After 5 rounds of IVF (including one frozen), we had our beautiful twins earlier this year. We are so so lucky to have them and I feel almost guilty for still thinking about our one frozen embryo and wanting to continue our family, but then I remind myself if we weren't in this fertility situation and we wanted a third child... I probably wouldn't feel guilt.
This will be our last roll of the dice on the IVF route as we can't keep continuing with it, and I'm aware I'm thinking about this next child very early in to the lives of my current babies (but again people naturally have children soon after having babies!), but I thought I would have had my first baby 4 years ago and so it doesn't feel like this is a rush! Whilst we very much want a third child, we also feel that we want to give this remaining embryo a chance as it feels very much like a potential baby (as did all the embryos whilst we were going through IVF). We will look at adoption (a bit later down the line) if this doesn't work out. I also miss pregnancy and very much want to be pregnant again (having only had one pregnancy resulting in live birth and they were 10 weeks early).
Am I being greedy? I'm so in love with my twins and so grateful that our journey had a happy result, but I want more! I feel such guilt for this. Just trying to organise my thoughts. Big love for all of those going through this painful journey.
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Oh lovely, don’t feel guilty!! You absolutely deserve to be pregnant again - no one would think otherwise and neither would your gorgeous twins. I think you are 100% right to give your final emby a chance ❤️❤️❤️
Especially given what us ivf-ers go through - the miracle of being pregnant is something we undoubtedly want to experience a second time. It’s so longed for and we go through so much to get here - you aren’t being greedy!!
Really hope this little frostie completes your family 🥰 xxx
Thank you Millbanks! I definitely want to give embaby a chance and it would be lovely to experience pregnancy again. It's unlikely, but I want to give it a shot.
I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how you and the twins were getting on after their dramatic entrance to the world, lovely to hear your all doing well ❤️
Just wanted to say good luck with your last embryo 🥰 We have 6 frozen and I just can’t face going through it all again, especially after preterm labour as well which I am annoyed about as I would love another sibling for Ollie.
You are definitely not being greedy, the heart wants what it desires so go for it xxx
Thank you, Jen. The twins are doing very well. We are so lucky. The SCBU experience was something I was completely unprepared for, but they are doing well. Hope you and Ollie are good. 6 frozen is amazing! But I can understand not wanting to face it all again. The hell of the infertility/IVF journey is fresh in my mind. As we only have the 1 embryo that's partly why I am thinking about it so soon - I want to 100% give this embryo a chance and put it in my body where it belongs!, but then put this part of my life (IVF) behind us.
I think if we only had 1 or 2, I would feel more up for going back in but 6 could be a long road so that’s why we’re holding off. I say go for it and the best of luck to you all xxx
I can relate to this so much. Like you’ve said, if you weren’t on the IVF journey, you wouldn’t even be considering calling yourself greedy and I promise you, you are definitely not! You put yourself through so much for that embryo and you do not have to feel guilty for wanting to give it a chance or wanting to expand your family.
Phoebe is 13 months old today and I’m now 14 weeks along with miracle number 2. I really hoped we would be lucky enough to have a second, I so badly wanted her to have a sibling and feel extremely fortunate that it worked on the first attempt with our frostie after taking so long to get her! Also if I’m being completely honest, I also wanted to draw a line under our ivf journey as we wouldn’t have done further treatment if it hadn’t worked. It’s consumed the last five years of my life and I don’t feel guilty about saying I’m really done with putting my body through it. A lot of emotions! But all normal and I hope you don’t give yourself a hard time about any of them.
Thanks KiboXX! Thanks for affirming that I shouldn't feel guilty. I'm so glad you are now in the lucky position of being pregnant with a sibling for Phoebe. And it gives me some hope that this one frostie could end up in pregnancy! You are so right about drawing a line under the IVF journey. It does consume your life (and emotions and body) and we all want to move on at some point (sooner rather than later!).
There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty, I think about my frozen embryos all the time, with or without children I know I want to transfer them all 😅 So if you can afford a third child then go for it! Wishing you all the best 💕
Thanks Francesca. Your embryos are there waiting for you. Of course you think about them! Makes sense. Makes me feel less crazy for thinking about mine. Wishing you all the best too xxxx ❤️❤️❤️
One of the fertility nurses was telling me her colleague prays every morning with a rosary and when she asked her who she was praying for - she said she was praying for all the lost souls that were frozen at the clinic who were waiting for their mums. 🥺🥺😭
Awww 🥺 That makes sense, because for us they are children already, they don’t need to be born, imagine your twins were in that freezer! It makes me feel a little sad because I am so so impatient for transfer and if I could do anything about it they will be with me already.
I’m having my first FET in December I think and I am feeling very positive about it (again 😅) I always believe in my little ones, wish I felt the same about myself too!I’m having the miscarriage tissued tested and luckily the hospital is doing some checks on me too for recurrent miscarriage.
