Hi, first time on here and hoping to connect with some of you and your stories. I’m 41, just completed a second round of ICSI which has failed. OTD tomorrow morning but BFNs up until this point. Should say I’ve had a left blocked tube and hydrosalpinx, as well as a polyp removal. My AMH is 6.19
2nd round - 3 retrieved, 2 fertilised, 3 day transfer (8 cell and 7 cell) = BFN
Always been quite an optimistic person, with a ‘what will be will be’ attitude, however, I must admit I’ve found this experience pretty trying! And now worried that I’ve left it too late (tbh I would also say my gynaecological health was ignored by many doctors along the alway) my chances are pretty slim.
Anyway, not quite sure what I’m trying to say other than I don’t think I quite realised how mentally exhausting the fertility journey is especially for women!! We are good at putting a brave face on things and continuing.
I have a lot of respect for you all and I wish you the best. If there are any over 40s out there feeling a similar way, trying to make sense of this journey, I would love to connect!
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Sabretooth
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Hello, I wanted to send a wave, I think there are quite a few of us on here in a similar situation.
I've just turned 42, started IVF at 40. While I've been lucky to get frozen blastocycsts, I've had 5 transfers so far and they've all failed. I've got some more frozen so will definitely use those, but there's also a big part of me wondering if I should have just gone straight to using donor eggs. It's so hard to know, especially as there's so much luck involved - I have a friend who did her first round of IVF at 40, pregnant on first transfer, now has a beautiful baby. We just don't know which side we'll fall on, and I think the uncertainty and lack of control is one of the hardest things, along with the pain of lost hopes, the impact of wildly fluctuating hormones, being constantly prodded and poked etc.
Sorry not a very up beat post, I think I'm having one of those days, there are others where I feel much more positive!
Hi IVFat40 thanks for your reply. And you don’t need to be positive. I hear you!! You’ve done so well though. I think we don’t give ourselves enough credit for keeping going despite all the podding, poking, feelings of lost hope etc. It’s important we recognise how strong we are. I know you might not be feeling it right now. But it’s an incredible supper power. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself this weekend but trying to pick myself up and remind myself that luck comes to us all in different ways.
What a lovely message, thank you hun, just what I needed to hear.I'm so sorry you're going through an unsuccessful transfer right now, it really is so painful, and at the same time I totally agree with you how important it is to give ourselves credit for having had the strength to do this. I also love your phrase about luck coming to us all in different ways.
I'm definitely considering donor eggs, and I think if money were no object that would be my next step. How about you, is that something you might consider?
Ahh so glad it helps. I believe it. In terms of donor eggs I’m not sure. I still weirdly feel I’m early on my ivf journey..so want to try a different protocol before thinking about that. I don’t really know how I feel about an egg that’s not mine. Probably need to think about it a bit more. Great that you’re considering it. I hear it significantly increases rates in over 40s..so could be worth a shot. Is it really expensive?
That makes perfect sense, you are early in your journey, and changes to protocol can make a huge difference. Plus, I know it's a cliche but it's true, it only takes finding that one embryo.
Hi Sabretooth I turned 40 in May, did 3 transfers since March 2021 which all failed. Preparing for my 4th transfer (FET) by mid September. I had a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy 10 days ago and some mild endometriosis on my ovaries and pelvis has been removed. I'm on the same boat, didn't know how much this journey was exhausting both physically and mentally until I started it.
At first I thought that I needed 1 round of ivf and that's it, I'll get pregnant, coz I'm healthy, active etc. Then I got hit in the face with the 1st BFN. You get stronger with time, with ups and downs, hope and tears, and every time you wait for a sprinkle of luck.
Yes, we are worriors, and yes we have to appreciate our super powers! I have 2 friends who are 39 and 40 who got lucky on their 1st round with their own eggs. So every journey is different, what I know is that we have to keep moving forward and it's not wrong to stop in the middle of the journey to take a break and a deep breath before we continue.
Be gentle on yourself and always think that a lot of women are going through the same struggle, and always believe that "what will be will be".
@future1000 Oh I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through that. Yeah I would be lying if I said I didn’t think i’d get pregnant on first or second round As you say we are warriors. And it gives me huge comfort knowing there are many of us all out there hoping and trying but also being pragmatic about things. A breather is definitely what I need, heading off on a break soon. Are you?
