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Tough follow up appointment after failed FET

Kat_15 profile image
28 Replies

Hi fellow IVF warriors 💪🤗

We had our follow up appointment today after our first failed transfer which was an FET.

Our consultant is great but very matter of fact. She reviewed all of our history so far for our two egg collections and FET transfer. She said my hubby’s sperm had improved lots which was good news but our problem was that the embryos didn’t develop quickly enough which is most likely down to the quality of my eggs (even though two were graded as excellent quality in the lab but she explained this isn’t always the case when it comes to how they perform).

She said our quickest way to get pregnant was donor eggs or we could try a more natural, less medicated cycle but she would recommend we batch our eggs and then try an FET again.

We also found that our NHS funding is now used up as we had to do two batching cycles and then one FET and as we had nothing left to refreeze.

It was a lot to take in and very upsetting because it now feels like the issue is mainly with me but also the fact we now have to pay.

She encouraged us to try naturally this month (not that I feel in the mood at the moment!) too as she said I would be fertile after treatment.

I’m keen to move forward with treatment when my next period starts but I think we will also look to get a second opinion. Having only had one transfer, we don’t feel ready to give up on my eggs just yet.

I’m also starting to seriously consider whether I quit my job for a year to fully focus on this. Has anyone done this and would you recommend it? I think it would help ease stress but I am also worried it would be difficult as I wouldn’t have much else to think about apart from IVF!

Would love to hear people’s experiences. It’s been a very tough day but we will get through it and fight on! 💪🌈❤️🤗 xxx

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Kat_15
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28 Replies
Fingerscrossed38 profile image
Fingerscrossed38

Hey, sorry to hear you didn't get the best news today but not all is lost.

I think you're right to try another round with your own eggs. There are things you can do to try to improve egg quality human growth hormone, dhea, coq10, acupuncture etc.

I quit my job in May last year to be less stressed and focus on getting pregnant naturally but by December nothing had happened so decided to investigate why. Did an IUI which failed and then our first egg retrieval with pgs testing around Easter. I was worried my eggs were the reason I'd suffered two miscarriages since August 2017 and not fallen pregnant since the last miscarriage in March 2018. Was it chromosomal? I was 38. I got back 6 normal blastocysts and just had first fet yesterday. No idea if it'll work. But back to my point, having a job would have made things really difficult getting to scans, acupuncture, appointments etc and just stressful. Having time to myself allowed me to rest and focus on this. However, you do become obsessed by it. I may have also been obsessed whilst working I don't know but certainly would have been more stressed and time poor. Not working gives you a lot of time to think which isn't always a good thing. Work can be a healthy distraction. I'm lucky in that I don't need to work so money isn't an issue but if it is for you, perhaps not working will cause further financial struggles? IVF is so expensive and if a second income will help you get extra tests (PGS etc) perhaps working is worth it?

It's such a difficult process but the good thing is you're focused on having a baby. You'll get there, take your time making this decision. Xx

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to Fingerscrossed38

Hello, thanks for your thoughtful message. I really appreciate you sharing your experience. Wishing you lots of luck and positive vibes for your FET. I’m rooting for you!

Thanks for your sharing your experience about giving up work. I spoke to my boss about my treatment today as I felt the time had come to do that and he was really supportive and said he would help me get the time off I needed. Therefore I’m thinking I will stay in my job for now but may take a career break at a later point if it gets too much. It’s so challenging to juggle everything isn’t it?

We could manage financially but things would be a bit tighter as we would need to ensure we were saving for future treatment.

You mention about supplements in your post. Our consultant recommended C0Q10 300mg and omega 3 1000. I have also started on DHEA again. What does do you take?

Lots of luck for your FET. Keeping my fingers crossed! 🤞 Xx

Fingerscrossed38 profile image
Fingerscrossed38 in reply to Kat_15

Hi,

I'm glad your manager was understanding and willing to work with you during this process. It makes life so much easier when it's open right.

Like you say, the extra cash will definitely ease things financially and be a welcome distraction. And like you say, if it all gets too much you can always cut back or call it a day.

We both took coq10 200mg per day plus omega 3 1000 per day, vitamin D 3000 a day, zinc, vitamin E drops and our wild nutrition fertility for men, and fertility for women. No idea how much it helped.

I've heard human growth hormone does wonders to egg quality and I would have certainly pushed for that had we not done quite as well as we had done.

I did a bit of acupuncture for 4 months but to be honest don't think it did much.

