Do people over 40 with 'unexplained' ... - Fertility Network UK

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Do people over 40 with 'unexplained' fertility truly get their first ever BFP via IVF?

AuroraXen profile image

I know the answer is 'yes' 😂but I just need to hear some stories of hope today. AF arrived this morning, late, from yet another natural attempt, and as always it just sends me into a spiral of sadness and doubt that I'll ever actually see a BFP😢 Planning to do my first FET this cycle, but already dreading getting a negative result again and having a truly shi**y Christmas as a result 🤦‍♀️I think I've just lost faith that this will ever happen?? I've convinced myself that only ladies with a history of getting pregnant but tragically not staying pregnant get BFPs when doing IVF... and that as it's never worked for me naturally or in previous IVF cycles that it never will? How do you ladies (and gents) get yourselves out of these negative spirals? xx

39 Replies

Hi AuroraXen, I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling so down but fully understand. Month after month of BFNs while trying is extremely disheartening so say the least. I know of one woman who had a few rounds of IVF and two miscarriages that then went on to fall pregnant naturally at age 41 and her luck didn't stop there...she went on to fall pregnant again a year later and welcomed her second child at age 43. This is only one case I know but it should give all us over 40 year olds hope. Another woman I know that is expecting a baby soon also had a number of failed IVF cycles last year and this year before she fell pregnant naturally. I know of many other over 40 pregnancies also. After pondering this for many years myself and seeing the success stories and failed attempts in my own circle of friends I've come to the conclusion that it's all a bit of luck whether you can fall and stay pregnant, whether it be though IVF or naturally. Please do not give up hope. I hope you have people around you that you can talk to in person, I feel this can really help.

Thank you 😍 I did learn of a colleague who has just conceived at 45, after years of trying. Way longer than me! So that gives me some hope. I'm sure luck is a huge factor. It's just so disappointing each month isn't it? I know I'm lucky to even be able to try naturally and should be grateful 🙏. It just all sucks some days. A dear friend is about to give birth to her first baby and she was kind of my only other childless friend in my age group! I just feel so left behind. And we give up so many small things for 2 weeks every month, all for nothing 💔 xx

Oh, I hear you! I can really identify will all that you have said. I've been eating healthy, taking all the supplements, tracking cycles, cutting back on caffeine and alcohol, clean living all the way for the past 18 months and I've nothing to show for it. It is massively disappointing. I'm only trying naturally as I had a miscarriage at 41 and another at 42 and then my doctor said there was no point me going for fertility treatment due to age as most clinics wouldn't even take me. I know that not to be true from reading posts on here but my husband would not want to go that route anyway so I've never dwelled on it. I feel the boat may have passed me by now and if I dwell on it at all it gets me very down too. Can I ask did your friend conceive natually at 45 or had she been going through treatment? A good friend of mine just fell pregnant this year and she is a year older than me. She was all set to do another ivf cycle when she found out she fell pregnant naturally so miracles can happen. I wish you all the luck in the world with your planned FET...maybe this is the one, stay positive!!

So, the friend who is my age fell pregnant naturally at 39 after a couple of years of 'sort of but not really' trying. The one who is 45 fell pregnant naturally too, but she had been actively trying for a decade and had had lots of fertility treatment without success. I'm so sorry for all you're going through 💔 xx

Thanks AuroraXen, I love hearing positive stories. Fair dues to your friend that was 45 after having tried for a decade. She's a strong person to have kept going, it's not for the faint hearted, this journey is difficult. Such stories give me great hope.😍

Oh me too... they bring so much hope! I try so hard to stay positive but when it's the same story month after month and you feel time is draining away it's so tough isn't it... Then I panic that somehow I'm not being positive enough so it might never happen 😱😂 It's so good to have people on here to reach out to xx

I'm sure it'll happen for you, keep the faith. I only joined this forum a few months ago and love the feedback I get on here. People are so willing to help and share experiences. Its a great community.

Oh love, I completely feel your pain. This FET (number 6) is the ONLY time I have ever been pregnant. Never naturally, never through any other transfer with IVF. So it absolutely can happen.

