Does anyone else find that infertility makes them feel like an utter failure? I just feel so sad today. I don’t know if it’s the start of my withdrawal bleed after being on norethisterone, that I’m 35 on Friday and I’ve been going through this for 3 long years. I just feel so stressed. I keep comparing myself to others and I feel so inadequate.
I’m so sorry it’s such a negative post. Xxx
Oh hun, firstly norethisterone makes me feel utterly awful - it's the worst of all the drugs I think. Secondly I think everyone here can relate to that feeling. Especially when everyone around us is seemingly falling pregnant without even trying. BUT there is no comparison - I always try to remind myself that you don't really know what goes on behind closed doors. People seem to have everything together and in place but behind the scenes there are all sorts of problems and unhappiness. It doesn't make this journey any easier but I find it helps with my own feelings of inadequacy. Try to focus on you - and not others. This is your life and your journey. xxx
Thank you. Yes I suppose people’s lives are not always as you may think. Just trying to take one day at a time xxx
Not negative at all lovely just the sad reality of this journey! I have moments where I feel like this and then moments I feel so positive and hopeful it okay swings in roundabouts!
Be kind to yourself! It really is tough. I’ve been having counselling for the past 5-6 months and it has really helped!
Try and do something nice today or just relax (hard when your brains on overdrive I know)! Sending hugs xx
I am like that! My mood goes up and down! Some days I feel even feel like I’m coming to terms with things.
I tried counselling but she spent the whole time typing everything I was saying and didn’t really offer me much back such as solutions, just validated my feelings.
I took your advice and ate a shed load of chocolate today and now I feel better 🙈☺️ xx
aw that’s a shame with the counselling! I know it’s demotivating but it’s so important to get a good counsellor and someone you get the right vibe with. There’s no harm in tribally a few with initial consultations and then deciding. Mine offered me an initial consultation for that exact reason, I felt it was right and have stayed with her and honestly it’s made such a difference to me in many ways!
For how just keep taking it easy and keep eating that chocolate honey you deserve it right now! Xx
Thank you. I think I may try a different counsellor xxx
Gosh, am shocked to hear of a counsellor that would type things up as you are speaking! I work in mental health and this is unheard of 🙁 Legally we have to write up notes afterwards (and I might type things then) but it’s so important to be fully present in the room with your client. Most counsellors would take minimal notes. I’m so sorry you went through this. I think that’s a great idea to find a new counsellor. Mine has been so empathetic and supportive to my husband and myself (we go together and separately).
On a different note, the title of your post made me think of a podcast you might find helpful (How to Fail with Elizabeth Day). Elizabeth is a great interviewer and has sadly experienced pregnancy loss. She talks about it often. The podcast is about the fact that everyone “fails” and how it can change us and make us better people. There are loads of episodes but this one is with Jamie Dornan (for light relief to begin with!)
podcasts.apple.com/ie/podca...
Hang in there and I really things get easier soon. xxx
P.S. Was just thinking about what you said about the counsellor offering validation but no suggestions/ solutions. You might try looking for a psychotherapist rather than a fertility counsellor for a while - they can sometimes come at things from a different angle. xx
Oh this is nice! Thank you so much for thinking of me. That’s a great idea will prob help me get a bit of perspective on a few things!! Xxx
I will try this! I actually bought her book but haven’t got around to reading it yet.
I thought it was odd the counsellor was typing. It was on zoom. It felt completely disengaged and almost like I was being interviewed. At one point I wondered if she realised that she had the camera on. In the end she made me feel worse as she was sympathetic but almost in a pitying way which I really didn’t need. At the end she said her time was up and if I wanted to make another appt to go back through the clinic. Again, odd.
Maybe I’ll feed back to the clinic about her xxxx
Glad this was helpful! Yes, that’s a good idea to give a bit of feedback. That really wasn’t counselling. I’d have failed my college exams if I did that. Best of luck with it 😘
Thank you so much for the link 🙏🏻
Ow lovely, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I can say with certainty that you’re not alone. Not being able to conceive a baby as quickly, as naturally or even with the help of science immediately can really knock a persons self-esteem. Anyone going through this journey has so much more resilience than we’re even aware of, but we can’t be strong or resilient every single day. Sometimes we need a break, we need a rest and we need to just let it all out, to regather ourselves and our thoughts.
Take that time and then spoil yourself - do something for you that will make you feel good about yourself. Sometimes, I’ll buy myself a nice treat or indulge in a big pamper session. It may not take away all of the sad feelings, but it helps me feel like me for a moment.
Big hugs xx
It’s exhausting isn’t it being resilient everyday. I just feel so bitter sometimes. I’m going to have a social media/phone break tomorrow and switch everything off. And just be me-pamper, read, garden. Xx
I can understand that. Taking a break and switching off is great idea... a detox can be therapeutic! Xx
The journey sucks and I think ya can’t help but compare yourself to every other woman around you. It’s so hard some days. Although , you don’t know everyone’s true journey . Maybe some of them had it harder than they’re letting on.
