to try and put things into perspective (when feeling more rational). I know a lot of friends with children envy my life because I am childless, have holidays, do what I want, eat our most weekends etc.. so they may be bitter about that and wonder why I am down sometimes (They don't know about infertility struggles). Equally I read your post and I am a lot older, have never managed a frosty, have had to give up on own eggs and still childless.. so there is a lot I envy about your life! The main thing is to accept this is COMPLETELY normal... so don't beat yourself up about it. Spend some time in self pity as its an important thing to comfort yourself as not many other people will. Have a good cry etc. Maybe give Talking Therapies a try as its free and very good.. you could be on the edge of a bit of a downhill spiral like me as I sense you are struggling to find the positives in life?
Then over time try and think positive about your next transfer and your opportunity for your next child. My sisters children came from her worst two embryos transfers rounds 7 and 8
Most of all - give yourself a break - everything you feel is totally valid but is destructive if it stays around too long so definitely look for some counselling or similar
Thank you for your kind words. It’s such a tough journey, you sound like you have had it hard too. I hope your okay. We have to keep going but some days are so hard xxx sending love your way
I can totally understand... Sometimes, in my worst moments, I was looking at the friends and people I know who were so lucky to conceive naturally “on their first try” and I actually realized that each one of them had some other big problem in their life that, thank God, I didn’t have... It’s not easy to compare with infertility since it can destroy you on so many levels, but there are also really cruel life stories behind of those people who were “ lucky on their first try”... sending lots of love ❤️❤️❤️
This gets me every time. Its just like cooking a meal to some people. Drives mrs crazy how it can be so simple for some to get pregnant, 😢 I do think your right these people must have problems else where xxx
I know exactly how you feel, I used to cry whenever someone announced they are pregnant after just getting married while it took me 4 cycles to get my daughter!
Ah I get this. I like you have one miracle boy and am mostly at peace with the fact that he’ll be an only. But sometimes the announcement of a second pregnancy will unexpectedly knock me. Ridiculously a friend who really struggled to have her second has just given birth and that hurt even though I know how hard it was for her 🤷♀️
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Is this normal or should I be worried? 
We’re out. I haven’t cried. Am I numb or just hardened?
I am such a bad person? 
Don't feel like I can do this anymore 
Am I really pregnant?!