There were definitely days when I felt exactly the same as you - and pulling myself out of the dark hole was tough. But I always found that planning ahead for the next thing to try helped me focus and not drift along.

I had a transfer last Christmas - test day was the 24th and of course it was negative, but actually I think being around my family really helped with that, as I wasn't able to sit and dwell - and I was able to drink copious amounts of wine....

You will get there, sometimes it's just not as straightforward as we'd hope - even with IVF.

xxx

AuroraXen profile image
AuroraXen in reply to Millbanks

Thanks for this Lovely. I've got a lot to be thankful for and feel bad for feeling so bad (!) When I know lots of us cannot try naturally at all or suffer heartbreaking losses time after time. I'm just having a big wobble and am already thinking what on earth do we do if our frosties don't work? Then I panic because I think 'argh, negative thoughts will somehow block things from working' and it's a vicious cycle 😂 xxx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply to AuroraXen

Don't feel bad - we all go through our own ups and downs and there's no comparison.It's completely normal to have a wobble - I've had many!! And there are so many good reasons why your frosties will work. Are you doing a medicated cycle this time? xx

AuroraXen profile image
AuroraXen in reply to Millbanks

Something in the middle ... natural up to near ovulation then a trigger and progesterone. I've never done a FET before so pretty clueless! Xx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply to AuroraXen

Gotcha! Sounds nice and gentle!! Don’t worry about negative thoughts, they won’t affect the outcome 🥰❤️ Xxx

LittleT123 profile image
LittleT123 in reply to Millbanks

Love it that you say negative thoughts don’t affect the outcome. Very refreshing to hear. In the past when family tell me to be positive I almost feel like they are blaming my mindset for my lack of pregnancy, how it’s somehow my own fault. And I hated that. It wasn’t supportive it was almost pinning Blake onto me.

AuroraXen profile image
AuroraXen in reply to LittleT123

I feel just the same! I stress out that I'm not 'visualising' well enough and that makes me more worried and more convinced we'll never get there. It's a vicious cycle 😆 I'm glad you're sensible enough to know that your struggles aren't because you aren't positive enough xx

LittleT123 profile image
LittleT123 in reply to AuroraXen

Look at it this way, all those mums who get pregnant by chance and did not want to be pregnant didn’t visualise did they? It’s just science xx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply to AuroraXen

❤️❤️❤️

Hi AuroraXen,I know exactly how you’re feeling. I’ve never been able to get pregnant naturally either. I’m feeling particularly low at the moment too as I’ve just had a failed IVF cycle (found out on Monday). Feeling absolutely awful. I’m starting to lose hope despite being told by everyone around me that I shouldn’t.

I have a friend who has never been able to get pregnant naturally but managed to after her second frozen transfer at the age of 42 so it can happen!

Sending you lots of love and luck for your FET xxx

AuroraXen profile image
AuroraXen in reply to Janop79

Oh no I'm so sorry for your failed cycle. It's worse when it's an IVF cycle, I know 😢 There's so much invested in them...It's all so hard. Good to hear about your friend though, these stories give me hope!! x

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to AuroraXen

Thank you. Yes, it feels more brutal. All that emotional, physical and financial investment. It’s cruel. I’m still struggling but hoping I’ll feel better soon.

The friend I mentioned give me hope too as does another friend who fell pregnant naturally at the age of 41. It just helps to know that it can happen xx

LittleT123 profile image
LittleT123 in reply to Janop79

Sorry to hear your cycle wasn’t successful, sending virtual hugs and best of luck for your next cycle x

Janop79 profile image
Janop79 in reply to LittleT123

Aw thank you so much for your kind message.I need all the virtual hugs and luck I can get. Same too you. I hope it all works out for you xx

