People insisting on the miracle baby narrative

[LuxFleur]

How do you even deal with these people? I am exhausted. People who don't even know anything telling you to "just relax and it will happen." I don't have Fallopian tubes! It is impossible for me to get pregnant via sex. Adoption has become all but impossible for many people, and yet ignorant people who don't know anything at all about it say that there are "so many children out there who need a home." No there are not! It's a demand-driven industry, and it's a mess. It's like they literally can't deal with you unless they imagine that this story will work out for you. It's so exhausting.

[Lancal]

I totally relate. The adoption thing bothers me sooooo much! Where I am, adoption is next to impossible. It’s not at all like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt make it seem. You can’t just pop overseas and pick up a baby!

[Krystal_43]

“It's like they literally can't deal with you unless they imagine that this story will work out for you”🙌 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

[Krystal_43 in reply to Krystal_43]

So true

[Linzeeee]

Sorry if I missed anything earlier, have you tried ivf yet since you don’t need Fallopian tubes for that? Not an easy process either though x

[LuxFleur in reply to Linzeeee]

lol yes I have tried IVF

[Msze]

I always was so insulted by people who suggested adoption to me. In addition to it being such a complicated and difficult process as you mentioned, it’s also such a huge shift from trying to get pregnant and carry a baby yourself yet people say it like the two are interchangeable. Sometimes people are unknowingly insensitive - I totally get it.

[ToughCOOKIE78]

It’s absolutely flippin frustrating and the only thing to do is to ignore them! Reality is people don’t know what to say and some how to deal with their own issues, they prefer to wait for the ‘golden egg’ without realising it’s a massive waste of time.Sure, probably 1 out of 10 (actually less) is lucky and successful…but the majority isn't.

And its even more shocking when its your clinic/doctor telling you to ‘just wait’ ….which is why I changed clinic and when abroad. I was tired of hearing crap and was running out of time. And you know what? I had my miracle baby a week ago.

It’s always helpful to listen to people advice and experience but don’t let them get to you and if they judge just ignore them.

X

[Lancal]

Sometimes I feel like they can’t simply acknowledge my pain - they’d rather compare me to other people. My pregnant friend told me “there are plenty of women that don’t have children”. Like that is supposed to make me feel better?! I wish she would simply say, “it’s so f@cked what you are going through.” That’s it. Don’t compare me to someone else. Don’t try and solve the problem. Just acknowledge my pain.

[gianna83]

I totally understand how you feel.Two of my friends told me about adoption when i talked to them about my fertility struggles and i stopped spending time with them.One of them is also a friend of my husband's and she has tried to contact him as well but i told him that if he gets in touch with that insensitive b*%$h i will file for divorce.Not to mention that others tried to rub in the fact that they got pregnant naturally and they were ''so blessed'' (whereas i was so cursed,i guess?)

[gianna83 in reply to gianna83]

Oh,and even now that i had a baby,my attitude towards those stupid people hasn't changed.I avoid them because there is no point in wasting my time.

[Marisa32 in reply to gianna83]

This "blessed" crap triggers me too lol. In general, I avoid anyone who gets lucky one way or another, yet walks around like their ass was "blessed" and the rest of us are yeah cursed? Ignored by some diety? 🙄

[Lancal in reply to Marisa32]

Oh my goodness, YES! A pet peeve of mine. They are not special because they had a child! How many blessed people with miracle children are there now?!

[JoyfulStar in reply to Marisa32]

Hi there, just wanted to offer a different POV to how the whole blessed narrative has been interpreted especially as I used it recently in a post myself. I can get why it is being misinterpreted and perhaps some people would feel more comfortable if the word “lucky” was used instead.

For me when I used that word as a reflection of my own personal journey against the odds, being 44 finally being pregnant and for other personal reasons. It was not meant to be a reflection of anyone else’s personal journey.

I have been there seeing others get pregnant, including all my friends and my younger sister who also had IVF and got pregnant the first time. I have heard others use those same words. For me it never meant I was cursed or perhaps I was ignored. I just saw it as it was not yet my turn or was not meant to be. I was prepared to give up trying after throwing in the dice with 3 back to back cycles at 43 years of age.

IVF is not an easy journey to go through and even though I am pregnant, I still have my worries and fears. My journey is not over- not by a long shot. Ever since I joined this forum, I genuinely root for and pray for everyone on this forum because I know what it is like. I do know we all deal within this extremely tough journey in different ways and my way will be completely different to others and this is okay. For me, my faith has been a massive help especially during the worst moments.

All the best with your journey 🙏🏾

[Marisa32 in reply to JoyfulStar]

I think it largely depends on how the word blessed is being used. What annoys me are my religious friends who are sending to hell anyone doing IVF because playing around with embryos/life is I guess prohibited? They made it very clear that unless I get "blessed" naturally, I should give it up and not mess with it. "Just pray and it will happen in due time if God wills it"....is their usual answer. They were almost pleased that my IVFs didn't work. And quite shocked when I did get lucky and pregnant at 42 because they didn't expect an atheist like me getting "blessed".

[JoyfulStar in reply to Marisa32]

I am sorry so for what you have been through with your friends. Totally get your POV right now. So glad it all turned out well for you and congratulations on your pregnancy. 🎊

[Hidden]

You have to ignore them but on saner days realise they are saying it because they either don't know what to say or they want to give you some positivity.

Not only have I been really selective about who I have spent time with in the 'real world' these last couple of years but I have had to drop on and off of this forum quite a lot because whilst its been an incredible support to me even the women on here bring 'miracle' stories sometimes. I believe its really really well intentioned but sometimes backfires and hurts more. BUT as many times if not more it is that ray of light that someone needs to cling on to. I think it depends on our current mindset.

I am older than you and in a position now where we have one shot of donor and then we are done. So I will never have my own genetic baby. We can't have a 'miracle natural pregnancy', we can't adopt.. so we are really really done. In this position those 'I thought it was over but it worked for me I got pregnant by mistake' posts cut so deep because they just make me more jealous and more bitter and twisted. But 2 years ago they were JUST what I needed to hear as I wanted to still have some hope.

Sending you a huge hug. xx

[ZiggyandBC]

I completely understand!! Both my Fallopian tubes are blocked but any time I get sickness or feel unwell I still get the ‘ooo maybe you’re pregnant’ even though it’s impossible 😅 People who have never been through this will just never ever understand x

[IvfStruggler]

I think there is so little understanding of infertility. What really frustrates me how the nurses in my clinic would ask me to do a pregnancy test. I would tell them that my partner has absolutely zero sperm so it was pointless (and traumatic) and still they would go: well you never know... They must have been implying that I accidentally or unknowingly cheated on him. I also once told a nurse at my GP that I was doing Ivf and she told me that she had tried ivf but when she stopped she fell pregnant naturally. My immediate reaction was that I wanted to say: oh my, so you are the one everyone is always talking about! However after listening to her advice that I should just relax and go on a holiday I told her my partner has no sperm. She then STILL responded with: well you never know miracles do happen 😳😣🤯. Hang in there! Xxx

[Lancal in reply to IvfStruggler]

"oh my, so you are the one everyone is always talking about!" 😂😂😂