WTF appointment this week 😳

[Sarah_a_2018]

The time has finally come round to meet with the consultant following our failed IVF cycle, at the time I was so angry, felt like I’d been left to deal with this failed cycle by myself but now the time has passed it was good to have the time to heal and at least as difficult as this appointment will be for me, I feel like I can be a lot more rational and ask everything I need to, hoping to get some answers and make a decision for our next steps hopefully, I still don’t know what they are and am waiting until this appointment but even with the time that’s passed, my rational brain tells me the clinic and staff have done their job and the ivf hasn’t worked, my emotional brain is still telling me, I don’t want to go through treatment in that clinic again, we only have one more funded cycle, only have this clinic available to us but I’m not making any decisions until after Tuesday.

I’ve made some positive changes to my diet since we saw a nutritionist, I’ve lost the 5kg I gained from the IVF and the comfort eating that followed, back to training and while we work out what steps to take next on our fertility journey and allow the time for our diet improvements to have a positive effect on our egg/sperm quality for either natural or assisted conception, I’m training for a powerlifting competition in August, made a plan, set myself some goals and was at peace with the decisions I’ve made, until today 😳

Found out today that 3 more women I used to train with are pregnant, I only found out through suggested stories on Instagram and while I’m happy for them, made me feel totally defeated, was such a hard blow but then I’ve found other peoples pregnancies so hard that I’ve shut myself off from social media and pregnant people to only focus on me and my journey, I just feel that I’m getting nowhere and I want to be pregnant and have a baby but I’m just not ready to try IVF again, it’s probably not helping I’m due AF this week, have been I’ll with the cold last few days and slight spotting and mild cramps just to remind me I’m not pregnant and my period is on its way.

Sorry for the long post, feel free to scroll past lol I just needed to get this out of my head because it’s been eating me up all day and I don’t have anyone to talk about this stuff to.

[hoping-for-the-best]

Sorry you’re going through a tough time - it sounds like you are taking all the right steps and focusing on you though which is a good thing. Unfortunately those pregnancy posts just creep up and intrude on our lives when we least expect it, like a dagger to the stomach. It’s understandable that that would throw you off-kilter (three announcements at once, seriously??) but don’t feel you have to put on a brave face. This is a really tough journey and if you need to isolate yourself from that then go right ahead. You’re doing all the right things and it sounds really positive the steps you’re putting into action.

I hope your WTF appointment goes well and gives you some closure, as well as a plan to look forward to. Your time will come. All the best xxx

[Sarah_a_2018 in reply to hoping-for-the-best]

Thank you for the kind words xxx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Sarah_a_2018. If it’s any help I have some questions I could email you in confidence if you want. At home on my mini iPad at the moment, but if you want them, email me at [e-mail] and I will send them. Good luck with the appointment. Diane

[Sarah_a_2018 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thanks Diane, I’ve sent you an email, hope I’ve sent it on time, thanks

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK in reply to Sarah_a_2018]

Hi. Not in my office till Wednesday, but I’d not to late I will get the questions to you then. Diane

[Sarah_a_2018 in reply to DianeArnold]

Hi Diane, I had my appointment today but if you could still send me the questions as I didn’t find today as helpful as I would have like but I’ve been offered another consultation if I need it, thanks

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK in reply to Sarah_a_2018]

Hi Sarah. All done! Diane

[Joanna1701]

So sorry to hear you're feeling crappy Sarah. Wow hearing of 3 pregnancies all at once, that's so stressful!

I have to say though, well done for getting back on track with losing the 5kg & sorting your training plan out. Exercise always helps my mood so hopefully getting back to training will help you organize your thoughts, like it does for me

Hope your appointment goes well & you get some peace of mind as to when you want to try the process again.

I think you're very brave

[Sarah_a_2018 in reply to Joanna1701]

Thank you 😊 it’s been hard work but given me a focus and something I needed to do, I let everything go as soon as the IVF was over, comfort are, didn’t train and when I did I wasn’t motivated to do anything but now I have goals and a plan, the plan ends up changing every month when I get my period and get emotional thinking about this journey and how hard t is so I want to go back to treatment right away but emotionally I’m just not ready, I need the time to sort my body and my brain out, let me heart heal and get ready for the next hurdle, whatever that may be.

Thank you 😊 xxx

[Wishfully]

I have my follow up this week too (on Thursday). For me it’s my second CP in a row... I don’t know if I’ll get answers, or if we’ll do anything differently. It’s great that you’re getting on with your training - I’ve let everything go, my motivation, my fitness & really want it back! I hope you come up with a plan with your consultant that works for you... maybe with a break or some natural cycles. Let me know how you get on XX

[Sarah_a_2018 in reply to Wishfully]

That was me in January, gave up on everything, didn’t eat and what I did eat consisted mostly of Diet Coke, chocolate and cake, everything I’m not supposed to have 🙈 it’s been good to get the focus back and something to motivate me.

You just need to give your body what it wants, and get some motivation again, I had all the tools and knew what to do to get me back on track and at the time o just didn’t want to, if you don’t have the willpower don’t force it, you will get back to it when you’re good and ready and believe me it does help.

Thanks will update after our appt tomorrow, I’m really hoping for a way forward, even if it’s not right away, just knowing something can be done or there are things we can do to improve our chances, will just need to wait and see xxx