Moving onto Donor Egg is it time?!

[Bex2]

So my back story is we had natural chemical last summer so decided with my age etc we'd move to IVF. We had 6 eggs collected, 3 fertilised and 1 made it to day 5 blastocyst which we transferred. Sadly that ended in a chemical pg. We had a second round back in July and that was cancelled due to poor response. We've just had another round of which we had 1 egg collected that made it to day 5 blastocyst so had that transferred but resulted in BFN. I'm 41, will be turning 42 in March. OH is 34 with great quality sperm, so I know the reason we keep failing is me. My AMH is slightly lower than it should be (5.4 ) when tested a year ago. I have been taking coq 10 all year and introduced DHEA back in the Summer. We have our follow up appointment on Friday to discuss next steps, I know what the consultant is going to say as he mention DE at our first appointment (given my age etc). I think it's a wonderful thing that having a DE is an option, but I can't help but feel sad that the child wouldn't look like me (I know nothing tk say it would anyway!). Just I am my mums double and it saddens me I wouldn't have that. I know my journey hasn't been as long as some peoples, I just know time isn't on my side. Sorry for the waffle.

[Mazzath1]

Hi it is difficult decision when you need to make a decision about. D.e I was around your age when I had 7 years of heartache. Miscarriages and unsuccessful ivf. I was absolutely pained by it all. Then one day I started to look into d.e I felt in my heart. I had to give on my own eggs. I coudnt do it anymore. But I did want a family. So I took time to greive for my own eggs. Took 10 months before I took the plunge did a d.e cycle well it happened 1st time. I have twins boy and girl. They make my heart so full!!! They feel like they were meant to be. My daughter even looks like me. D.e is a mixture of genetics and epergentics. I just couldn't carry on emotionally and of course financially. Then I had to consider my age too. This may not be the case for you.still could happen. Pm if you what to know more xxxx

[Carelia]

Hi Bex, I am 42, just about to turn 43 years old with one entirely problem free pregnancy with my own eggs at 42, ( but which ended early due to fetal abnormality). I am now doing a “pregnancy money back guarantee programme” in Spain which is one (or two) rounds of IVF with my own eggs and should that not work out, two rounds with donor eggs where the donor looks are matched to my characteristics. This programme is available to all ladies below 43 years old. (Please pm if you want me to tell you the clinic.) I have come to this decision after having done quite a few IVF rounds with my own eggs and while I have a good AMH, and I still get good blastocysts, you also need to weight in your own emotional health after “year after year” going through this process, and your long term physical health too. I am a happy person and I am quite protective of that “happy”😉. I also seriously consider that how long do I want to pump these hormones to my body without the body triggering early menopause etc (other less spoken about impacts of long term IVF medication on women.)

Also, having done quite a few rounds in the UK ‘in the leading clinics’, and having studied IVF now at detail for many years, I am so delighted to see the Spanish IVF industry is truly well beyond UK. I heard previously that Spain is well and truly the world leader, and now it is obvious when I compare the protocol and care I am given vs what I was given in the UK, and how they absolutely tailor every smallest detail. You are not on a conveyor belt and given a protocol that everyone else has. It is a carefully done based on your own history and your previous IVF history too. I cannot say the same of the UK based clinics, I really had to fight to get individual care and be my own advocate. With my current Spanish clinic, I feel that I am giving the best chance to my own eggs, and I am so reassured as I am speaking to someone who knows more than me on this topic (very reassuring indeed!), and should this not work, then I am perfectly happy to go for the DE route.

In fact, as we have been preparing for the DE route I have come to realise it is now so scientific, scanning the donor and my partner for hundreds of known illnesses…. that if anything, you are giving your future child a really good foundation in terms of their long term health. I see that as a very precious gift that any DE baby would come to greatly value and appreciate as they grow into adulthood ❣️ I have a feeling that in future, it would not be completely out of question that the scanning would be offered as standard to anyone planning for a baby, naturally or via IVF.

What I would recommend is to Google or YouTube some DE life stories. Explore how DE adults see themselves and how they reflect back. That should give a rounded perspective. Your clinic should also offer you a free counselling session and that is a good one to use for exploring the DE route well before you make any decision (…albeit I myself I did not think to do that

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Make sure you have a lot of support round - keep talking to your partner FNUK have a web site you might find helpful facebook.com/groups/over40s... that has monthly zoom callsThinking of you

Janet

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Was doing a bit of research myself and found a webinar on FNUK - in Nov it was National Fertility Awareness Week and each day was devoted to a different topic - on 2nd Nov was Donor Day - it features the Director of Donor Conception Network answering some questions similar to the ones you mention in your post Go to fertilitynetworkuk and on menu bar click on support and you will find the webinar linkGood luck

Janet