Feeling down

[Billiejean01]

Hi everyone, I just wanted to vent a little at how I'm feeling at the moment as I am struggling but friends and family just don't seem to understand. It's been roughly two months since our second failed attempt at IVF and I still feel completely gutted, I don't feel I can talk to close people about it as I get the whole "well it was very early on and it wasn't anything at that stage, it's not like you lost an actual baby" I have to try my hardest not to be upset most days and feel like I'm putting on a front all of the time especially when people keep saying how well your coping and how strong you've been when actually I feel anything but.

It also seems that lots of friends all seem to be falling pregnant at the moment and I feel terrible for not being able to be ecstatic for them as it is wonderful news but I just feel sad.

We desperately want to try again in the New Year but finding the money is adding more stress and pressure.

Sorry for going on but I feel like I'm going mad with this going around in my head constantly. Xx

[katya38]

It really is awful isn't it. You can't truly understand it unless you're going through it. I had a pregnancy scare the other week and when the test was negative my husband said oh well you knew you had no eggs anyway! ! And he's going through it too but doesn't understand what it's like. My cycle failed in august and don't think I came to terms with it until recently. It's horrible how it takes the joy out of other people getting pregnant and wee nieces /nephews being born.xx

[Sunny_skies]

I completely understand how you are feeling Hun. I felt the same after our first attempt ended in a miscarriage. I felt like my whole world had come down and no one fully understood how disappointed I was. At one point I started to feel that my partner didn't have understand either. But then I began to realise that they will never understand and they can only say things to try and make me feel better. This process is so unique that if you haven't been through it you will never know understand.

I know it doesn't help with children everywhere. Last week I went to do some shopping for my god daughter and was looking at baby clothes and seeing pregnant women shopping and mothers with babies. That really broke my heart but I know it will be my turn one day. All I have to do is believe and keep on going.

I really hope things work out for you and you get the BFP you deserve. xx

[Billiejean01]

Thank you both, that's made me feel a bit more normal now!

I hate feeling like this but hopefully it will be our turn one day. I think going shopping for our niece who's 18th months yesterday for Christmas just brought some buried sadness to the forefront yesterday. I think my partner just thinks I'm miserable all the time but I feel I can't really talk to him about it as he tries to switch off from thinking about it as it makes him sad and angry but it's all I think about when I lie awake at night trying to sleep.

My body is still a bit messed up from all the hormones as well so it's not a case of being effected emotionally, physically your reminded as well.

Praying we get all get our BFP someday soon! Xx

[katya38]

I think when you want a child so much you get to the point where it just gets a bit unbearable. Baby clothes in the supermarket, bonfire night pictures on facebook, all the kiddies dressing up for halloween. You feel like you ll never get to do all that. Xx

[Hidden in reply to katya38]

I totally get this too.you just so want to be able to experience it and feel like you're excluded from the 'club'!

[BabyD]

I'm so sorry for your loss. No one in this world can understand what you are going though, not even someone who has lost a baby themselves because everyone's journey and experience is different. Everyone deals with things differently, everyone grieves differently. Try not to let other people's words get you down, instead try to focus on the positive things that those people bring out in you. And yes, everyone gets pregnant when you can't. I think that's down to you noticing it more, like when you get a puppy suddenly EVERYONE has a dog. We are mid IVF at the moment after 3 failed IUIs and everyone has a baby... I feel like screaming. Just try and stay strong xx

[Billiejean01 in reply to BabyD]

Thank you for your reply BabyD.

You are right, I think because its on my mind constantly I'm suddenly more aware of babies everywhere, especially now as all of our friends our settling down and starting there own families when we've been trying for 4 years it just feels a little raw and we desperately want it to happen for us. We haven't told our friends either so they are unaware that we are having problems, if they were then I'm sure they would be a little more sensitive.

Sorry about your failed IUIs crossing all my fingers and toes that this time works for you! xx