35th birthday

[Givemesunshine1]

I’m 35 soon & no living children.

I remember feeling like this on my 30th too. 30 & childless I’d tell myself.

What have I actually achieved in 35 years. All I’ve ever wanted was a child. I felt over the moon being pregnant with our son & lost him. I felt hopeful with our rainbow baby & lost him too. I’ve had 3 embryos put inside my womb but not grown.

What am I celebrating? What am I meant to be happy about?

I’ve made the mistake of inviting my family round on my birthday & I know I have to be happy. They don’t understand any of it.

‘Be happy you’re alive’ I got told, really? At the moment I’m not fussed.

[Lovemylion]

Hey love

I couldnt not reply to this post.

I'm so sorry to read that you lost your precious son. 💔And that you have had transfers that haven't worked for you yet. It doesn't mean that it won't work again for you though hun. I understand that isn't much comfort when feeling low. I understand the emotional toll of going through each round is really hard.

Birthdays, Christmas etc all feel like major milestones especially when we have a vision of how our life should look like at that time.

It is completely valid to feel how you feel.

Please reach out to family, friends, outside support and please be "selfish" on your birthday and do what YOU want to do.

Big hugs.

Xxx

[MagicTourmaline]

I am soo sorry for your losses and going through it all...I completely feel your pain and I wish there was a magic sentence what would make it all better for you but there is no such a thing... 😔

Every big event is so hard, each for their own reason...

If you have to cancel your family, do it, dont do anything what would make you feel bad...

Sending you lots of love and hope... ❤

[Redsequin]

Hi lovely. I just wanted to say I'm so so sorry you're feeling low with your birthday coming up.

Also, I know it can be easy to feel like you haven't achieved anything, but I promise you you have. Just by keeping going every day through infertility and loss, you've achieved more and probably developed more emotional intelligence than most people.

I also second what @Lovemylion says about putting yourself first on your birthday. Do whatever makes you feel most happy: other people will understand, and if they don't that's their problem.

Hugs xxx

[FrancyItaly]

I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I know how devastating it is. Birthdays are a sad reminder that we are a year older and another year we are not yet parents, I know how you feel. Maybe you are still in time to cancel your birthday if you don’t feel like it? Remember to put yourself first, especially on your birthday. Sending you lots of love and strength and I hope your dream comes true soon x

[butterfliez]

Hi I am so very sorry you lost your son & your rainbow baby ! life can be awfully cruel & devastating & it’s difficult to ever feel hopeful after so much heartache, I’m sorry your embryo transfers haven’t been successful since.The years seem to go by so quickly when going through fertility struggles , fighting our way through this battle of becoming a mum to a living child to raise

I know exactly how your feeling , after ttc for 7 years 2 ivf cycles finally become pregnant last year to then have my daughter born sleeping at 34 weeks. Everyday Is a struggle isn’t it . Grief is all consuming & your right that others can’t really understand how we feel unless they’ve been through it.

Family / friends can say some insensitive comments not meant to harm us in anyway but they just don’t get it .

You don’t have to celebrate your upcoming birthday , but just remember that your so strong to just be able to get up again after such trauma ! & even when it seems like there’s not anything left in us we always have a glimmer of hope , even if it’s just an ounce no one can take that away !

Whatever your next steps ahead are I wish you all the best ! Xx

[Hoping20]

Hello, I read your post and it is truly heartbreaking. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy and your rainbow baby. I know every single day must be a struggle for you. I hope you have support around you to get through the extra difficult times. I know birthdays and occasions like Christmas are very hard to deal with so please be kind to yourself on your upcoming birthday and do what will put a smile on your most deserving face. On my 35th birthday I was getting my head around the fact that I would need to go through IVF. On my 36th birthday I had just suffered a MMC from my first IVF cycle. Fast forward 4 years...my arms were still empty on my 40th birthday after 3 more failed IVF cycles. No one can ever truly understand the hurt and pain we endure...only the women on this forum. I wish you positive vibes for your upcoming birthday and really hope your arms will be full very soon. Take care x

[DG2022]

Really sorry for your losses. I’m also 35 soon, starting TTC at 31…I also feel the same about not celebrating this year. I will be going away for a few days with my other half and dog though whatever the outcome of our latest FET. I’ve signed myself off work so I don’t have to put on a happy face. Nobody really understands unless you’ve gone through it even if your family mean well. Just be who you want to be and don’t worry - they are your family and they should accept you for bad times and good. You could tell them directly that you don’t want fuss this year just a few quiet drinks and a understanding of your situation xx

[Sambab]

Hi feeling the same only I'm 42 and childless.Every month is agony this month especially as I haven't had a period since November. Perimenopause the doctor calls it...torture is what I call it. Those who have never experienced pregnancy loss or infertility will never understand. My family also say be thankful you are alive, but most days I feel I don't have anything to live for. All I've ever wanted is a baby and now I have to accept its never going to happen (unless I win the lottery).

Wishing you some kind of happiness for you birthday and sending a prayer that things will change for you. ❤

[Givemesunshine1]

Thank you for ur kind comments. It’s a really difficult feeling as it’s a reminder of each year passing, my family see it as all positive but I imagined I’d have children by this age and when pregnant quite right I imagined I’d have living children at 35. But nope. What presents could I possibly want. I actually feel retired. I’ve got so many hobbies. I miss my babies so much and I’m a week away from AF & I’ve been feeling like I could be pregnant so I’m dreading more heartbreak especially on top of birthday. I’m sure it’s a rollercoaster of emotions that’ll go up again soon, hopefully.