I'm 2 days into my fet and I feel like it's failed. I don't feel anything, no implantation cramps nothing and it should have happened by now. I'm so over this whole process. It's so demanding and life consuming and it happens so easily for some. Sorry I'm venting :-(

Have a good sleep 💤

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to Fingerscrossed38

Hi lovely. Thank you for your message. I really hope you get your BFP this time and try not to worry about not getting symptoms. I had every symptom going or so I thought (sore boobs, cramps, extreme tiredness) and got a BFN so hopefully no symptoms is a good thing! I think if you do get symptoms it tends to be the medication so try not to worry too much. I know that is much easier said that done!

I'm hoping it will make things a bit easier at work but I'm still wondering if staying at work in the long run is the right thing to do. We have booked to get a second opinion from another clinic in a couple of weeks and we can then go from there.

Trying to stay positive and not give up hope just yet. Wishing you lots of luck and positive vibes. xxx

Tiddly1984 profile image
Tiddly1984

Hi Kat, Sorry to hear that you've had a tough day and an unsuccessful cycle. I think it would be worthwhile you getting a second opinion for your peace of mind. This may then leave you feeling better placed to to make a decision regarding privately funded IVF using either donor eggs or your own.

Taking extended time off is also tricky because it can leave you feeling isolated and with little distraction during a process which can be all consuming and heavy on the heart. It can also be really hard to adjust to going back to work which would be an additional issue later on. I know that work can feel like chore, but it can also be good for you mentally. However I agree with Fingerscrossed38 that there are also positives to taking time off and that you should take the time to do what's best for you all things considered.

Just a bit about my IVF experience...I had 8 eggs collected in June 2019. 6 fertilised and 3 made it to blastocysts. I then had a single fresh 5 day egg transfer which was unsuccessful. I'm convinced that the stress of the egg collection (painful) and the prescribed IVF medication had a lot to do with my failed attempt. My body was under so much stress and was manipulated so far out of sync with its natural cycle that it just would not work. I then didn't have my next frozen egg transfer until August 12th 2019 after giving my body a break and time to re-regulate itself. My cycle swiftly went back to normal and I opted for a natural cycle frozen egg transfer. This meant that I was simply monitored to determine when I ovulated naturally and was given no medication. Once my natural ovulation surge was detected via OPK and a scan, I had my frozen egg transferred 5 days later. The process involved nothing else. I tested 4 days after the transfer and got a faint positive. I'm convinced that the absence of medication/procedures made all the difference.

So my advice is to not feel too disheartened and to consider using another of your eggs in a natural cycle (if that's an option) if you decide to privately fund IVF before opting for donor eggs. This may require that once your eggs are collected you give your body a month or two to rest and don't transfer straight away.

Also, there's no reason why the donor eggs would be anymore successful if your eggs were graded great quality. It actually stands to reason that if the egg quality does not always determine performance, when transferred, then what is to say that equally great donor eggs would perform any differently to your own once transferred. It seems to me that if the Dr is unable to identify a specific issue with your eggs then you're taking a chance either way so why not take the chance with your own eggs at least for one more try.

Wishing you the best of luck!

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to Tiddly1984

Hi Tiddly. Thank you for your thoughtful message and for sharing your experience. I really appreciate it. I was a bit heart broken yesterday but I’m feeling a bit stronger today. Going to book an appointment at another clinic that has been recommended and told by manager today about my treatment and he will is going to ensure I can get time off so hopefully that will help with my future treatment.

Many congrats on your recent positive, really pleased for you. Hope everything continues to go well for you. Big hugs. xx

everhopeful83 profile image
everhopeful83

Hi Kat, I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do next ❤️❤️❤️xxx

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to everhopeful83

Aww thanks so much, I really appreciate your kind message. Hope you’re feeling good so far after your BFP. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy. xxx

everhopeful83 profile image
everhopeful83 in reply to Kat_15

Thank you Kat😇💖xxx

Wow that does sound quite punchy. I am so sorry you didn’t hear quite what you wanted and can understand why it’s knocked you sideways a bit.

I personally think one transfer does seem a bit early to give up. I’ve also been told over 35 embryos can develop a lot slower but that’s not necessarily reflective of quality and having ‘excellent’ quality embryos almost argues with what she said. I am however no medical expert. If I was in your shoes I would feel like it was too early to give up but also tempted to get a second opinion.

Re work I asked my consultant as to whether it would help (have a stressful job) and he said he hadn’t seen any medical evidence that proved it would work. I ended up deciding I was obsessed enough with ttc (thinking about it ALL the time) and if I didn’t work I may go bonkers .. but that’s a personal choice

Either way sending you a huge hug and hope you work out what to do. If it’s any consolation I am on round four with varied results each time - my consultant has said if embryo quality not great this time we need to have a chat but it was fair to try at least once more as whilst some rounds haven’t been great others have been okay.