I'm not over 40 but in 6 years off contraceptives I never got pregnant. As time went on and we started 'trying' I didn't even get to doing a pregnancy test as my period always showed up or if late I spotted, so I didn't even want the disappointment of seeing the negative on a test. When we got to IVF we were 'unexplained' and had BFPs on first and second fresh transfers, but they ended around 6 weeks (suspect with these and all along it's been an issue with progesterone). Our first FET has been successful so far, although it's been hard to believe it will ever happen and that something won't go wrong. So definitely not just those who have been pregnant naturally who are successful. I hope this helps a bit x

It really does help, thank you so much. Hope you're slowly but surely managing to relax and enjoy this the way we're supposed to! Xx

Congratulations that you got pregnant and I wish you a happy pregnancy. Can I ask what is a BFP? I’m new to ivf and this abbreviation. Thanks x

'Big fat positive'. The opposite is BFN (negative). Silly really. But there are loads of them and it can be like reading code!

Thanks for clarifying. I’ll pray god a BFP then 😂

AuroraXen profile image
AuroraXen in reply to LittleT123

Good luck in your Two Week Wait! 🤞🤞 x

AuroraXen profile image
AuroraXen in reply to LittleT123

Oh and regarding all the abbreviations I think there is a list pinned on the home page for this network! There are a few and many aren't obvious 😆 x

Ah that sucks, sorry the old witch turned up again!

I have been on this forum for about 5 years now, and I can honestly tell you I have seen at soooo many women come on here with unexplained infertility and IVF has given them the family that they so craved. Or if IVF didn't give it to them they had a 'can't believe it been trying for x years and was about to start meds and look... its a BFP by accident' type post. I would say the people who it hasn't worked out for in some way or another are a very very very small percentage.

Your time will come xx

AuroraXen profile image
AuroraXen in reply to Daisy1245

Aw bless you Daisy. This really does help 💜 Laughed out loud at the old witch comment too 🤣. It was really messing with me this time as I'm never late... but then I ovulated later than usual this month, probably because of doing the IVF on higher dose stims the previous month, so that would make sense. But you start to think maybe, just maybe 🙄😆 Ah well. I'll just have to do all I can now to prep for my FET, try to get my lining up to scratch and just roll that dice again. Just a crap day I think (it's my birthday really soon so that always makes things worse nowadays!!) xx

Daisy1245 profile image
Daisy1245 in reply to AuroraXen

Huge hugs lovely, its so bloody difficult and I totally get that 'I just might be ... maybe...' feeling, our brains are so cruel to us at times. Treat yourself and then focus on your FET which I really hope is a winner!! xx

AuroraXen profile image
AuroraXen in reply to Daisy1245

Thanks so much Daisy. People on here really help me on days like this, you all just 'get' it 💜 xx

Hi.I feel very fortunate that I am pregnant after two IVF cycles at 39/40. I had never had a positive test before and there wasn’t much to find on testing apart from Hashimoto’s. I think once you hit your late thirties it is blamed on age / egg quality but maybe there is something more subtle happening that IVF somehow controls. You will get there and wishing you success with your next cycle x

AuroraXen profile image
AuroraXen in reply to Pnw2020

Thanks so much Lovely, and huge congratulations on your pregnancy 😘 xx

I got my first ever BFP on my second round of IVF 2 weeks after my 40th birthday, never a whiff of a positive before that. Definitely lots of people who have never been pregnant getting BFPs through IVF so don’t lose hope! I was classed as ‘low AMH’ as a cause, which is utter nonsense as it was 7.6 pmol/L and I was ovulating regularly. Otherwise officially unexplained though I’m pretty sure it was low progesterone. Unexplained doesn’t mean no reason, just unknown reason Xx

Thank you sweetheart. I agree on the progesterone and I'm definitely testing mine on my upcoming FET! xx

Nice thread ladies. I was wondering the same. Never a BFP ever in my 41 years of life and 6 years of IVF….

AuroraXen profile image
AuroraXen in reply to leo1980

😭 It's really tough. You just wonder if it'll ever happen!! xx

It’s also stressful when you have no more cards to play! I am literally tested to max! I don’t think there is anything left for doctors to troubleshoot- just a case of keep transferring embryos and hoping fir the best. Problem is - I don’t have a massive supply to play with 😮

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