Enjoy your break and hope you come back full of great energy 🤗 I'm on a break now, enjoying my time with friends, doing nothing, sipping a little bit of alcohol every now and then, reading and meditating.
Wanted to say hello! We started in our late 30s and ended up doing a load of rounds in my 40s and I’m about to embark on donor eggs at 44
The first thing to say is 41 is still young with IVF so you are in great shape and don’t panic there! Have you had a follow up on your second round? I’m interested to hear if you mixed things up between cycles and if your clinic is suggesting that for the next round?
If it’s any help I don’t think you are flogging a dead horse but I think your clinic should be coming up with ideas to change things to improve your chances further
Awww Hidden thank you! I think 41 is bloody young ;)) So the first round, as none of my eggs got to blastocyst stage, the transfer was cancelled. They decided after that to give me another free round of ivf and keep me on the meds for longer this time. In the end they didn’t do that because one of my follicles grew way faster than the others (up to 33mm) and others were playing catch up. So they ended up doing the EC pretty swiftly. They only collected 3 eggs this round. And 3 fertilised and 2 were transferred on day 3. I’ll definitely be speaking to the consultants to see what they recommend. I’m wondering whether I try mild ivf and go with Create..have you heard of them? Or stick to the NHS for the next round. The NHS are likely to keep me on maximum dosage on meds so not sure.. I’ll definitely keep you posted with what they say.
Thanks ladies for all your support! Really nice to hear from you. We got this in one way or another! X
Hi I'm 39 and just had my first failed FET on the NHS. My friend who is 41 with a lower amh had private ivf at the same time as me and her first transfer worked. She's presently 8 weeks pregnant. Mentally that was very difficult for me but the way I look at it is if it worked for her it can work for me! Xx
Hi, I’m 40 and certainly feel that time is against me! But then I read plenty of success stories within the 40s age bracket so I do try to remain optimistic. It’s really draining and can take over mentally. I’m currently 3 days post transfer, tried twice earlier this year and both were BFN. It is hard to stay positive but I keep telling myself this could be a sticky one! The 2ww is some sort of other dimension where time moves at a snail’s pace. Sending you lots of luck and strength to carry on xxx
Thanks Daffodils140 i’m sorry about your BFN’s. Hoping this time is your time. It really is mentally draining. And you’re right the 2ww is a killer. I got the official BFN from the clinic today and I have to say even though I knew it, it really sucks. I think it’s the effort to output ratio that does it. So used to putting in the effort in other parts of my life and having faith that the effort will pay off at somepoint but with IVF it’s hard to maintain that faith sometimes. But I’m determined to do it. You guys are helping with that!! X
Hi, I would like to extend hugs to you. This is a very long, exhausting and trying process to get the baby you've been longing for. I don't advise you give up, you still have time. I have blocked tubes with adhesions from multiple surgeries throughout the years. One issue my doctors were concerned with was hydrosalpinx and if I did have it they were going to remove the tube, because it hinders the ivf process. That could be the main issue and nothing else. I would ask my doctors about removing it or is it hindering your process. Every RE is different and may give you a different answer. I went through 3 before I went back to the original doctor I started off with. Maybe get 2nd opinion from another clinic since you have time. Don't believe the biological clock nonsense, that's what doctors are supposed to say. Only God knows!! I'm 44 and had a cycle that failed, I changed doctors in the same practice and just had my frozen embryo transfer on Aug. 3rd and I'm now 5 weeks pregnant. So don't give up, get a 2nd opinion. I didn't put all my eggs in one basket when I didn't feel something wasn't right. I wish you the best in this journey, because Lord knows we need all the prayers, hope and love!! You will get there I promise you will!!
I don't mind at all. I was 44...I did my first round but the doctor I had then put me on a 2 week protocol, that was back in March of this year.. The doctor I have now placed me on a 3 month protocol, she retrieved 6 eggs, but only 3 made it to blastocyst stage that was in July. I have 2 more that are good quality,, as well. She froze them, because she didn't want to go through with the transfer until a month later, which was Aug 3rd to give my body time to relax. She didn't want to put too much pressure on my body or develop OHSS. Because I had to go through another round of medications.
