I quit smoking but relapsed after failed cycle

[Kemagzer]

I quit smoking four months ago in order to start IVF. I've been smoking since I was 13, I'm now 35 and over the last year have tried to quit multiple times. Each attemp saw me gain about 10lbs so attempt number 5 had to stick, which it did. Four months for me is amazing. I have low AMH and I was told it was imperative that I quit smoking before starting IVF. We only managed to get 3 eggs. One was transferred and unfortunately the other two didn't survive. On Monday, 14 days post transfer bloods were taken (I couldn't face taking a home test) and we found out on Tuesday evening it didn't take. I was kind of prepared for this but obviously upset. Normally when something happens that upsets me, I smoke. So in typical me fashion, I asked my friend for a cigarette, he gave me 3 and i smoked them all. I'm feeling so guilty, stupid and angry with myself. They were disgusting, which is a positive but have I gone and undone all the good work I've done? I've been reading about how you can improve egg quality in 90 days with diet, exercise etc and how what you do now has an impact on the eggs you produce in 90 days and I'm riddled with guilt. I'm determined to lose weight and sort my diet out but can someone please tell me when the 90 days start. Is it 90 days from my next ovulation or 90 days from my next period? All the articles I've read just say 90 days but don't give any information on when to start the 90 days and I'm very clearly obsessing right now due to feeling so guilty so any advice would be greatly appreciated! Also, how long should it take for my period to come after a failed cycle? Thanks to anyone who takes the time to reply.

[AS100]

I’m really sorry your cycle didn’t work ❤️ Be kind to yourself. My period came quite quickly after a negative and stopping the medication. Well done for giving up smoking! You have done and are continuing to do really well 💪 3 cigarettes is neither here nor there, stop beating yourself up! Focus on how gross they were and how you don’t want them again 😉 This link gives info on the 90 days natural-fertility-info.com/... but all of these things recommended would have a positive effect, not just after 90 days. Take care xx

[Kemagzer in reply to AS100]

Thanks so much for your reply and for the link. I appreciate it!

[HemBella]

I’m an ex smoker although I gave up a long time ago. What I’ll say is just be gentle with yourself. IVF is such a difficult journey, and an emotional rollercoaster. If you only gave up approx 4 months ago it’s totally understandable that you sought comfort in a few cigarettes. The heartbreak that a failed cycle brings makes you want anything that will help take the pain away. After my first failed cycle I think I got quite drunk!

So don’t feel guilty and that you have undone all the good.

You’re still here and you are still going. You gave up smoking and that is such a huge achievement. Just keep going and keep doing the best you can. Good luck with everything xxx

[Hidden]

Hey lovely. I agree with previous posters. Dont beat yourself up because of a few cigarets. Its so hard to quit and you did very good for 4 months.

Im sorry your cycle didnt work. Its stressful already. But i hope we all can give up the bad and focus on the good. It just takes alot of us and there we need to be our own best friend x x x

[Kemagzer]

Thanks for your reply HemBella and Mimisami. If I was talking to a friend I'd tell them exactly what you told me so thank you. I'm going to stop wallowing and beating myself up over something so trivial in the grand scheme of things and concentrate on doing the best I can going forward. Thanks for the support and positively ladies. It is greatly appreciated!

[Franjohn]

Me again! I also started smoking again after the last round failed, don’t be too hard on yourself. I’ve got myself a vape to prepare for the next round xx

[Kemagzer]

Thanks Franjohn! It's so hard to stay away from them in times like this but we can don't this! Xx