Good luck x

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to

Thanks so much for your thoughtful message Daisy and for sharing your experiences. Yesterday was a tough day but I feel a bit more positive today.

Wishing you much success with your next round. I really hope it is your time. 🤞🍀xx

Dreamingofbaby profile image
Dreamingofbaby

Hey Kat. Sounds like a heavy appointment with lots to think about. All can do is weigh everything up a re next cycle and I agree a second opinion can’t hurt just so u know ur options. Re work. Def a personal choice but agree with others in terms of it can be a good other focus and distraction and doing this is hard enough as it is so whether more time to think about and focus on it is debatable whether it would help or not. Is there a balance u could strike like reducing ur hours or diff role? Maybe things to consider. Def not easy but as hard my job is too, the diff focus and social aspect and routine def can be helpful to get through some dark days of going through treatment. All can do is what feel be best for u and partner. Look after u xx

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to Dreamingofbaby

Thanks for your message hon. It was a very tough day but I’m feeling more positive today. Got a recommendation for another clinic so contacting them tomorrow to arrange an appointment. I’m not ready to give us on my eggs yet.

Starting to think I will stay in my job for now as my boss was so supportive when I told him today.

Hope your 2ww is going well. Rooting for you and sending hugs. xxx

Hanbee33 profile image
Hanbee33

Hi Kat sorry you had such a difficult appointment yesterday and so much to think about. Is such a difficult time. I gave up work in February as quite stressful and felt it hadn’t helped in my 1st cycle. I spoke to my manager and they very kindly offered me a 6 month career break. I did feel more relaxed this time and easier to get to appointments etc. I have found it hard though as most of my friends work or if they are off on maternity leave so spent a lot of time on my own. I haven’t found this great as just meant worrying a lot and feeling down and I have decided to go back to work in September. I am glad I took some time off but was much harder than thought being at home as used to being so busy. Is there any option of asking for a career break in your job? X x

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to Hanbee33

Hi Hanbee. Thanks so much for your thoughtful message and for sharing your experiences. That’s great you could get a career break. Unfortunately I don’t think that would be option for me but I did speak to my boss about our treatment for the first time today and he was really supportive. We have a special leave policy so I should be able to get some time off through that.

So sorry to read about your viability scan. Sending you a hug and hope everything is okay. Xx

Hanbee33 profile image
Hanbee33 in reply to Kat_15

Thanks Kat. So glad that your boss was supportive and that you should be able to have some more time off. This journey is tough enough as it is without having to worry about work and how to get time off for appointments. X x

Sarahmanc profile image
Sarahmanc

Don’t give up my love. Your consultant is right that you are much more fertile after an FET. I fell pregnant naturally 1 month after my FET failed. It was absolutely the last thing I was expecting. I really hope it all works out for you xxx

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to Sarahmanc

Hi Sarah. Thank you so much for your kind message. It has given me renewed hope, thank you. Your little boy is gorgeous. xxx

Sarahmanc profile image
Sarahmanc in reply to Kat_15

Thank you love. It’s such a draining journey and it’s understandable that sometimes you feel like giving up but life has a funny way of surprising you when you least expect it xxx

Noah1981 profile image
Noah1981

Just wanted to say I’m rooting for you and I hope your day is on the horizon in the very near future you have great positivity about moving forward and that will benefit you good luck sweetheart xxx

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to Noah1981

Thanks lovely, I really appreciate your kind message. Rooting for you too! xxx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2

Aw Kat I would definitely get a second opinion. If your not ready to give up then don’t, especially if you have had excellent quality eggs recently xx

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to Kyell2

Thanks Kyell, I really appreciate your message. It was a shock when our consultant said about donor eggs being our best chance of getting pregnant quickly. It just felt like a bit of a jump when we have only been through one transfer. Wishing you lots of luck for your 2ww. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Xx