Thanks so much for this advice!! Really helps. Hugs back to you. I’m definitely going to get a second opinion re: hydrosalpinx. I have mentioned it several times to the numerous doctors I’ve seen in this clinic but because it has been clipped they don’t seem to give much notice. I am convinced it’s something to do with the hydrosalpinx. I’ve realised I probably need to be more on the front foot with this process. X
Yes, I did a ton of research myself, so they just couldn't tell me what they wanted. I questioned everything and as you know they really don't like you questioning them. They want you to go through with what they think is best for you without taking your thoughts into consideration. Yes, you are the doctor, but I know my own body and if you feel something on your gut, ask away. If you have the time, I would seek a 2nd opinion. It doesn't mean you have to go with them, but seek another clinic for their thoughts, because I learned that each will tell you something different. Plus, they tend to compete with one another. Blessings to you and your journey!! It will work out for you. Keep me posted on your next appt. We're a community!!! 💖💖❤❤❤
Awww I will do tdkj1001 it’s so nice to have received such amazing responses from you all. Would be great to have a community. I’ve felt really supported. You are right, we know our own bodies. Second opinion definitely. Hope you’re doing ok x
I'm 43 and just starting my second round of egg collection.
Our first round gave us 4 fertilised - 2 on a fresh transfer (transferred as a double) were BFN, second try was a double FET and we got a faint positive line for a few days before it ended up being a chemical.
My AMH levels are good *for my age* (gotta love the "geriatric" status!) but hubby has sperm that needs a life jacket and to stay at the shallow end, so it was ICSI from the start.
At the moment our plan is to see how many we get fertilised from this go, then decide on whether we do another egg collection back-to-back (so we can bank some rather than waiting another 6 months) and we'll probably go for genetic testing on any that we get fertilised.
Dr said if we get over 6 fertilised then test, otherwise it's more time/cost effective just to implant them as doubles and hope (I know it sounds brutal but I really do better hearing that kind of thing.)
I'm very lucky in that hormones haven't bothered me much (I don't get PMS either) so the only thing I'm really struggling with is the feeling of the months just slipping away from me - I hate everything needing to wait until the right time in the cycle - just get on with it already!
Everytime we fail (and I also had to take a 6 month gap while I had a fibroid removed - doing nothing while waiting for hospitals to reopen was hard) I just recalculate in my head; you'll be 45 by X, 48 at the earliest by Y and it just feels like even if it works we're going to be so old... I've friends in their 30's with teenagers....
anyway, I am normally positive about it, we're focussing a lot on planning a life without kids, so we have happy things to look forward to either way - may not work for everyone but travel videos take my mind off it!
Thanks for sharing hodgeheg2 . Impressive how you keep going. Did you suggest the back to back egg collection or did your doctor? I’ve read about it and wondered if it’s something I could do try but prob unlikely as up until now I’ve not had any eggs to freeze! Did your FE get to blastocyst stage? I think that’s right, planning for a life without kids is a good idea. I can see it being a good life too, just would be nice to have the full experience of motherhood I guess. X
Thanks Sabretooth I suggested the back to back having read about it on another site and asking here, I'm really aware of getting older, it feels like getting eggs 6months younger could only be a good thing, so if we're going to need a 3rd collection, do it early. Doctor says he wants to see how many fertilised eggs we get from this round but he's happy if we want to.
Also adding in the genetic testing means you don't get a fresh transfer (and lose a month) so I think a second collection wouldn't "cost" us 2 months extra time, just 1, if that makes sense?
All 4 of our fertilised eggs got to blastocyst stage, so I'm really hopeful this round will get at least another 4... I think I got 12 eggs and 8 fertilised but only 4 got to day 5. (Those are the numbers I remember but it was in Jan and my memory is terrible, I'm sure I wrote it down somewhere!)
I think a child free life will absolutely be ok, but just not ready to give up on pregnancy and a little one just yet!
