IVF as a single woman

[NetballGhirl]

Hi there. I'm single but really want to have a child some day. I'm 34 and have trust issues, hence I have not met anyone close to being trustworthy/reliable never mind raise a child with. I am hoping to get IVF (even if I have to pay for it) as a single woman with a sperm donor. Has anyone had this done? I would love to know your experience and what happened? I'd love to hear from you x

[Hidden]

Hi,

I’m single and using a sperm donor due to a failed relationship last year. I’ve been given one round of IVF on the NHS as I’m unable to have children naturally. Have a look at my posts and If you have any questions I will be happy to answer. Welcome to the group 😊X

[NetballGhirl in reply to Hidden]

I certainly will thank you xxx

[Kyra-J in reply to Hidden]

Wow your very lucky I was told this won’t a option for me even after finding out I have fertility issues. Wishing you all the best

[LisaBeatrix1980]

Hi, I am single, 39 and have been undergoing IVF alone since the start of this year with a donor. My treatment got postponed due to Corona but I am due to have my FET in 2 weeks time. I am more than happy to share anything with you, my journey so far, what was involved from my side and where I am at now. The only suggestion I would give is don't put anything off, if you want to have a child and are confident to do it alone, like it sounds as though you are, go for it! There are lots of resources out there and supportive people on here that will be a great support for you if and when you need it. All the very best xx

[Hidden in reply to LisaBeatrix1980]

Hi,

I’m in a similar situation as you..39 and using a sperm donor..just awaiting to start a frozen transfer which was cancelled in March. This lockdown has been difficult but I’ve worked the entire time as I’m a front line worker so that’s helped to take my mind off things with being busy x

[LisaBeatrix1980 in reply to Hidden]

Oh wow we are in exactly the same boat! Mine was cancelled then too so it feels like an incredinly long wait doesn't it. I didn't have as many eggs/embryos as I'd hoped and only 2 made it to blastocyst, grade C which of course isn't what we would all hope for but I am so grateful to have gotten to that stage to be honest. Every step seems like such a big hurdle. Have you been given a date for FET or are you waiting for Day 1? This is exciting, someone at the same stage and in the same situation as me. Keeping everything crossed for you x

[Hidden in reply to LisaBeatrix1980]

I had my first fresh transfer in Jan which failed. Out of 9 eggs I only got two embryos so one frozen embryo left. I was about to have my embryo FET in March then it was cancelled due to Covid 😕. My clinic has started treatments again but every month when I ring they say they not doing any FET..I’m due on this week so hoping I can go ahead. I’m 40 in August so I don’t want to wait any longer. It good to chat to others who are in the same situation as me. Good look on your transfer xx

[NetballGhirl in reply to LisaBeatrix1980]

Thank you so much Lisa. I will be giving you a shout for sure. I understand there are rules regarding BMI so I have to lose a bit of weight first. If ever there was a motivation or losing weight this is the one! Was it your GP you spoke to first for advice or did you just select one of the private clinics? I'm hoping by early next year I will be in a position to start my journey xxx

[Hidden in reply to NetballGhirl]

If you are paying privately the BMI restriction is not so strict in most clinics. It is if you are having treatment under the NHS though but single women have to pay for fertility treatment in England. The policy is different in different clinics. Although, being a healthy BMI is supposed to help you conceive easier.

[NetballGhirl in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I think for health reasons they prefer you to have a lower BMI. I live in Scotland so not sure if it is any different to you guys. I will need to have a look into which clinic. I am happy to pay for it and I'm assuming there are less waiting times for private clinics? Xx

[Abbie254]

Hi NetballGhirl, myself I am not going the solo route, but a friend of mine has. She had IVF with donor sperm. Here in Belgium it is no problem at all. The only thing is insurance. In Belgium, to get insurance covered IVF, you have to have a medical reason for it, otherwise you first have to try IUI 3 times.

It can be tough after the birth, at least the first two months or so, make sure that you get support from someone, your parent/sibling/friend/colleague/professional doula. Best of luck!

[NetballGhirl in reply to Abbie254]

Thank you that is very informative. I will certainly need the help I am sure. Got a very supportive family xxx

[treezuk]

I can’t comment on donor sperm but we did donor egg and we chose Greece because it is anonamous there I’m not sure if that’s something that worries you or not but for us that was a must.

[NetballGhirl in reply to treezuk]

I'm not sure it worries me too much. I guess I hadn't thought about that actually. It is something to think about x

[Bluelady-sing]

So brave I wish I could be

[NetballGhirl in reply to Bluelady-sing]

Or stupid 🤣 seriously if you want it bad enough then consider it xxx

[Southwestcat]

i am 43 so having double donor treatment now....the DCN are worth looking at ( donor conception network) and loads of resources out there such as books/ groups / podcasts etc.

