Does anyones OH annoy them whilst going through IVF? I can hear him laughing and joking on the phone to friends, it’s like he hasn’t a care in the world, it’s all on me, or so it feels.
I just don’t feel he grasps what I’m going through. It’s making me angry. He’s just carrying on with life as normal and I’m just full of anxiety and can think of nothing else but the embryos.
I really hate IVF there’s not a single part of it I enjoy and it annoys me that it’s me going through it all when it’s male factors. Know I’m not suppose to say that but there you go I just did!!
Feel my OH was supportive last time but this round it’s like he’s lost interest.
Really angry and frustrated today!!!!!!
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LittleT123
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Ha ha ha YES. I have hated mine so much at times, especially now he’s given his sperm sample he’s able to eat whatever he wants, drink and not worry about injections, tablets, pessaries, every twinge, every anxiety or fear. It feels overwhelmingly unfair at times.Totally agree - not much more to say than that right now……
It's so annoying that compared with all we go through, all they have to do is w*nk into a pot. And mine complained about that!!But do bear in mind your previous post, the progesterone could be making you irritable?
Heya, I feel terrifically guilty for having these same thoughts sometimes, so thanks for making me feel not alone! We're also doing IVF for male factor and though I know it's not kind or fair, I sometimes feel angry that I'm the one having to go through an invasive, intensive, exhausting treatment because of an issue my husband has. I obviously don't blame him for having bad sperm - it's not as if he chose it - but it would be much more fair if he was the one that had to undergo all the medical procedures to compensate for his bad sperm...! I know it's not easy on him either - it must be awful having no control over anything in the IVF process - but it's also okay for us ladies to feel like we got the short end of the stick because, well, we did. 🤷♀️ Sending you a big hug xx
IVF hormones and stresses can really make us act so different from normal and have some crazy thoughts eh? I’m sure you would never not want your husband to be not laughing and joking on the phone to friends normally and want him to be happy. But Yeah it sucks that you are the one going through it all and it’s not as easy to ‘escape’ as it is for him but that’s not his fault (whether it’s male factor or not is irrelevant, still noones fault). Perhaps you could join in the fun too with him and give yourself a break 🤗 it might be good to say to him you would like his support to be in the happy place he is as it’s a little bit more difficult for you to do that just now so does he have any good suggestions on how you guys can take your minds off it together? He probs doesn’t know what to do to best support you.
In terms of your own mental health though I found it’s so important to focus on you lots during treatment and not rely on other half (cos let’s face it sometimes no matter what they try and do it’s usually the WRONG thing when your hormones are raging 🤣) there’s lots of great resources to help with IVF mindfulness and the app is good too. Perhaps someone has recommendations for some resources where it’s male factor issues and supporting the women to deal with unwanted feelings that come with that? It does sound like the hormones are probably intensifying things a lot for you but if you have that niggle in there about the male factor issue it’s probs best to deal with it internally in case it comes out in the wrong way I’m a heated moment later down the line in my experience. I hope you feel better soon 💕xx
I know how you feel, my husband complained on our last cycle that the computer to watch porn was switched off in sample room due to covid and he had to use his imagination!
Just talk to your OH and tell him how your feeling hopefully he can reassure you that he is anxious too and respects what your going through even if he can't relate. Try not to bottle your anger up the meds do intensify it.
I have learned over the years that men and women process issues differently. When I was going through IVF, I wondered how committed my DH was and even questioned if he really wanted a child with me as he’s had kids from a previous relationship. I have since found out that he was protecting himself emotionally from disappointment.
IVF can be all consuming for us women that I think we can sometimes forget to stop living. After all this is over all we have is our partners so I will try cutting him some slack. My DH was always there when I needed him to be so that had to be enough.
With regards to their role in the process, yes it can seem small but I do have some sympathy for then as I once had to assist my partner in producing a semen sample because he got so nervous and just could not get it done with all that pressure! Luckily because he’d had a vasectomy years ago so we had to have his sperm surgically removed for our IVF/ICSI cycles.
