Silent Miscarriage, utter devastation.

[Sunflower_12]

After a failed 1st round of ICSI second round we ended up with 3 day 5 embryos, we had one 5AA popped back in and the other two frozen, I don’t know the quality of the frozen embryos I never asked as I was so fixated on the “high spec” but I know they weren’t as good as the 1st one.

We had our 8 week viability scan (delayed due to snow) and everything was perfect, heart and measurements. We were so excited.

We went for a private scan at 11 weeks to be told I’d had a silent Miscarriage which was a total shock as I had no symptoms and I’d never even heard of a SM.

We’re both devastated and are now coming to terms with the process we need to go through as my body is still holding onto the pregnancy.

I guess I just feel alone right now (even though my husband wants to comfort me 24/7) and wondered if there are any women out there with advice, positive stories of finally getting their dream or things that will help make this process over the next couple of weeks a bit easier.

Thank you

[Simz143]

I am so sorry for what has happened I have never been that far in a pregnancy before but have had few losses myself and any loss is devastating. It’s really a cruel and hard journey. I am sure it will happen one day but for now take some time to yourself be there for each other just don’t give up any hope. X

[Sunflower_12 in reply to Simz143]

Thank you Simz143 and sorry for your losses 😔. I’ve taken some time off work as home working with no distractions would be too hard. x

[Jess1981]

I'm so sorry for your loss-I had a similar experience last November I found my daughter had no heartbeat at 20 week scan and to say I was shocked and devastated. Anyway lady week I've just had my 4th pregnancy loss- 3 in a row and have now been referred to a miscarriage specialist. I know how you are feeling it is the worst feeling in the world. I do hope you have plenty of support and I am thinking of you. Again so sorry Xx

[Sunflower_12 in reply to Jess1981]

I’m so sorry for your losses, I don’t think I was prepared for that ever being an outcome at the scan it was just such a shock, I can’t imagine your pain at 20 weeks. I hope you get some answers now you’ve been referred, it seems cruel you have to have 3 before any support, I do understand why but it doesn’t make it any easier. I have a great bunch of friends who are always on hand but they’ve all been really fortunate with their babies and pregnancy experiences, so it sometimes feels a bit like a lonely island. xx

[Jess1981 in reply to Sunflower_12]

Thank you. It is very tough process, I'm lucky I have my daughter Francesca after 7 year struggle with 3 endo surgeries, I think having her has kept me going I can't imagine all these losses without her. Some CCGs will allow referral after a late loss but not mine. All CCGs vary just like fertility. I had to lose another 2 a chemical and a loss at 8 weeks 😥 id already had a chemical pregnancy before Francesca. I had all the infection tests with Amelia ( the daughter I lost) and nothing was found wrong 😥 the best I can hope is they allow me the steroids- I was recommended them by my ex fertility specialist for early pregnancy as I have raised nk cells but I wasn't allowed them due to COVID19. I swear they kept my Francesca safe. The GP isn't against them but I need to get a gynae to agree. It's very horrible but lots /most of women miscarry but most will go onto have a healthy baby. I'm in the minority- 1-100 will have recurring miscarriage. Even recurring miscarriages you still have a good chance of having a baby. I sometimes wonder if it's a numbers game. Just pot luck. This journey is lonely and god knows COVID19 doesn't help. When you have your baby your baby will be that bit more special and that much more appreciated just like i feel about my Francesca. Going through has made me realise just how lucky I was with Francesca. None of my friends have had struggles- one had an early miscarriage but I've now had 4 and it's not a one off event. I wouldn't even feel any excitement for a positive test I just would wonder when it would go wrong. Take some time out and let yourself get through this- you never forget the loss/es but with any grief you do learn to accept and live obviously it will always be a very painful memory. I'm sure your next pregnancy will workout Xx

[Lots8788]

I'm so sorry lovely and so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and take things a day at a time xx big hugs and here if you want to chat xx

[XOXO13]

I’m so sorry for your loss 💔

I suffered a silent miscarriage @ almost 13 weeks in March ‘20 and it was the hardest thing. Like you, I had no indication that anything was wrong and in fact still had strong pregnancy symptoms. My body just wasn’t letting go. It was only a few days after I got the news that my body caught up and I started to miscarry. I ended up miscarrying the same morning as my D&C. I still had the D&C as my doctor wanted to make sure I had a “complete” miscarriage.

Take your time to process and grieve your loss. Be kind to yourself and don’t shut yourself off. I did that and it didn’t help me.. I became very closed off. I’d encourage you to write down how you feel and to speak about it too with those you trust and who love you and will support you.

