So after everything and all the begging and tears from him I agreed to give it another go
He told me he had told me everything and it was me he wanted and all just a big mistake
Nearly 2 weeks on he’s finally told me they are still in contact and she is willing to do anything to keep him
He’s told me everything I wanted to hear and made me believe it was me he wanted and again dropped me
He told me it was me he wanted more than her but he couldn’t live with what he’s done and stay with me knowing there’s feelings still there as that shows there’s something wrong
I made him go to the sexual health clinic for tests which he was adamant he wouldn’t need and he wasn’t worried and he tested positive for chlamydia so I’ve had to go for all the tests yesterday and pick up antibiotics- heartbreaking and embarrassing to say the least
So now he’s chosen her, how do I move on?
Written by
OlsonM
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Oh Hun! I am so so sorry you are going through all of this crap... And I don't think there is anything I can say to make you feel better, but believe you are not alone, and so many lovely women with big heart are here to support you!!
Life isn't fair, and I'm so sorry it happens all at the same time! Make sure you surround yourself with your family and friends, don't stay on your own. And if you need to talk, please feel free to message!
My thoughts are with you!!! Xxx
I don't have any advice really Hun other than stay strong, be kind to yourself & believe in time you will find somebody so much better. 10 years ago I was in a relationship with someone who was the most important person to ever be in my life at the time. I loved him so strongly & went out of my comfort zone to ensure he knew that he was loved so deeply & cared for. We were meant to be trying for a baby for a couple of years then he started to cut down the sex saying we needed more to the relationship than so much sex. Alarm bells rung but like an idiot I tossed them aside. One day we had a row & he cut all contact just like that!I had an idea in my heart he had been cheating but couldn't believe it when I saw the profile pic of the woman on Facebook a couple of months later, he had got her pregnant when he was with me! I can't tell you how broken I was for around 18 months. I was so sad & definitely not looking for a relationship when I met my husband... I struggled with trust big time but my husband loves me so much & what I have with him is amazing. I still hurt if I think what my ex done but I've never been happier than I am now. I hope you heal & find yourself a good man too. Sending you lots of love until then. xx
I am so so sorry that this happened to you. I went through a similar situation 10 years ago, although thank goodness we were not trying for a baby, and having got through that my advice would be:
- You deserve so much better than this. You deserve to be with someone who would never ever in a million years treat you this way. The right one for you would never behave like this. This man, whatever his good qualities and whatever lovely times you may have had together, is emotionally selfish, immature and destructive and for your long term happiness you need to get as far away from him as you can, as fast as you can.
- Don't be surprised if he continues to contact you and at some point tries to come back again. Chaotic men like this will keep causing emotional chaos in your life for as long as you allow it. Often it won't stop and he will keep popping up every so often (while stringing one or more other women along on the side) until you decide to step off the merry-go-round and you refuse to communicate with him.
- You have had a loss and you are grieving. Treat yourself gently, allow the sadness - you have to feel all the bad feelings of loss and anger and loneliness and fear because the only way out of this is right through the middle. You will not feel awful forever. Counselling really helped me when I was in a similar position, so did writing in a journal.
- It doesn't matter what he wants, what he did, why he behaved like this or how he is feeling. You need your energy for yourself, for working out what you want your best life to look like and for building that, not for endlessly going over and unpicking what he did and said or for stalking him on social media or texting him etc etc. I know your mind keeps going back to him, but the more you can train yourself when that happens to stop and give that mental energy to yourself and what you need instead, the better.
I am so sorry about how you have been treated. You need to cut all ties now, talk only through someone and move on. He will never change and how he has behaved is not a reflection on you but of him. You deserve so much better.
Speak to a counsellor, let others support you and prioritise you. Now you know what he’s like you can’t have any regrets. If you hadn’t given him one last shot you may have always wondered what if. Go and get your eggs frozen if possible as this may make you feel better. Time is a great healing, you will get through this. He is the problem not you so hold your head high and go and find the man of your dreams! Xxx
Hi Olson. Im so sorry to read this. I am all for forgiving and second chances especially when there is a long history but this you dont deserve. It is just not fair. I hope you feel strong enough to move on without a person that treats people like he does. X
Hey hun, I was just thinking about you yesterday! Im so sorry that it hasnt worked out and he has buggered off again. However, you have done what was right for you at the time and tried to sort it out and for that you can be bloody proud of yourself for even if you dont feel it!! Be kind to yourself, make some plans to get out with friends and family. Just try to keep going, it will take time to get over what you have been through. There is no quick fix unfortunately but there are better people and better things out there for you....you deserve so much more and you will get just that!! Lots of love and hugs.xx
Well he came in this morning and said he thought saying all those things would push me away
I text his mum and said I couldn’t have contact with his family and I was sorry but it was too hard
So now he wants to stay “for good” and knows it’s what he “truly” wants. He said he can see how much I love him because of how I’ve behaved during this time as he was doubting that and thought I wanted to stay with him because it was easier xx
This man is playing around with your heart and you really don’t deserve it. I imagine it must be so confusing and that it may be difficult to decide what to do for the best. I really feel for you. But I have to say I agree with what others have said, it is likely that this cycle will just keep going if you let him. That is not to say any of this shit is your fault or responsibility. He clearly has some deep rooted issues but it is not fair the way he is messing you around and testing you. It is unhealthy and if it continues I think it is likely to chip away at how you feel about yourself and that is really not good. You are amazing & brave and you have given everything to try and make it work and he just continues to mess you about. It shows zero respect for the damage he’s causing. You deserve to be treated so much better than this. Sending huge hugs lovely ❤️ Xxx
Oh gosh, this is bloody torture....torture that you dont need nor deserve. I'm all for giving it a second go but I think hes burned his bridges now. You are not getting one good thing out of this relationship now and he is messing with your head. I have been in a similar (not cheating) position where an ex wouldn't let me go which I couldn't see at the time. It broke my heart in a million pieces to break contact, it's like a death and there is a lot of mourning to do. Thinking of you, it's such a lonely place to be....if you ever want to chat I'm happy for you to PM.xx
Oh lovely sorry you’re still going through a difficult time. It sounds like he is playing mind games and turning things round as if all his behaviours were a way of testing you. He did what he did because he wanted to & that’s nothing to do with you, your love or who you are.
You need to think of you and you only. Could you honestly see yourself going through treatment again and bringing a child in to the world with someone who treats you like this? It just wouldn’t be good for you and your mental health, IVF is hard enough as it is for a start.
You are a strong woman and do not need him and I know you may not feel that way now but it is true. You deserve so much more ❤️
I'm sorry love, not much else to say. I cant walk in your shoes so I can't feel your pain other than empathy.
Be careful what you wish for is good bit of advice, I have no doubt you have better to come love. I try not to log on here much anymore as 5 fresh rounds of icsi and 2 Iui's before that I'm very realistic. But I will keep going and that's my choice. Choose your own path and bloody live inbetween choose to live good life X
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So that's it over for me 😪
Deliberating over this 
Upset over pregnancy announcement 
How did you get over your first Negative?
I want this to be over! 