It will be nice to laugh and joke with your partner despite the shitty IVF journey.
Yes, I have been very very annoyed in the past (with him and with myself)!However, with this last treatment we get along much better and my mood swings are not so intense as in the past. HURRAH!
I really think it's because I changed clinics and medication. We've been down such a bumpy road. I like to believe that all that has made him realise that he has to be more attentive with me at the moment. And it's not that he did anything wrong previously but I was always expecting more. Unfortunately, IVF can be a very lonely experience sometimes.
Even now during my 2ww, I sometimes get annoyed because he can still do many outdoor activities (kayaking, camping, jogging, etc), while on the other hand, I just feel like a sloth on the sofa.
Check this out....guess what he got me for my birthday? He got me a stand-up paddle! A stand-up paddle???!!! Don't take me wrong, it's a very nice present but in my mind it just tells me that he doesn't grasp that there are certain activities I can't do at the moment cause I'm trying to get pregnant! But then again, I try to remind myself not to be so critical. He means good, so I try to think of all the good things he likes to do for me usually and remind myself that he also has his needs.
What I can tell you is that I've noticed that progesterone makes me very tired. There are days in which I could go to bed at 7.30PM after work. I struggle with seeing myself like this at the moment. It's like I don't have a life. I try to remind myself that when I'm not doing a treatment, I'm usually more active and open to things.
But it doesn't end there, I also get annoyed when my friends suggest going out to a bar at night time. I know I'm more sensitive than other people but haven't they heard me say that I'm going through IVF???
Anyway, I just wanted to share with you my experience so you don't punish yourself. Remember that the hormonal medication plays tricks on us.
Yes mine does constantly they just don’t get it. I just got BFN on our 7th round today at home and he’s on the phone with a mate like nothing has happened whilst I’m trying to keep it together and not cry again for the 1000th time. Feel like never had his support and today is the day he should be a bit more caring. He’s attitude is if we don’t talk about it it hasn’t happened. Well it has and I need his support.
Good luck with your cycle hope you have the result we all wish and pray for. Will keep you in my thoughts x
Hi I’m so sorry to hear of your BFN I’ve been there before and feel your pain. I know that attitude, don’t talk about it and it hasn’t happened. They are so different aren’t they. They deal with the whole situation in such a different way. Here is you need to chat to anyone xx
@LittlrT123 - Thank you for taking one for the ‘women doing male-factor fertility IVF’ team, and just coming out & saying it as it is!!
Yes, it’s not their fault. No, they don’t deserve to feel guilt for something they cannot help. Yes, if there was an option for them to have to have everything done to them, they probably would.
BUT!!!!!………
It is the woman that has to suffer so much, time & time again. Physically and mentally, even financially (I’m self employed so don’t paid for any time off for IVF). We have to make so many sacrifices and ‘live it’ every waking moment of every cycle.
Of course we can sometimes feel resentful. We are ONLY HUMAN and are shouldering soooo much. What kind of fuckery is it anyway, where one person has a health problem, yet the other person’s body (and mind) takes the battering for it?! This does not apply to anything else in life & is hideously unfair.
It’s not easy to say this out loud because on top of EVERYTHING else we’re going through, we also have to feel guilt for feeling this way.
So thank you all for saying it on here because it certainly has made me feel a lot better to know I’m not alone. It’s made me feel less of a monster for also having these thoughts. And at the end of the day, if it was the other way round & my partner had to take the battering for a health issue I had, I know I would be treating him like an absolute king!
Love to all you ladies going through this & wishing you all the luck in the world x x
You are not alone!!! First time round I felt guilt for having these thoughts and wrapped him in cotton wool, this time I’m like fuck it, it is his fault intended or not so I will direct my progesterone rage his way and he can suffer just a little because I have to!! 😂😂😂 love him to bits he’s amazing 99% of the time but we are all human as you say xxx
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