Hi there, maybe you should consider taking DHEA - it has been shown to improve pregnancy rates for older women and those with low AMH (is 6.19 low? where i live it is measured in ng/mL which is a different scale). My job includes evaluating evidence for drugs and i can say that the evidence for DHEA is really strong - much more so than the majority of other fertility supplements. I really think it helped with my successful round at 43 which brought me my son, and also my 43 year old friend with recurrent miscarriages. And also early retrieval of eggs has been shown to improve egg quality (google 'individualised oocyte retrieval'). And another drug that has been shown to improve embryo quality is 'human growth hormone', and which also has quite good evidence supporting it. Good luck!
Yes thanks articsnowfox i’ve been looking into this and CoQ10. Think I’ll try both. Did you take CoQ10 too? Trying to focus on myself for next three months, reducing stress (although I’ve reduced a lot already!), taking these supplements and seeing where it takes me. Good to hear your positive stories. Gives me hope!
I did take it for one cycle but it didnt really seem to do much (but as it doesn't seem to have any bad side effects maybe it's worth taking just in case). I think ovary preparation before egg retrieval is pretty crucial when you're older than 35 years, so it sounds like you're on the right track!
Hi Sabretooth,I’m 42 and I’m having such an awful day today. I had a pregnancy loss after an IVF cycle last year and have been trying naturally since then. Negative pregnancy test today. It was our last try before starting another cycle. It really hit me hard and I’ve literally not been able stop crying.
I wish I had a more positive story for you. Today I’ve really felt like giving up, on TTC, on life, but hopefully I’ll feel much better tomorrow.
Your post has helped a bit. Made me feel less alone so thank you xx
Hey Janop79 i’m so sorry about your bfn and that you’ve had a difficult day today. I hear you. It’s been a pretty difficult day for me too. I think when you take a break from it it never quite feels like a break does it. I can feel like we are walking through treacle.. You will feel better tomorrow. I’ve been trying to focus on other things and trying to avoid going down a rabbit hole. I’ve found reading fiction has been helping. Maybe do something nice for yourself tomorrow if you can, big or small you deserve it! X
Hi to you all brave women who are in this journey, I didn't really have any advice for you, just want to wish u all luck
I have gone through this route too when I was 43, the consultant told me I really did not have a major fertility issue other than my eggs were old to fertilise
We were adviced to go for donor egg with my partners sperm in a private hospital since I had pass the age to recieved ivf from NHS
At first this
was a bitter pill to swallow
After having a thought we decided to travel abroad to get an egg donor treatment
We were so lucky that I got pregnant with the first circle
Right now as I write I have a beautiful twins boy and girl
To be sincere there is hardly a time that I think they are not my egg, the girl resembles me physically while the boy his dad's copy
First round I was 38/39 yrs old, 21 eggs collected - left with 2 blasts, a BFP on first transfer ended in MC other failed to implant
Round 2 I was 40 yrs old, 12 eggs collected left with 3 blasts, 1put back failed the other two were PGTA tested and were chromosomally abnormal
The consultant said due to my very good AMH level which was about 19 I could have another go with my eggs and we may get lucky 🤷♀️
Financially it was not viable to get lucky!
My 30 yr old sister said she would donate. So our third round we used her eggs snd my husbands sample. First transfer I’m now 26 weeks
For us it was process of elimination, we worked out that it was basically my egg quality that was the issue, over the age of 40 your chances drop to less around less than 5%
There have been ladies on here who have been successful with there own eggs but they have had to do a lot of rounds to get there
I'm almost 40 and doing IVF. We are on a third try now. We finally are getting to transfer in a couple of weeks. We have one healthy embryo. I know it's tough being in your 40's trying to have a baby, but times are different now. So many women have babies even in their 50's!! I wish you all the best and if you ever want to talk I'm here!
So nice to read all your experiences on here. I’m beyond frustrated that at 39 I’ve struggled so much. I came off the pill in July last year and caught on immediately, but had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. I was devastated. We started trying again at the start of this year after it took nearly three months to get my period back, and nothing. I’ve basically been told it’s because I’m old. Cheers. At 39. I paid for all the tests to be done privately, I was not willing to wait as I have the big birthday this month (I may disappear into hiding).
So IVF has been offered for a round on the NHS and I’m awaiting my first appointment to kick things off and getting so impatient!
