The dream is over already!

[FrancyItaly]

The title says it all. I only had a small hcg growth and hight NK cells. I’m on steroids and will do intralipids again tomorrow but I feel we have already lost this battle.

Not only I have PCOS and have no hope to conceive naturally, I also needed to suffer from recurrent miscarriage, I have a heterozygous mutation and who knows what else they haven’t discovered yet.

I have it all. I feel hopeless, angry, sorry for my husband and family. I’m not sorry for myself, I am strong and resilient, I can go through another miscarriage and whatever I have to do after to conceive again, but I am honestly embarrassed that I have to break the news to family again. I wish I hadn’t told them.

None was even excited about my pregnancy announcement, like they knew it was going to end again without children, and if my first lost baby has been totally forgotten by everyone imagine the following two, they meant absolutely nothing to anyone.

I feel sad and I want to do nothing next, and at the same time I feel angry and I would like to transfer my last two frozen embryos next, yes double transfer this time and see if we can win it! But probably this would be a bad idea.

[Jess1981]

Oh I’m sorry to hear thus but I hope this one isn’t another loss. Of course you won’t forget the babies you sadly lost💔 it’s an awful thing for any women to go through 💔. Miscarriages seem to be a taboo subject that most people don’t know how to discuss. I hope in time that attitude changes. I think people think they are protecting you by not discussing it and people are cautious with getting excited in the early weeks , I also have felt hard done by facing infertility endo and losing our daughter at 20 weeks pregnant and recurring miscarriages. I have also felt I’ve let down my husband and late daughter I blamed myself for her death for a longtime I know that feeling - but you haven’t you are someone who is fighting a tough battle . My mil has o sensitivity and thinks as we are having a baby we somehow will in her words “ put what happened behind” referring to our late daughter I’m unsure how the bloody hell we do that I was so shocked I couldn’t even think of a reply! . Some people just don’t get it. My advice is to surround yourself with those who love you , who will support you through this difficult journey as Ive often said the journey doesn’t just stop at the BFP . You won’t know it’s over until you have the scan and I hope that goes well and offers reassurance. It’s such an awful wait between BFP and viability scan. Of course emotions will run high. I’m keeping everything crossed for you Xx 😘

[FrancyItaly in reply to Jess1981]

No as you say, the worry only starts when you get a BFP… after that I’ve never had good news, always bad news. No catching up, no miracle for me. I really want to know why. Why can’t the situation turn around for me just once? Thank you for always replying to my posts hun, you give me a huge help x

[Jess1981 in reply to FrancyItaly]

It’s totally crap I’m so sorry 😢 . I don’t know if pregnancy levels get to a certain level and taper off with increase I pray for a miracle for you☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻🙏🙏🙏 not sure how the HCG rises. I have heard of quite a lot of women with recurring miscarriages having babies it is possible. You will get your rainbow 🌈 you’ve just been incredibly unlucky so far. 🥲💔I read an article when I was in midst of my last miscarriage and this women had 2 late losses and 3 other earlier losses the title read “don’t tell me you’re sorry “ referring to sonographers breaking awful news to her repeatedly 🥲 I could really identify with it. She did go onto to have children eventually nice happy ending🌈 ❤️ Good for her writing what most people avoid discussing 😁 husband & I saw this really nice decent looking couple both having their heads down she looked as white as sheet and him with his arm around her walking out of the maternity department probably got shite news at the scan 🥲💔I so felt for them we’ve been there quite a few times ourselves. They looked like they’d make really good parents and it’s crap it happens to people like that. I don’t understand why nature selects such decent folk. But those that are unable to cope with the children they have already can’t stop popping them out there is no justice 🤬 it makes me so sad for everyone here. 💔 I also another lady who was under the care of my miscarriage specialist overheard her saying her name having a scan and I really hope she got good news at her viability scan 🙏 sge would’ve had at least 3 losses in a row as our hospital won’t accept referrals under 3 in a row. Sadly most of the time they don’t often know with why some pregnancies aren’t viable and some are 💔I’m so sorry you are going through this uncertainty and hope you have plenty of support. I wish I had better advice but I will keep my fingers crossed for a complete miracle you ☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️🌈🌈🌈Xx

[KiboXX]

Oh lovely I’m sorry you’re feeling so low. Have you had another hcg done since the last one? Because that was still well within the normal range and doesn’t mean it’s over xxx

[FrancyItaly in reply to KiboXX]

Yes I repeated them and even after doing intralipids and taking loads of medication it only got worse. With all 3 pregnancies the levels started off so high and then slowed off. I think the elevated NK must play a role in this. Who knows!

