Apologises for all my posts that are just about my life rather than treatment but you all give such good support and it helps so much knowing there’s people who ‘get it’.
So last weekend I faced my anxiety and went to celebrate my best friends surprised drinks which was a brilliant night. I felt quite upbeat Sunday and slightly excited for Christmas until family friends announced their pregnancy, he’s taken steroids and hit her yet there Facebook announcement (luckily I knew before this point and unfollowed them) couldn’t be more in your face. I tried to deal with it by reminding myself how lucky I am to have my hubby and how I wouldn’t want a baby with a man like that.
Until Tuesday my hubbys stepbrother announced him and his girlfriend of a year are expecting and due a month after I should of been. No wonder my father in law and his wife haven’t been supportive or upset for us they’ve know they’ll still be getting their perfect grandchild.
Please don’t think I’d want anyone to have to go through what we have cause I absolutely wouldn’t but i can’t help feeling bitter and so broken for me and my Hubby. We’ve done everything by the book and still get dealt this heartache. My hubby was going to spend Christmas with his dad (due to the bad prognosis of the cancer) but now he doesn’t want to as all it’s going to be is baby talk. I feel so torn for him as I want to protect him and say don’t go but I don’t want him to look back with regrets next year if his dad doesn’t make it.
Oh and to end my week, my period arrived today. Happy bloomin’ Friday 🤦♀️
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That is so difficult for you and your husband. Hearing about pregnancies of friends/family/associates really makes the pain of a personal loss even worse for you. There just seems to be one thing after another which neither you or your husband need. Just to let you know I'm still thinking about you. Does your hubbie's stepbrother and gf know you have lost recently? Try and have a relaxing weekend if you can. Big hugs. Xo
Thank you so much for your continued support. It definitely feels never ending at the mo, yeah they know about the loss but tbh my hubbys step mum has been less that understanding so I don’t expect much from them 😕xx
I’m so glad you went to your friends surprise drinks and enjoyed yourself, that’s really good to hear! 🙂
Sorry that you’ve since had the horrible news of your hubbys stepbrother and partner expecting a baby. Life is very unfair, I don’t understand why some of us are dealt such a rubbish path in life and others seem to have it easy.
Could your hubby have a chat with him? Maybe just to say as exciting as the news is for them, it’s hard for both of you and could this Christmas which may be the last with his dad be enjoyed as just that, without all the baby talk.
Thank you, I know I can’t help but feel bitter at the moment that it seems so easy for everyone else. I don’t want another Christmas ruined (last year my brother and SIL announced their pregnancy following our miscarriage and unsuccessful cycle).
There not very understanding and I worry my Hubby will end up more disappointed speaking to them but maybe his dad will have a word.
Hope your doing okay and things went okay with your sister xx
Don’t apologise for posting about how you feel. We’re all here for each other. It must be so difficult having 2 pregnancies announced on top of everything that is going on with your FIL. I totally get why your hubby doesn’t want to spend Christmas with his dad if there’s going to be loads of baby talk but I agree with you that if it does turn out to be his last one then he may regret it. Could you have a word with your MIL maybe and explain that whilst you’re happy for his step bro you’re still struggling to come to terms with your loss ask them to tone the baby talk down a bit?
Thank you so much, unfortunately my MIL has been less that understanding and all she wants is a grandchild. She’s my hubbys step mum so this will be a biological grandchild to if you know what I mean. I’m going to see if I’m FIL will have a chat with her thought. Hope your doing okay?
Oh hun I'm sorry it's such a hard time for you. I'm so pleased you went to your besties party and had a great time 😊 I completely feel your pain...my bro and his wife are due on Monday (2 weeks before we should have been) and while I'm so so happy for them it does bring home what you don't have. I've tried asking people to be sensitive but it hasn't gone down well so know how youre feeling. Such a hard and unfair path. I think you and your hubby should speak to his dad....explain what you'e
Thank you,I think your right we’ve always protected other people’s feelings but maybe thats the problem we’re not honest about just how hard this hurts when we need to be. Sorry your going through the same thing, I hope your coping okay. It really is a cruel journey this xx
Well done for going to your friends party, I know that was a tough decision but glad it was the right one. However it’s no wonder you feel rubbish with all these announcements. I had a similar thing with a friend who had only been with someone 1 year they weren’t yet married and it was completely unplanned. It was like a kick in the gut and I cried a lot and felt very sorry for myself. Cheese and monster munch helped too! I’m sure you’re feel bitter about it for a while but am sure it will get easier! Big hugs xx
Thank you, haha I did buy some chocolate today and my hubby was like I thought you were eating healthy. My reply ‘crap week and my periods arrived’ he goes Il just leave you to it 😂 xx
Announcements are tough at the best of times but its harsh when it is family who you expect to be more sensitive and understanding!
It must be tough for u and hubby that his Dad is sick. Perhaps his Dad's head isnt in the right frame of mind atm to offer more support.
