At what point do you just give up - Fertility Network UK

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At what point do you just give up

Kieneyl profile image
21 Replies

How many times are we going to allow ourselves to get pregnant and have 2 miscarriages and 5 chemical pregnancies. First round of ivf. Had to fight to get it as doctors didn't want us to have it as I can get pregnant Im just unlucky. How insensitive is that to say I'm just unlucky after seeing a pregnant line 7 times!!!! All on digitals too! Our first round Of ivf 4 embryos reached day 5 blastocyst stage amazing three have gone to be pgtA tested and we had our 2bb embryo put back in me... shock I fell pregnant and currently still am except the lines are not going darker even with fmu. They've apparently tested me for everything but I've never heard anything about this progesterone testing malarky no one ever told me my results of it I am currently on cyclogest am and pm but never explained to me why. I'm sick of getting pregnant to lose it within weeks in seven pregnancy's the closest I've got it to going to the six week scan but bleeding and nothing being seen on the scan it's soul destroying and I've had enough !

But then you calm down and you realise being a mummy is the most important thing to you in the world and for some the battle is just getting pregnant so I have to be greatful in some respects that I can but honestly I don't know what's worse when they can apparently find nothing wrong yet I've spontaneously lost 7 babies now with a possible 8 pending.

Sorry for my Sunday morning rant I'm just getting sick of it and I know I should just stop testing my husband says that makes it worse but to me it's my shield it protects me from being blissfully unaware that my body continuously lets me down if I turned up to my first beta giddy and excited and was told low numbers I think that would devastate me more at least by testing daily I see the hcg not rising and I'm gutted but we do what we do best ladies we dust ourselves off and wait for the impending doom. I'm bloated from all the injections and I'm tired. :(.

Photo is from 4dp5dt to 8dp5dt am and pm

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Kieneyl
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21 Replies
Kieneyl profile image
Kieneyl

Just got darker on 7 and now stopped :( feel like it always does rhis

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IVFmumma profile image
IVFmumma in reply to Kieneyl

Morning lovely. I can feel from your post how exhausted you are from your journey and I know how anxious it makes you not seeing the line progression you want to see. I don't think it's clear in those pics if it's not progressing, I would try and hold off on your evening test tonight and just test again in the morning to compare and try and see it get darker. It is so hard, I know 💜 . I think all you can do right now is focus on a positive outcome this time - then reassess how you feel later on. It's very normal to be put on cyclogest during your cycle as it supports your lining etc following transfer. Even without a progesterone deficiency. Because you've had so many hormones through the cycle, you also need progesterone artificially to make sure you have the right levels needed to support your embryo. Really hoping for a positive outcome for you this time. The good thing is you have some other embryos too xx I am on my 3rd FET this year so really get how exhausting this rollercoaster is. Try and do something nice for yourself today - treat yourself to something xx

Kieneyl profile image
Kieneyl in reply to IVFmumma

Thankyou hun for your reply I won't do one tonight and do one tomorrow have my beta on Tuesday. Just feel so let down by it all. I'm so sorry about your 3 FET :( it's just soul destroying isn't it :( x good luck

Kmcdon profile image
Kmcdon

Sorry you are having such a tough time. That just sounds awful. I have had one miscarriage and it was really hard, so I can’t even imagine what you are going through. It sounds like your clinic have done testing but hard they haven’t found anything. I did see a post a wee while ago where someone had had a similar experience to you and had gone to a clinic which specialises in recurrent miscarriage. I think it was somewhere near London. After that they had a positive outcome so it might be worth investigating. I will try and find t6e post for you. Take care of yourself and I wish you all the. Est for your current pregnancy. Take care and definitely have a rant, you need to get out frustration and anger. K xxx

Kieneyl profile image
Kieneyl in reply to Kmcdon

Thankyou forYour reply yes please if you find it please let me know I'm literally at a loss now :(. My husband thinks the lines getting darker he's no idea :( I'm like no it should be much darker at this stage :(

Sweethear profile image
Sweethear

Am so sorry for all your going through. Please try to relax is not over until it is proven over I know is not easy but you have to try and think positive ok. I had 3 miscarriages all natural pregnancy before I was diagnosed of adenomyosis which causes miscarriages and may interfere with infertility have you been checked for this?

