Starting IVF ICSI in Jan - Feelings

[SurvivorPhoenix]

Hi all, sorry if my post goes on forever. I’ve been contemplating for a while about posting but I haven’t know what to say.

I’m 35 and husband 41 and after tests in Aug, it was realised we’d need IVF. I’m really fortunate to have a work benefit through private healthcare and will be using that. Following months of tests and appointments, we should be starting in Jan.

I’m not really sure how I’m feeling. Numb, nothingness, fear, anxiety, why me. I’m not sure if I’m coping well or just locking up my emotions. I’ve been through a lot of health trauma in recent years (ruptured liver tumour in 2020). This feels like another blow on top of what we’ve already been through and what my body has been through. I don’t know if I feel numb because I’ve got used to dealing with a lot or if it’s hardened me or if I’m just protecting myself.

I just wondered how other women have felt leading up to their first round xxx

[PeppyMiller]

Hiya, we're due to start our first round in January too but it's been almost two years since we had our first consultation. Personally, it took a good few months to come to terms with the idea that our journey wouldn't be as easy as everyone else's seemed to be - I resented everyone who got pregnant by accident, every mum who I felt didn't love their child enough, then I felt like a terrible person for having those thoughts.

If you have had health issues, it's normal to feel that life's not fair - it certainly isn't! I'm not sure if your clinic offers counselling along the treatment, but this can be an option to talk to someone who can help you unload all those feelings and cope a bit better. If not, make sure you and your husband talk about how you feel, and lean on each other.

Wishing you the best of luck x

[SurvivorPhoenix in reply to PeppyMiller]

Thank you for your message. I’m sorry you had to wait so long! I used to really imagine a future with babies but, now that vision feels tarnished. A few people have said how exciting it is that we starting this journey and i can’t my head around the word ‘exciting’.

They do offer counselling once you start so I’ll bet that booked in. I also have my own therapy anyway since my health stuff so I’m glad I’ve got that. Wishing you all the best too x

[PineappleCrumble in reply to SurvivorPhoenix]

This is so relatable to me. I used to get a bit triggered every time anyone said the word 'exciting' in regards to my IVF. I didn't feel excited, I felt sad, and scared of going through all of it only for it to not work, and to have further feelings of failure and disappointment than I already had for not being able to conceive naturally.

The counselling is a good idea. Just know that your feelings are perfectly valid, whatever they may be. It's not a fun thing to come to terms with. However, hopefully worth it in the end, and great that you have some work benefit to take the financial pressure off. x

[SurvivorPhoenix in reply to PineappleCrumble]

Thank you for your response. I mentioned on another reply that there are so many layers to this and each one with its own triggers, ups and downs, feelings etc.

I am really grateful for the work benefit as I know the financial element adds so much more pressure. I hope all is well with you xx

[Millbanks]

Hello lovely,

I felt exactly the same when I started IVF. I was so annoyed and upset because I hated needles too. I knew it would be hard going.

Like PeppyMiller I also was very resentful of those who had it "easy" but now having been through it, I understand more that just because some people get pregnant easily, doesn't mean that they have easy pregnancies or easily bond with their child or find it easy being a parent. It's almost impossible to quantify because everyone is so different. You may find that your first cycle works, and others who go through round after round resent you for it....

In no way do I mean to diminish what you're feeling, because it is hard and it is unfair - I just found it helpful to try and remember that some people look like their lives are perfect and easy, and underneath they're not.

It's also completely normal to feel how you're feeling. It's worth remembering that however you feel throughout your treatment, it's normal. Fear of what ifs, anxiety of it not working (or of it working too), numb, nothingness - all completely normal and they will fluctuate. Its also not a bad thing to protect yourself emotionally as there is so much to deal with.

You'll get through it one way or another.

Wishing you lots of luck xx

[SurvivorPhoenix in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you for your message and advice and support. There are so many layers to all of this isn’t there? X

[Millbanks in reply to SurvivorPhoenix]

So many layers - and as you go through it there are even more!

My advice would be to just take it one day at a time. Try not to rush through anything and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel - never give yourself a hard time xxx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi SurvivorPhoenix. Such a hard slog bless you. Have you had any counselling at all. If not, there is a charity who deal solely with all fertility problems and relationships while going through treatment. The do charge, but it’s not extortionate. They are the British Infertility Counselling Association and can be accessed at bica.net do have a look and see what you think. Good luck. Diane

[SurvivorPhoenix in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you. I have my own general counselling and have spoken to my therapist about this. I imagine it will be the main topic once it all starts. I’ll have a look in to this too, so thanks for sharing x

[Christianbaby]

Hi! I felt the same prior to starting our journey. I was 36 when we had our first attempt at IVF. Sorry to hear about your prior health issues.

IVF is a tough road to be on and I found that what really kept us going was a solid support system. I hope you get that too. And, nothing beats the feeling when you finally have that baby in your arms. I wish you well and sending love and light. Good luck. xx

[SurvivorPhoenix]

thank you, I hope your journey is going well x