Also, you did nothing to cause your fertility journey . It’s just your journey. Yes it’s hard and majorly sucks but , you are not alone in it. We all hear ya and feel ya. We too know these feelings. On days like this I tune out from the world and tune in to myself. I’ll have a bath, gin, a run , watch friends, eat pizza and crisps and have anything else I feel I need to get the joy back.
Negative posts are real. Fertility journeys are negative banter! Better to say how you feel here than gave another place with a mask of ‘I’m fine’ on.
Sending hugs of understanding,
You can do this! You just need a Wee self huddle 😘💖💐💖😘💖💐
🦏🐈x
Oh gosh you are so right!! I don’t need another area of my life where I have to put that fake mask on. This place is so good to be open with your feelings and reach out for support. It stops me feeling crazy, embarrassed, like a failure and mean (when I feel jealous of others.) xxxxx thank you!
Hun you’re not alone I have 100% been there and still am there sometimes.
It’s heartbreaking when you’re doing everything you should be and it still doesn’t work. It’s easy to say but don’t try and compare. I was once told “you don’t want their baby you want yours” and that helps a little to take the sting out but it still affects you.
You’re not a failure I try and tell myself that although the journey is easy easy for me it means that the end will be that much more joyful and precious.
I know these things are easy to say I have been where you are emotionally several times, I even told my husband to leave me multiple times because this journey isn’t what he signed in for when we got married. I said to him if he was with someone else that he would probably have them by now.
It’s a hard journey please be kind to yourself.
Kelly xxxx
Hi, yes I know how you feel, I'm sure many women on here do. I have thoughts like that all the time, I beat myself up and blame myself for the things my body isn't doing right. It makes me feel less of a woman. So I feel your pain. This is a really difficult thing to go through, and it feels so unfair. We just have to stay hopeful, as your username says! So many women before us have been through this journey and have come out of it with success stories to tell, so there is hope out there xx
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I know how you feel 😢 I even had a friend recently tell me that I could use her eggs if needed in such a flippant way. It completely took me back and when i reflected I was like 'whats wrong wrong with me eggs' 😫
I've had lots of lovely ladies on here tell me I'm strong and that keeps me going. I know I'll have my bad days but there also some good days. days. Today I was listening to my Spotify in my car on the way to work and Superwoman by Alicia Keys came on, so I cranked it up and it make me feel like a warrior 😉💪🏻
Keep going lovely, you are not inadequate, in fact you are the opposite! You are so strong! Lots of big kisses. Xx
I hear you lovely. I feel exactly the same. I’m 37 and have been ttc for 5 years. I’ve had 3 failed cycles and some days I wonder why my body doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. I feel like a total failure. Then other days I think no you didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything that was recommended, it’s not your fault. I think it’s only natural that we feel like this but we shouldn’t. It’s not healthy for us. I’ve contacted the counsellor at our clinic to help me process my emotions and stop beating myself up. Not sure if that’s something you would want to try as well. You are not a failure. Xxxx
You're so not alone!!!! And it's okay to have negative days. This is by far one of the biggest experiences we'll ever go through in our lives, so like your hubby says, remember to be kind to yourself. Worry about the things you have control over and trust that what will be will be. Always here for a chat, day or night! Ps. I'm 34 in a few weeks so can empathise with you there. This biological clock thing is such a pain in the @rse. Sending lots of love and good thoughts your way!!!
Bloody biological clock. It’s just frustrating as I was aware of the tick tock when we started 3 years ago.
Thank you for your offer of a chat! I am here for you too xxx
I definitely feel like this at the moment. I’m 40, we just did our final FET, we were going to have both remaining embryos put in, one didn’t survive the thaw and the other we fell pregnant.
Then last week I started bleeding at 6 weeks, to then find out later in the week that we’d had a Missed Miscarriage and the sac hadn’t developed past 4 weeks.
I can even have a miscarriage properly 😩 and a week later am still is loads of pain and still bleeding 😩
I’m totally done with forcing this process though. I’m going to get another puppy instead 🥰
Oh I’m so so sorry about your miscarriage. I had a missed miscarriage at 8/9 weeks in jan and it was so devastating. I had the medical pessary option to pass it and it was tough.
Please look after yourself. One step at a time. A new puppy sounds glorious!!!! How many doggies do you have? Xxx
We have two already, so one more won’t hurt! Cheaper than babies 😜
Doesn’t feel like LIFE
Hate feeling like this 😟 feel like I'm losing it 
Feel like I’m going insane 😩😂
Feeling Sad after three IVF cycle failures