Eat the chocolate, enjoy it! I think we put ourselves through enough pressure and endure enough heartache without depriving ourselves of chocolately goodness....😘
Bless you lovely, you and your hubby have been through so much and sometimes it feels like it's never ending. You are incredibly strong and I totally understand why you're both feeling this way. I really don't understand why life is so unfair at times and why AF always seems to turn up at the most difficult or inconvenient times. Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you both and I do hope you're able to enjoy Christmas this year. Sending love and BIG hugs. Please feel free to message me if you need a chat xxx
Thank you so much, I surprisingly wasn’t as upset about AF arriving as I thought I guess I knew I needed her for my next referral. It’s hard as my family are so understanding yet his don’t seem to want to understand 😕 hope you get on okay with the clomid xx
I'm so sorry to hear that, in a way I can understand how hard that must be for you both. I have only told my close family, 2 close friends and my Manager. My family and Manager have been so understanding which has really helped. One of my friends who knows who I also work with has tried to be understanding but she has recently come back off maternity leave and if I've had a rough day where I feel the 'need to talk' it then soon follows with lots of baby talk which generates a big discussion amongst all the mums in my team (everyone but me) about their children. It is my choice not to tell anyone else and sometimes I think maybe I should just be honest but at present it's too personal. Try if you can to put you and hubby first and enjoy Christmas. I do hope you hear about your referral soon. Fingers crossed 2018 will be a better year. I'm taking one day at a time, helps me to digest and process things easier. Love and BIG hugs and keep in touch xxx
So sorry you have all that going at work to, it’s so rubbish when ‘baby talk’ begins. Exactly it’s entirely up to you to keep it private, we didn’t tell anyone in the beginning and only now have started being honest with a few more people but it’s not common knowledge.
Thank you, I have said to my Hubby we need to concentrate on us and making the most of this christmas, they’ve said it should only take 2/3 months and tbh I need the break so I’m not to fussed just yet. Your definitely right about taking one day at a time, sometimes it helps even just taking a few hours at a time xx
Hi lovely, 2-3 months will hopefully go by quite quick with Christmas in between and a break is probably a good idea, it may give you both an opportunity to focus on yourselves and have a bit of 'me' time which is important. Christmas can be a difficult time and I really hope you are able to enjoy the festivities. I completely understand that it can feel hard to keep positive, especially with everything you have gone through / are going through. I am here if you need to talk. Love and BIG hugs ❤ xxx
Oh Hun. It’s so crap feeling negative about other people’s good news but you just can’t help it. I saw that people we know have just had their 3rd! I think I only want one. I’m not greedy. I’ll take what I can get. Why should they get 3? I think it’s part and parcel of the infertility experience to be honest. It’s also so hard with family as there is inevitably times when insecurities creep in. I know what you mean about the biological effect. One of the reasons I think we shouldn’t adopt is I know my family will feel differently about them to when my nieces have their own. It will be “oh it’s been so long since we had a baby in the family”. Realistically it will all probably coincide. We’re not in a position to adopt yet and so that gives another 3-4 years approx in which time I could very realistically be a great aunt.
It’s so hard when your hubby’s dad is ill but I tend to agree with you that your hubby may regret not spending time. Maybe your FIL is making a fuss of this new baby because he knows it may be a short lived experience. Whilst that doesn’t help you guys, it may help your hubby come to terms with his Dad’s behaviour.
Thinking of you as you work through the next couple of weeks. It’s a hard time for all of us with infertility but even more so when you’re dealing with very serious illnesses. xxx
Thank you so much, your right I’m exactly the same about just wanting one. I said to my Hubby I just find it all incredibly unfair why our babies keep dying again not that I’d want them to go through it. But like us all on here we go through so much crap to get pregnant and then it’s snatched away.
Sorry you have the same problems how biology, I guess people don’t get that all we want is a baby to love.
I’m sorry to hear this. Infertility is so hard and it’s evener harder when people you know are pregnant. I experienced it when we were going through the ivf process and it was hard on my mentality. Xxx
ffs...so often things are just shit and all come at once or your doing ok then bam...sending you my love and hugs and know that I share your pain...last night putting up tree I did get all emotional see Cinderella5 me too 😂pathetic and was probably the gin but somehow this time of year just amplifies the upset. .just hold you hubby tight and you will get through it..sending much love xx
Thank you, I’m putting my tree up tomorrow I’m sure il be the same 🙈 your right this time of year makes everything even more crap, I hope your hanging on in there xx
It's such a kick in the teeth when you hear of someone falling pregnant, even more so when it's someone in a rubbish relationship who doesn't look after themselves. I hate the resentment and bitterness this brings out of me. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, but it takes a stronger person than me to look at the babies that are conceived in these crap situations and not feel very, very pissed off with the universe. I totally feel your pain, and totally get it. I've completely relied on this forum for emotional support and would be in a much darker place if I didn't have it, so you should never apologise for using us as a sounding board for your frustrations and sadness.
I agree with the other comments though, and if you can get the message to the in-laws that the baby-talk needs to be contained, then it would be a real shame not to spend this Christmas with your FIL given his diagnosis.
I really am so sorry that you have been pushed to the limit time and time again. Sending loads of love and strength to you for the coming weeks, whatever they bring. Always here for a chat if you need it xxxx
Thank you so much, you’ve written exactly how I feel regarding the bitterness as much as I don’t want to feel it I can’t help it. I feel like I’m biting my tongue a lot less now as well which I’m not sure is a good thing of bad when it comes to certain conversations.
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Doesn’t feel like LIFE
Sister has cut ties with me due to my pregnancy announcement... 😠 😡 
Donor egg resentment 
Lost the plot!