Sending you big hugs 💫 xxxx

[Sunflower_12 in reply to XOXO13]

So sorry for your loss 😔 it’s just awful. There not doing D&Cs due to covid so we’ve been given until Monday and if nothing starts I’ll be given tablets - as if the process wasn’t hard enough.

Do you know thank you for the advice I’m going to get my pen and paper out, I’m struggling to cry and I think it’s because I’m so scared I won’t stop, I know I need to so maybe opening up with pen to paper will help the process. ❤️

xxxxx

[XOXO13 in reply to Sunflower_12]

I think a silent miscarriage brings up lots of complex and unkind emotions but the best thing you can do for yourself is to allow yourself to feel them all.. it will help you process your loss. Writing is therapeutic, I did it myself and I still do to help me through this journey ♥️ Xx

[MiniS5]

I am so so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of love and strength xx

[LauraEW]

Hi sunflower, so sorry for your loss. I have had 2 missed miscarriages, similar to yourself we saw heartbeat and everything looking good in our 7 week scans. It completely floors you doesn’t it. I felt totally numb for a good few weeks after. Do whatever you need and take all the time you need. There is no ‘normal’ way to process and grieve, make sure you’re being kind to yourself. You will get through this and find your hope again. Sending you love and hugs xx

[Sunflower_12 in reply to LauraEW]

Thanks Laura, and sorry for your losses. Your right I just feel numb and in this limbo situation waiting on the inevitable happening. I honestly didn’t even realise that it was possible until Saturday, but now realise that so many women are affected by this awful experience. ❤️❤️ Xx

[MrsH86]

I’m really sorry for your loss. Silent miscarriages are so cruel as you think everything is ok 😢.I found the first week after finding out the absolute worst, and difficult to process but slowly over time I started to read more about coping with miscarriage and when I had thought of a suitable way to remember our baby I felt a little bit better.

My silent miscarriage was my 5AA I had a FET not long after of our first little frostie and it did work despite not being the ‘top’ embryo.

Sending thoughts and hugs ❤️ x

[Sunflower_12 in reply to MrsH86]

Sorry for your loss, but congratulations on getting your rainbow baby ❤️ I’ve managed to read some today and even hearing I’m not alone and how people have coped gives me strength.

It’s really great hearing your frozen embi worked and like me your first was your 5AA. I love having hope. I think I was just fixated on how perfect it all was, but maybe those not so perfect little embis have more to fight for ❤️❤️

Thank you for sharing xxx

[RhinoCat]

I’ve been through this too. Just take your time, process the pain and be so so so kind to yourself.

You’ll recover better if you do. I don’t have a happy ever after yet , hopefully soon 😘💐

You are not alone. Massive hugs to you both! So so hard 💐💐💐💐💐💐

[Casper_]

I needed to read your post, thank you. I am currently going through it. I had first ever BFP in February, only to be completely brought back to earth on my 8 week scan last week. I really didn't see it coming, we also had a grade 5AA 😔I am hoping and praying that my body will catch up soon because I am not sure how much longer I can take waiting for the unavoidable..This journey can be so cruel and completely devastating. Hang in there please, take one day at a time. Take care of yourself x

[Sunflower_12 in reply to Casper_]

Oh Casper I’m so sorry, 😞 sounds as if we’re at very similar stages my BFP was Feb too. The waiting part just feels like another cruel joke on top of the heartache. I sat last night watching TV till my eye sockets dried up as I was so scared to lie in the dark. If you need anyone to talk to at any point then do private message me, sending you a massive hug ❤️ Xxx

[Casper_ in reply to Sunflower_12]

Thank you, for your kind words, this is the best part of this group, that you realise you are not alone and there are other people going through this too... I just cannot believe how naive I was to think that everything will be plain sailing... because we have been through so much to get here.. I just burst into tears every so often, but I am hoping that once I get through the physical part I can then move on, otherwise it just feels like a limbo... my poor husband doesn't know what to do with me, I have never been this low. Thank you though for your message, I wish we could just fall asleep and wake up when it is all over...

[muststayhopeful]

Oh I’m so so sorry. The same thing happened to be in Jan. It’s horrible but I promise it gets easier in time. I found it so hard to decide between a medical management and surgery. Please private message me if you need support. Thinking of you xxx

[Cinderella5]

Juat wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. Take time to grieve and remember your lost little one, it take everyone different times to recover and things that get them through. Massive hugs.xx

[andromedae9]

So very sorry for your loss. It happened to me last year. It was devastating but it was also the furthest we had come on our journey. Take your time to grieve and heal. You're not alone. xx