It sucks

[kelsbels88]

Hi

Why does peeing on a bloody stick hurt so much?!

Hoping hurts; this whole bloody journey hurts.

Credit to all of you who keep fighting. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how much more I can do it. Hubby doesn’t do hope anymore.

I’m just hurting so bad. Why do bad things happen to good people and bad people seem to get everything?

Sorry for my outpouring but thought this might be a safe space

Thanks for reading

[Aurora20]

Exactly how I have been feeling, your not alone x

[kelsbels88]

Thank you 🙏🏼

I’m sorry for you too xx

[Millbanks]

Oh love, I’m so sorry. It’s just awful awful awful. Sending lots of love to you xxx

[kelsbels88 in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you for replying. It is such a rollercoaster I am just constantly being heartbroken it’s just hard to handle every single month. Thank you xxx

[JoyfulStar]

So so sorry my dear. Feeling sad today as well. It’s amazing how you can feel hopeful one day and then so so disappointed the next. 🥲 It reminds me of a saying in the bible that “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”

I will have you on my thoughts and prayers 🙏🏾

[kelsbels88 in reply to JoyfulStar]

Thank you it means a lot.

I always think I’m fine until the period comes or I have to per on the damn stick. Then I realise how very not fine I am and how much I pretend.

Thank you for thinking of me and I hope you are ok xxx

[JoyfulStar]

Thank you kelsbels88. I am okay as can be considering. The ironic thing is that the same hope that hurts is what keeps me going....

I have decided what my cut off point will be but I have resolved to keep going till then and accepted that there will be setbacks and hope dashed. It does not always help in the moment though...

Sending you lots of love and virtual hugs.❤️🤗

[kelsbels88 in reply to JoyfulStar]

You’re better than I feel at the moment.

I’m having a very down moment in my journey of what is the damn point I have never had a positive test in 5yrs why did I think this one would be any different I only have one tube it’s probably never going to happen.

Apologies for spilling on you but thank you. I’m glad you have some sort of boundaries in place for you and they are helping. Xxx

[JoyfulStar]

Please dump away. I can only imagine what you are going through and I will probably be feeling the same if I have been doing this for 6 years.

After a BFN last year, I decided to do embryos banking. My first cycle went quite well but second has been disappointing so far. I have always known my chances were slim being 43 and all but then you only hope. Here’s that word again. 😞

I am scared to sometimes admit that I may never have my own child but it is the truth and that really hurts when I honestly think about it. I am tearful as we speak. However I have decided to still have faith for now and will cross that bridge when I come to it.

The fact is we keep going until we have no more fight/ energy to keep going. Only you can decide when that is but it is best not to do it straight after a disappointment. Feel free to PM me if needed.

[kelsbels88 in reply to JoyfulStar]

Thank you.

I know you are right. Only I can decide when they time is. Part of me never wants to give up hubby and I have no children this would be our first like so many other couples. I know we are not at the end of our road just yet we are hoping ivf will be an option but the initial appointment isn’t until may and as you can probably understand that feels like a lifetime away.

I have one tube so there is a chance naturally, he says he doesn’t believe in hope anymore that he will only deal in facts and that the fact that in 5yrs we have never had a positive means he doesn’t think it will happen naturally he has a lot riding on the ivf and I think we’ll if it can’t happen on its own what means it will with that.

I always used to have this belief that I would always be a mum but after all my obstacles to get there I’m starting to think the universe is trying to tell me something. I work with kids so maybe I’m just meant to help everyone else’s and not have any of my own. And I keep crying too. I have bled on and off for the last month getting my hopes up that just maybe this month was it and the test would be positive but alas it wasn’t.

Hope and faith is what keeps us going somehow and I will probably come around again but it just hurts so bad in the moment. Thank you I may just msg but I’m crap at reaching out when in pain xxx

[JoyfulStar in reply to kelsbels88]

Your hubby and my DH sound very alike! While telling me that the fact that IVF is a lottery and most people don’t win, he still makes the right noises and tries to be supportive.

I will PM you myself and check on how you are doing tomorrow if that is okay. Take care my dear xxx

[kelsbels88 in reply to JoyfulStar]

Thank you ♥️♥️

[BECIO in reply to kelsbels88]

Hey I am feeling the same at the moment snd came across your post. I also work with children and was thinking the same thing, it’s hard when I hear parents complaining about their child or regretting having them! Hope today you are feeling maybe a tiny bit better. Xx

[Hidden]

Im so sorry kelsbels. I guarantee you that everyone is exactly where you are at certain point so never think you are less strong ❤️ sending you strength xx

[kelsbels88 in reply to Hidden]

Hi thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

I know I knew ppl here would understand and my hubby was working. He is at the end of his tether with hope so doesn’t really know what to do anymore when I get emotional.

Thank you ♥️♥️xx

[AJJ123]

I know how you feel, I end up analysing it for ages and sometimes even convince myself there is a slight line.

It doesn’t help when you get evaps or blue dye runs either, you get false hope x

[kelsbels88 in reply to AJJ123]

Oh hunnie I’m so sorry 😢

Please know I’m thinking of you I’ve never had any line I’m starting to think I’m just not meant to get a line no matter how hard I believe or pray or beg for one

Sending lots of love ♥️♥️

[AJJ123 in reply to kelsbels88]

You will get that line, don’t lose hope - I’m not just yet. Xx

[kelsbels88 in reply to AJJ123]

Thank you I’m trying lots of luck and baby dust xxx

[XOXO13]

I hear you.. I’m terrified of pregnancy tests because seeing the negative hurts so much. I avoid taking them for as long as I can, unless I’m forced to when I’m going through an IVF transfer... and then I can barely bring myself to look at the result.

But if it’s a natural month and I’m late, I just wait and see because the anxiety of the test being negative is a little too much for me! Xx

[kelsbels88 in reply to XOXO13]

I hear you back I only took the test because the gp told me too. I keep hoping that it will happen in its own but it hasn’t in 5yrs so I don’t know why I expect miracles anymore. They adjust aren’t something that happens to me. Everything in our life has been a bloody struggle. Nothing has come easy for us. I had a couple weeks worth of bleeding dr said do a test and either call the EPU or call for a smear after all the comments think it’s clear which I called but still hurts like a Motherf*#ker.

You’re not alone thank you xxx