I defantly don’t think that is greedy . Because you have had trouble conceiving , why , should that mean your should settle with it working once . When I was younger I always said I wanted between 6 and 12 kids . I have none , I am going through my first ivf cycle now after years of trying . I have told my partner if it worked I would defantly want to try again , I would not get the 6 to 12 that I originally wanted but if i could get more than 1 child or 2 children in your case then why not ? If you never had fertility problems you would not be looked at as greedy , you would be looked at as someone who is making a family . So do not feel that you should be judged , you have been through enough with the extra fertility journey . If I was you I would try it , but be mindful that if it does not work you have been lucky enough to get your twins . And if it does work I would think of it as a added bonus . You shouldn’t be made to feel guilty over something that a lot of people do naturally with out even thinking of it . So please don’t feel guilty , you have nothing at all to feel guilty for ! Just go for it and hope for the best ! Good luck ! xx
Thanks Treacle. Yeah, I used to say I wanted 6 too! Although that might be a bit unrealistic now! 1 would have been a complete shock after everything we've been through, so to have 2, we do feel incredibly blessed and grateful. You're right - a 3rd would also be a bonus. Best of luck with your cycle. You're right - just because it works once means we should then not continue to try if we choose to.
Congratulations on your little twins 🥰 And like the others have said - absolutely don’t feel guilty!!
I actually feel very similar to you! I have only just had our precious little one!! I think it is because I now can see what a gorgeous little person can become of those little embryos (almost like I had neglected that before as I never dared think it would be successful) and I think I would feel guilty not giving that little embryo a chance too!! We were actually just so grateful with one, but like say - I can’t just leave that embryo we have in the freezer. I can’t make myself donate it or give it to research and I certainly cannot destroy it. Something that has been playing on my mind since we were so lucky to have a successful round. Something I had actually never really considered! How I would feel about the embryos after the fact. It may never turn into anything, but I feel also that I owe it to give it a chance 😇 Of course it is too soon for us - I want to enjoy being a family of 3 for a bit .. well 4, our fur baby is very important 😂🥰
But again - how soon you do this is no one else’s business but yours as a family!! So do not feel guilty! And do what is right for you!! Science is amazing and so grateful we have the opportunity to at least try for a family! Although I so wish there were a guarantee for everyone 🧡
Thanks Sparklylife. Congratulations on your little boy! I felt very strongly towards the embryos during the IVF process, but I also never thought about how I would feel towards any remaining embryos after a successful pregnancy! Apparently I still feel strongly (which probably should have been obvious to me, but I just hadn't thought about it). Enjoy your family of 3/4. Our fur baby is also an important part of our family. 🙂 I also wish there was a guarantee for everyone. I would have gone through IVF loads and loads of times if I knew there was a guarantee at the end of it! But it's a gamble every time. And I'm not usually a gambler.
Thank you! And of course nothing wrong with donating your frozen embryos by the way!😇 It was strange as I did not think I had to consider it so soon either, but we actually got a letter from our fertility clinic only about a month after the birth of our son - to ask what we wanted to do with the frozen embryo and if we wanted to keep it in storage they would send for payment 🥰
You are so right, it is so tough, mentally and on your body - it is a gamble. I do hope for every success for you with your frostie! So glad you are all doing well too!! 🧡
Agree! Nothing wrong with embryo donation (I did egg sharing on my first round of IVF! - Before I realised what a long road this was going to be and how precious they were!). Thanks. x
Back on the rollercoaster! You're in company, there seem to be quite a few of us back trying for a sibling. We didn't have any luck with our 3 frosties and have just done another round of IVF and transferring 2 blasts next week.
Please don't feel guilty about wanting another baby. When people get pregnant naturally, it would never occur to them to think they were being selfish or that their first baby (babies) should be 'enough' if they still yearned for another.
Our good luck (if we can call it that, after what we put ourselves through to get here) in finally getting our babies doesn't take anything away from anyone else who's struggling and there's no reason we can't hope to get lucky twice.
I really enjoyed my pregnancy and would love to do it again. I want to have another baby and I want my daughter to have a sibling. Nothing really out of the ordinary, but for us IVF warriors it's such a hard fought and distant dream. Good luck xxx
Thanks. Yes, wanting another pregnancy (a sibling for your daughter) is really not that remarkable in regular world. But in infertility/IVF world it's a massive deal (as it is with wanting that first pregnancy!).
If you want to use your last frostie, I say go for it! It's so exciting for you! I think I would feel very similar in the same position - both in wanting to give the last one a chance but totally get the idea of feeling guilty or greedy for "wanting" more when you have your gorgeous twins.