Kieneyl profile image
Kieneyl in reply to Sweethear

Thankyou for your reply im sorry you've gone through this too why does it take them so long to diagnose something they've apparently done all the tests and im normal apparently it's a joke really :( x

Sweethear profile image
Sweethear in reply to Kieneyl

Thank you. It is crazy because at first they told me that it was just bad luck that miscarriages happen to a lot of people. That they can only investigate it after 3 miscarriages I cried I begged them each time to please find out what was wrong because I could feel it that something was wrong but I was denied till after the 3 rd miscarriages and 4 failed ivf transfer before they finally diagnosed me I was soooo angry I left that clinic to another where the doctor just did an ultrasound at my first appointment with him and told me immediately that I have adenomyosis without knowing i had just be diagnosed before coming to him he treated me for 3 months for the adenomyosis after that I did a fresh cycle with him where I got 4 eggs 3 Embrayo did fresh transfer on day 3 bfn did frozen Embrayo immediately bfp and gave birth to my daughter she is my 6th ivf icsi transfer i still have 1 Embrayo leftover I have an appointment with him tomorrow to discuss my next transfer if all goes well

Kieneyl profile image
Kieneyl in reply to Sweethear

Aww that's a horrific story but with an amazing ending hopefully can I ask which clinic you are at now as I feel I'm at my wits end :( xx

Sweethear profile image
Sweethear in reply to Kieneyl

Th clinic Is in Belgium 🇧🇪. You have to change clinic if you can and keep looking for answer until you find your answer because something is definitely wrong is not normal to keep having miscarriages that always happened at almost the same sage. doctors are better than each other the clinic I was at first was one of the best in Belgium but was horrible to me I did 4 egg retrieval with them and 5 transfer both dubbele and single and none worked and some Embrayo did not survive the threw I believe if I had stayed with them I would have still be without a baby after having my baby I went back to them because I had 3 frozen Embrayos with them that I wanted to use did 1 frozen transfer November 2020 it did not work I was supposed to have a transfer 27th of July got a call from them that morning that the Embrayo did not survive the threw so 2 Embrayo in total did not survive 1 November and 1 July and 1 bfn so that was how my last 3 frozen Embrayo with them ended. I am 42 years old and my daughter will be 3 years by November hopefully if all went well I can use my last frozen Embrayo from my new clinic where I had my daughter and the Embrayo left is from the same Embrayos form my daughter am hoping that this will give her a sibling. Praying all goes well for you

Have you been with the same clinic since starting IVF?

Kieneyl profile image
Kieneyl

Hi I've had three before I was transferred to fertility clinic nhs and then I had another 4 in that time before they would allow me to have ivf this is my first round of ivf nhs at Manchester care fertility

in reply to Kieneyl

Sorry you are going through this. It might be worth getting the opinion of your situation from a private clinic. Some clinics offer a free initial consultation.

Pnw2020 profile image
Pnw2020

Hi

So sorry to hear what you are going through. Really hoping this pregnancy works out for you but if not asked to be referred to the NHS recurrent miscarriage clinic in your area. Have you also considered counselling?

I did a random google search and found this:

mft.nhs.uk/app/uploads/site...

Best wishes x

Kieneyl profile image
Kieneyl

Thanks yes they referred me to our miscarriage clinic I haven't had a face to face but she looked at our test results after three and said all the tests she wouldHave done have been done So go forth with your life. Helpful. I've had counselling but feel it's unresolving because noine knows what's wrong just feel like my lines arnt getting darker :(

As a serial miscarrier I quite understand what you are going through and the need to test to just try and get a definitive answer so wanted to send you a hug.

For what its worth I actually think your tests look pretty good for 9dpt.. its still early days and those tests are often not as sensitive as others. have you done a FRER? Might be worth doing one of those? But generally I think you are in good shape at the moment and pregnant

Good luck xx

Kieneyl profile image
Kieneyl in reply to

Aww Thankyou this made me cry a little why do they think it's acceptable to let us go through all of this time after time before giving us treatment it's endless :( I've done a first response but within time frame there was no difference yet 15 mins later big difference I'll attach the picture x Thankyou again

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Kieneyl profile image
Kieneyl

2nd picture 15 minutes later. First responce

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Your lines are definitely progressing and you are still super early. I would maybe do another first response in two days time?

Kieneyl profile image
Kieneyl in reply to

Thankyou xx I have one more first response I'll do that xxx

NewMom1982 profile image
NewMom1982

Looks like it’s getting darker- honestly. Let believe together that little baby is on the way.

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