Hope76 profile image
Hope76

I think you are right not to give up using your own eggs for the time being. Have you tried transferring 2 embryos ? I am fortunate IVF worked for me first time aged 39, it was a double 3 day transfer and we got our miracle son Harry who is now 3. Aware of my age we tried an FET with our one frostie when he was 1 but it failed. We then went through a brand new cycle again last year, fell pregnant again with a double transfer. Sadly ended in miscarriage, frustrating as they said was due to gestational sack being too small nothing to do with embryo 😕. We then tried again another FET soon after with our one frostie from that round and another BFN. Had 2 fresh cycles this year, one we didn’t even get to transfer stage and the other we recently transferred 2 great quality embryos and another BFN. 😕 Was so sure it would work given my history with double fresh transfers. Am dreading my follow up appt soon as know they will suggest donor eggs and I just feel so disheartened by our continued failures since our first miracle. Part of me wants to give up and concentrate on him but at aged 43 now I just want to complete our wee family. It’s so hard, regarding work, I was made redundant start of this year and decided instead of concentrating on looking for a new job to concentrate on IVF and of course my son. I would say I have a lot more time to dwell on things however the alternative was finding as flexible an employer as I had previously. My son has just started Nursery and as we have now spent 15k private IVF am kinda thinking I need to think about a job now. Do I spend the rest of my redundancy and have nothing to show for it or do I blow the lot .... it’s almost like gambling 😂. Some days am so down and others I just look on here and know am better off than most women so maybe time to be happy with what I have got and pray for a miracle. Unfortunately I have suspected tubal blockages both tubes so very unlikely it will happen naturally. But if your tubes are fine I say go for it you have nothing to lose. Good luck 🍀 x

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15 in reply to Hope76

Hello, thank you for your message and sharing your experiences. That's so wonderful IVF worked for you first time but I'm so sorry you haven't had much luck since. Sending you a big virtual hug!

I definitely would have considered transferring two but of our four precious frozen embies only one got to the right stage by day 6 (slow developing) so unfortunately we could only transfer one. Do you mind me asking what stage your embies were transferred? Our clinic insisted they have to get to day 5 or 6 rather than day 3 (this was when they were frozen) but I have a friend who had treatment aboard and had two embies transferred at day 3 and she had her little boy earlier this year.

I'm sorry to hear you got made redundant but that's good it has given you the opportunity to go through your cycles without having to worry about work. It's so hard to know what to do for the best when it comes to work. My job is pretty pressured/stressful so I worry it has an impact on my chances even though the research suggests otherwise.

Sending you big hugs and positive vibes. I hope your follow up appointment goes well and you keep on fighting. xxx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5

I got told the same Kat, we were NHS funded sometime back and we had a nightmare 1st cycle - 7 eggs, 0 to transfer. We got told at that point we may need to consider DE as my eggs were likely the problem (although hubby has v.low sperm count), however I had a bit of a suspicion that my meds had been cocked up. We went for cycle 2 and only got 2 blastocysts out of 6 eggs, all of the other embryos were discarded. We got a BFN but felt a little hopefull. However again at review they told us it was most likely my egg quality that was a problem. My hubby was keen to move to DE at that point but I wasnt ready. We gave my OE another last shot and got 1 blastocyst out of 9 eggs, again none to freeze and a BFN. Our consultant at review was pretty honest when I asked what our actual chance of success was and he said on looking at my previous cycles 5%.....gulp! Knew it wouldnt be good but wow that was pretty bad considering we got 3 blastocysts in total. However having had that extra shot at OE did help settle me a little that my eggs werent up to scratch and moved onto DE after that. I guess the consultant was right when we moved clinic and got 6 blastocysts from one DE cycle, way more than I could have imagined so yes my eggs were a bit rubbish. Really what Im trying to say is that its hard to move onto DE but until you have had a couple of go's with your OE and can feel confident you gave it your best shot then go for it if you have the money. Good luck.xx

Kat_15 profile image
Kat_15

Hi Cinderella. How are you? Thank you for your thoughtful message and for sharing your experience. My heart goes out to you as I understand how upsetting it is to be told that.

I worry that I am kidding myself by continuing with my own eggs but I just don't feel ready to move on to donor eggs just yet having only been through one transfer. We batched our eggs and got four eggs and two frozen day 3 embies from our first egg collection and the second egg collection we got six eggs and two frozen day 3 embies. However when they defrosted them the two high quality ones (from our first cycle) were the only ones that developed beyond day 4 and when they did my transfer they said our one embie was 'trying' to become a blastocyst so they were happy to proceed but I had my doubts if it would work then.

I am 35 so it is hard to comprehend at the moment. I wish I could go back in time and have tried for a family sooner but for various reasons we waited as we wanted to travel and then I got my dream job so wanted a year before we started trying. This was almost three years ago.

I have never fallen pregnant in that time so I do wonder if it will ever happen but I just can't give up hope yet.

Sending big hugs and positive vibes. xxx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5 in reply to Kat_15

Thank you! Yes it is hard to hear, I think you have to be sure you have given it your all before you can move on! I see that you're giving DHEA a bash. Im sure that's what helped me get 3 blastocysts. I unfortunately didnt meet my OH until I was a bit older and 38 when we first did IVF and my OH has a very low sperm count. Please dont beat yourself up for not trying sooner, you couldnt have know what was ahead. Im the same I havent ever fallen by myself either but I still give it a try, there's no harm in having a little hope! Wishing you loads of luck for your next cycle.xxx

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