You hit the nail on the head though that if this was any other situation, other than IVF, you wouldn't think twice about going for number three xx
It can be quite exciting - the hope that goes along with a cycle of IVF, but I still wish we could just "decide" to have another baby! There is also a lot of other emotions with IVF that are, unfortunately, not hope, and I do not look forward to those.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound flippant or undermine the stressful situation. It's the hope and the chance that is exciting. But I agree, there are so many other big emotions at play and I don't think any of us will get over those low feelings easily (I certainly feel it right to my bones often enough). This process takes so much away from us all - including the options that other people have like just "deciding" to try, to try again, or add a sibling, etc. It's all a bit rubbish. But I do hope it works for you, if you decide to go for it. x
Thanks Hoop. I totally agree. It is exciting in a way. I am just feeling guilty for the excitement, I guess! So so grateful for my babies and that we even have a frostie. We have only ever had one other frostie so I'm grateful for the chance to do a frozen round. There is guilt about feeling excitement! Sigh.
Don’t feel guilty ! Although I do think new baby hormones play a huge part 😂 I had twins earlier this year and within a few weeks of the birth was hinting at DH about our last 2 embryos we have frozen! We do have an older child too though. At the moment I do still want to have one final child if I can but wouldn’t do any more egg collections and would be at peace if neither worked (I just have such an emotional attachment to them after many many losses and I have no tubes left so they are the last embryos we will ever make that I can’t bring myself to destroy them)
We would need to wait until twins were close to getting 30 hours childcare though for financial reasons so I’ve got about 18 months to work on DH -although I could have had quads in January he wouldn’t have noticed as he isn’t the most hands on dad with newborns.
I’m also the main earner so feel like ultimately it will be my decision since I pay for everything as well as doing all the sleepless nights 😂😂😂
Ha! It could be new baby hormones! As well as the attachment to the embryos. But we both would like to have more children. I hope I would be at peace if this embryo didn't work, but I know I would be upset, of course, and like you I am not going to go down the egg collection route again.
It’s a strange thing isn’t it? I had months of a weird sort of guilt after my son was born last year. We’re in the same position as you - he’s now 15 months and we recently started meds for a frozen cycle. I didn’t realise I’d have such a strong urge to try again, but here we are!
Wow!! Fair play to you lovely, not greedy at all....you clearly are a natural and what little one wouldn't be blessed with that! I think we will probably donate our embryos so couples can have a shot. It's so beautiful that you enjoyed being pregnant. I didnt believe it so didnt even give myself the chance to enjoy it and my Mum getting so poorly has kind of made it all tinted with sadness. Anyhoo I digress.....I say bloody go for it and dont feel guilty or greedy, life is for living!😘🤗🥰🤞🏻xxxx
Thanks Cinders. Donating them is lovely. Sorry that you didn't enjoy pregnancy like you wanted and your mum getting poorly. Everyone's comments are helping to get rid of the guilt.
I totally understand how you feel as I am in the same boat. Give birth to my ivf miracle in February and starting FET next month. I am like you I just feel I need to make a start as my body needs a break from endo xxx
Wow! Starting FET next month! Lucky you. My clinic won't entertain it earlier than 12 months after birth. It is encouraging to see people getting back on this ridiculous IVF train after having a baby. I'm not alone! I'll be following your journey. x
That’s wonderful news after so many rounds! You shouldn’t feel guilty. If you’re intending on trying with that final embryo then it’s just waiting for you. And adopting is a very noble thing. So good for you if that’s how you decide to grow your family. It’s entirely up to you. No guilt required.
Thanks. We are just so thankful for our two babies and thought we might never get to this point (or even having 1 baby!), so feels like we should be happy with that and not want for more, but then infertility is still painful even after having a baby/babies. Unfortunately.
You are absolutely not being greedy! Don’t feel guilty for wanting to give your little frostie a chance. As you said, if you’d have had your twins naturally you wouldn’t be feeling guilty about wanting a third. Congratulations on your twins too that’s such wonderful news! I think you should give your last embryo a chance if that’s what you want to do, don’t feel guilty! We all deserve to have as many children as we want 💖
Do not feel guilty about it at all. People who aren’t going through fertility treatment don’t think twice about it. Congratulations on your twins! i think it’s great that you’re thinking about it! Xx
Certainly not selfish or anything to feel guilty about!
Everyone’s situation is different - we are nearly 36 weeks, as long as everything is okay with our little girl when she arrives, the other two frozen embryos will be discarded as we don’t need them.
My husband is nearly 60, retired and already has a son who is 25, I’m 42 and retiring in 8 yrs time so for us one is enough, as although we wanted a family of our own, we still want to enjoy what hobbies etc we do that arnt suitable for children.
People may look at that as being awful and selfish, but that’s just how our situation is, not withstanding we wouldn’t have enough room for any more children
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