Embryos keep arresting before transfer - should we just roll the dice again?

[KnockingForty]

We have had 2 failed ICSI IVF cycles: 1 NHS before we knew any detail on our probs other than we used ICSI because of husband’s sperm morphology and 1 privately using IMSI last month. My husband had high DNA fragmentation, was treated for a varicosele earlier this year and has been on antioxidants for a year. In July his repeat sperm frag tests showed massive improvement so we had that second round I mentioned but it failed in exactly the same way as the first round did. I am 38. We retrieved 10 eggs, 9 viable and 6 fertilised (same as last time other than 1 more embryo) embryos but they start degrading v quickly and all arrest before making it to the transfer stage. The docs are saying they can’t pin point why it didn’t work this time as the sperm they got using IMSI was grade 1 so we should roll dice again next month but we are pretty terrified just the same thing will happen again. I can’t get my head around why doing exactly the same thing again will result in a different outcome? I guess the phrase the doc used in our last debrief said it all: ‘you can roll the dice again.’ It is about probability over a few attempts. My sister gave birth same day as we found out this had failed in same way as lat time, even after the huge hopes we had with husband’s sperm being so improved. So I think the ups and downs of this whole thing and life in general haven’t helped our mood, though I am delighted for my sister and love my new niece. Just, timing heh?! Any thoughts anyone has would be appreciated.

[Belangalo]

Oh KnockingForty! Biggest hugs! I am so sorry that this is happening to you. And WORST TIMING EVER with your sister! I completely understand those feelings. It's completely normal and understandable.

I'm 38 and pregnant naturally after 4 years of TTC, a husband with zero sperm that required a full year before he was producing anything and one unsuccessful cycle of IVF. Our FS also told us that everything looked like it would be a numbers game for us and all about finding the right embryo. I still had all the tests that I and thr FS could come up with just to check . We had male infertility issues but IVF wasn't working so I wanted to know if there was also something wrong with me that was preventing pregnancy. We threw the kitchen sink at it and all my tests came back normal...and then I fell pregnant naturally! So my FS was right...it WAS a case of simply getting the right embryo.

Have you considered getting all the tests done? We had genetic testing of ourselves to check if we had problems that were maybe impacting the embryos right from the start. I practically rattled from all the supps I was taking to try to improve egg quality. I understand your fear of it not working next time. May I ask which day they arrested? I've read on here that the first three days are down to the egg and then the rest is up to the sperm. If the sperm is considered good and you are having pretty even numbers of embryos arresting early and later then it may be a numbers game. BUT if you want tests, get them done. Ask questions of your FS and keep asking questions. You are your own best advocate and only you and your hubby can decide how and when you want to proceed. If you are uncomfortable doing the same thing for the third round then talk to your clinic and I really hope they can give you more answers! Good luck and baby dust!! Xxxx

[Kittielou]

I'm so sorry your in this situation. Its truly awful. I'm 40 and have had 3 failed cycles, one with no viable embryos and it's looking like the 4th is going to be the same. I swore I wasn't ready for a donor egg, but I've now been looking into egg sharing as I feel like time is running out and I'm getting nowhere with my genetics.

I hope that your clinic sit down with you and answer all of your questions and give you proper guidance on where to go next with your journey. As the experts they need to talk about all the options and what they feel will most likely give to the outcome you're hoping for.

Hugs xxx

[COH1981 in reply to Kittielou]

I feel I may end up going down this route of egg donation, but I’m not sure how I’ll get my head around it…….I know I’d give birth to it and look after it….but still, it’s tough. You are incredibly strong!

[COH1981]

Dont feel bad for your mixed feelings around your sister. It’s mentally tough for you and you feel so conflicted. I lost a baby at 22 weeks, it was horrendous. When my SIL was pregnant I was so bitter about the situation. I didn’t want to be, but I couldn’t help it. Then when my niece was born, it’s like I forget about it all for a second and everything was “normal”. I’m lucky in that I can be involved in my niece and, now nephews, lives and I am like a second mum. I still get that “feeling” sometimes but it doesn’t last too long. Be kind to yourself, try to keep positive, know that it completely normal and spend time enjoying becoming an incredible aunt whilst you continue on your journey x