02/02: 2016

04/02: 3308

06/02: 5281

08/02: 6737

Thank you hun xxx

[KiboXX in reply to FrancyItaly]

Maybe I’m an optimist but…those numbers still look within the normal range to me. Around 5/6k the rising rate really slows down. I completely understand why you feel deflated after what you’ve been through but I’m going to be here with a little bit of hope for you because it ain’t over until it’s over ♥️ Big hugs xxx

[Hopecontinues in reply to KiboXX]

I'm clinging to this bit of hope for you too. You really deserve a break and I hope this is yours. Big hugs from me too. ❤

[FrancyItaly in reply to Hopecontinues]

Thank you so much 💗

[FrancyItaly in reply to KiboXX]

Thank you but unfortunately a 28% rise only in two days doesn’t sound promising. Unless there is a miracle out there for me, which I truly deserve ❤️

[KiboXX in reply to FrancyItaly]

You absolutely do and I’m keeping everything crossed for you xxx

[FrancyItaly in reply to KiboXX]

It’s a miracle it’s now doubling in 2 days 15 hours. I was shocked this morning. I was meant to do IVIG but they sent me home instead. Hopefully it progresses well x

[KiboXX in reply to FrancyItaly]

This is bloody wonderful news! I’ve got a good feeling about this one 🙏🏻♥️ Xxx

[FrancyItaly in reply to KiboXX]

Let’s hope and pray. Thank you 💗

[Bella_Bee in reply to FrancyItaly]

Tesoro, what's the latest? Thinking of you and sending you all the luck in the world. Dai dai dai dai piccolo.. ❤

[DG2022]

I’m so sorry 😞 I’m in similar situation at the moment. I’ve been advised the gene mutation that we have is common and it’s nothing to be concerned about though? What supplements are you taking? Xx

[FrancyItaly in reply to DG2022]

Sorry you are in a similar situation. What sort of supplements are you referring to? You mean for the mutation? I am on blood thinners, 2 Clexane per day x

[DG2022]

Yes sorry - I’m also on clexane but told this was not because I have the mutation. I asked consultant if I should be on folate supplement and he said it wouldnt do any harm. Are your embryos good quality? Xx

[FrancyItaly in reply to DG2022]

Yes the 2 I transferred were top quality. For the mutation I take this plus Proceive.

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[DG2022]

Thank you for posting this. I was told my embryos were grade A and because we are young it’s unlikely to be embryo quality and yet there’s apparently nothing wrong with me. NoIdea why we’ve been dealt this. 3rd miscarriage now. 😒 xx

[SK73]

So sorry to read this, so so tough😔 sending you big hugs ❤

[FrancyItaly in reply to SK73]

Thank you 💗

[Redsequin]

This makes me so angry and sad for you. It's just not fair in any way at all. I wish those of us so desperate to bring a little one into a loving home could catch a break! I'm also sorry it's hard with feeling like family was expecting this/doesn't care, but I think in all likelihood they're just a bit clueless. I hope you do have one or two people who truly get the agony of all this and can provide you with the support you deserve. xxxx

[FrancyItaly in reply to Redsequin]

Thank you for your message. Luckily you lovely ladies here are a huge support xxx 💕

[Hoping20]

I read your post and really feel for you right now. This journey to motherhood is so incredibly hard. Infertility, pregnancy loss, fertility treatment...only those of us who go though this journey will ever understand. I really hope you and your husband are able to support each other right now. Feel what you need to feel, say what you need to say, do what you need to do. Please look after yourself. Thinking of you x

[FrancyItaly in reply to Hoping20]

I know, it feels like it gets harder every time. If the pregnancy stops I have to go through a miscarriage again (after 5 months), so hard and so unfair. I will try to take one day at a time and deal with what happens. Thank you 💕

[Hoop123]

I'm so sorry 😔 I really hope things turn around for you. Keeping everything crossed since the numbers are still going up! This journey is just so so hard and unfair. You definitely deserve some good news x

[FrancyItaly in reply to Hoop123]

I hope so too, thank you 💕

[Hidden]

I'm so so sorry FrancyItaly. I know what you are going through. So sad but also so pissed at the whole world at the moment. But I just still hope for you and wish you that is not game over yet! xxx

[Ubeeten8]

I’m so sorry to read that. Keep strong xx

[ToughCOOKIE78]

I’m so sorry hun. Yes HCG is indicative of whether a pregnancy is starting off, but unfortunately not indicative of whether it’ll continue. And I’m not saying that to take away from you the last bit of hope you have, I’m saying because the factors that come into play in a round of IVF are so many that the last thing you should be is embarrassed to having to break the news to your family.Forget about them! What do they know about your struggles?

You said you’re resilient- that’s important when it comes to IVF. Keep pushing, do all the tests you can do (if you can privately as it’s much quicker) and try again.

Maybe this time won’t be a miracle, but the next time can be 💕

Took me 6 years to get mine, but we got there in the end!

Lots of love and strength to you! Xx

[ttcemmie]

Hi Francesca. Sorry to hear this. It's not not not fair. Really not fair. This baby is just as important as any other baby and I'm sorry your family aren't as supportive as you need. Hopefully it's that they don't know what to say. Loss is hard for others, but this baby is part of your family and you should not feel embarrassed about telling them. I'm sending lots of hugs and love. Really thinking of you. xxxx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you xx