I don’t feel old and I certainly don’t act it. Just wish someone would tell my ovaries that 😔
I hope we can all be each other’s cheerleaders in this group. Doing it for the 40 year olds…..come on ladies 💪🏻 we got this!
When our doctors don't have answers to why we are not getting pregnant, they say the main reason is that you're old 😒 Like seriously? Ok, we know that egg quality drops with age, but there are many women out there getting pregnant in their 40s.
I don't feel old either, I'm healthy with good amh, I exercise, I eat healthy and all my tests are normal. And when my doctor told me the problem is age, he put me down; we don't need to hear that, we need hope and support from our clinics and doctors. But you know? this group is the real support system, and yes we can do it coz we are worriors! 💪❤
Hiya. I'm 41 will be 42 in February. Started this journey at 39. Im on my 2 week wait at the moment day 7 today and did a pregnancy test which was negative, still living in hope that on the official test day it will be positive. This is our last embryo, contemplating if to go through it all again! Its so heavy on the heart💔 1st transfer a chemical 2nd transfer lost at 11week 3rd currently in 2ww. Wishing you all the best on your journey and sending lots of love and strength 💪🏼❤
I am 43 and (sometimes scared to say as anything can happen ) 26 weeks. I highly recommend the PGT testing .. started ivf at 41 did 10 egg retrieval’s over two years with only break almost being 3 months shut down for COVID here in NY. I never got many eggs but most embryos did make it to day 5 “looking fine”. We tested every one and other than a mosaic with one small chromosome problem (which yes might self correct bit more likely than not won’t which we froze), all other embryos were not good after being tested even if looked good say 5, until the last round. One good embryo, tested. This is the only one ever did a transfer with after a round of uterine biopsy to pin point perfect day for me (as we only had one good one), and so far 26 weeks it worked fingers crossed and praying .. highly recommend testing .. although expensive worth it.
I started IVF at 39 and my daughter was born 3 days after my 40th birthday. We were successful on my first cycle. We had 5 blastocysts from 11 eggs. We transferred x2 and one stuck ☺️. Sadly the others degraded on day 6 so couldn’t be frozen.
My AMH was decent at that time and all other tests normal.
We re-started IVF in 2020. We’ve done 3 cycles, all failed. My AMH has more than halved since 2018 but nothing else has changed. In our last cycle, we got 16 eggs and 9 embryos of which 4 made it to blastocyst. We did PGS testing. Our 5AB embryo was a chromosome 11 trisomy 😢. The other 3 blasts were highly abnormal. So out of 16 eggs, none produced a normal embryo.
I think the stats are that someone in their 20’s will have 8 out of 10 normal embryos whereas in their 40’s this drops to 2 out of 10.
My consultant was happy for us to try again but says we’d need around 40 eggs (so 3-4 cycles) to find one or 2 normal ones to make a normal embryo. We were given a 20% chance of success but to us that meant an 80% chance of failure.
And that doesn’t even guarantee implantation let alone a live birth.
For us the time, stress and financial burdens were too much so we have chosen the donor egg route.
Our donor is in her 20’s and out of 19 eggs, we got 9 top quality blasts. Shows what young eggs can do!
It’s definitely possible to have IVF success in your 40’s. But it’s important to have all the facts and be realistic. IVF is super tough and even more so when the chances are slim. It’s so worth it but may not be possible.
On forums we do hear about the miracle stories. But they’re the 5 out of 100!
My advice is get all the facts and work with a clinic you trust. They need to be honest with you. See how the first cycle goes and then think about limiting how many cycles you’ll do.
There are things that can be taken to help improve egg quality. Read “It starts with an Egg”. Ubiquinol is better that Co-A in over 35’s. DHEA can help but needs monitoring. I took Growth hormone and melatonin through my clinic. Plus higher dose folate and good quality vitamins. I’m a slim, fit & healthy non-smoker and exercise well.
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As you say we are warriors. And it gives me huge comfort knowing there are many of us all out there hoping and trying but also being pragmatic about things. A breather is definitely what I need, heading off on a break soon. Are you? 
Over 40s success stories 
Feeling deflated and needing some advice. Ivf natural modified cycles 
Terrified waiting for embryo transfer, will they make it?
NHS - IVF funding PLEASE MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD 
How DId your make it to Day 5 transfer.🙄