I had a counselling session today / feel exhausted tbh and am interested that you mention trust issues as I contemplate why i am in the situation I am, there is much strength and gratitude and learning in this unconventional route though ,

There are some differences in UK / other countries with regards to treatment ( anonymity/ cost etc ) , good luck xx

[Hidden in reply to Southwestcat]

I am really trying to get my head round why so many women are now interested in becoming a solo mum from a social /psychology point. Previously I had been waiting for the right man to appear since I was 15. I've had a hell of lot of disappointment. At times I think I was too trusting this led to my disappointment and also me ending up in an abusive relationship. I tried online dating (different sites etc) and different methods e. g changing appearance etc. Most the men not interested in having relationships on dating sites. I don't know whether society is slowing beginning to change or what and women are trying to blame themselves by saying they are not trusting enough.

[NetballGhirl in reply to Hidden]

I have never had a long term partner. Any I have has made me worried. My sister had a really abusive relationship when I was 11 (her son's father not only beat her up but broke the baby's hip and fractured his skull), family and friends trauma with men walking out on their children/affairs/controlling/ traumas/ theft. Add on this my own unfortunate experience as a child. I dont think I could ever meet any man I could trust not to leave me in a worse place than when I met them. I've 'waited' more than 10 years for the "right man" and he must be in disguise hiding from me 🤣 I've seen 3 people from my class in uni (back in 2008) happily married with their perfect family then one husband had an affair, one was a controlling abuser and the other just fled abroad after conning her out of her home and life savings. I mean who would want that!? And putting a child (or children) through the trauma of separation,divorce, custody battles etc. And dont get me started on interfering in-laws 🤣🤣

[Hidden in reply to NetballGhirl]

I am sorry for what you have seen and hope your nephew is OK now going through that horrible experience. I am also conscious of the risks of ending up in another horrible relationship. I can't understand why people think being a single mum is such hard work compared to being with a bad partner. I worked with a women the once who worked 4 nights a week. She had to look after her two own young children. Then she had to look after her young stepson too. Her partner only worked casual and didn't look after the kids much. Now that really hard.

[Hidden in reply to NetballGhirl]

I was with my husband 16 yrs had 2 kids he was starting to get abusive fuelled by alcohol I stopped it and left before it got worse, best thing I did although being alone with a 7&5 yrs old was a scary thought it was a lot easier without him there and our house was peaceful. I do have a new partner well not new been 6 yrs I found him on tinder lol lived 5 mins from be and worked at the bottom of my street yet I’ve never seen him before it’s funny how thing happen. We’d been ttc 3 yrs lots of losses but finally 20w pregnant couldn’t be happier. Good luck and do what you need to do to start your family x

[Southwestcat in reply to Hidden]

hi, i also was in an abusive relationship and had ivf then, online dating sites, known donor sites, donor ivf and now DD ivf...where i am now at 43 was not the dream tbh but i am trying to continue , i am fortunate to be able to afford treatment, am grateful for the treatments and donors and rersources and strength and determination i have x

[Hidden in reply to Southwestcat]

I just wanted to say good luck with everything. xx. I think alot of people who go down the fertility treatment journey, have been through alot and not just for fertility reasons.

[Hidden]

I had a baby at 39 through IVF with donor sperm in a clinic in the UK. He is now 8 months old. I had 3 unsuccessful IUIs before this abroad. I was lucky my IVF did work first time.

[NetballGhirl in reply to Hidden]

That's amazing you got your baby so quickly. Thank you x

[Bungleboo]

I have a 7 week old baby after having ivf with donor sperm last year. Used two different clinics in Scotland (ivf worked on second cycle) Feel free to PM me. I’m part of a really supportive solo mums FB group/WhatsApp group and can give you details if it would help x

[Hidden in reply to Bungleboo]

Hi, I'm new to this app but looking for support and saw your post, I hope it's okay to msg...I've purchased donor sperm and hope to start iui soon to be a planned single parent. I've waited for this a long time, and before going on the waiting list I obvs thought about it alot and I feel sure that being a planned single parent is much better than being in an unhappy relationship. But now treatment is getting close, I've suddenly got all a sense of anxiety about it all. I'd love to know what mums in your group say to support each other?

[CLDxxx in reply to Hidden]

Hi lovely,

First of all good on you for making this decision and taking control of your life. I made the same decision a year ago and am now 33 weeks pregnant. I delayed next steps for personal reasons & it didn’t work for me straightaway unfortunately which is why we’re a year on but just wanted to say I haven’t had one negative comment about my decision and as you say better to be solo than stuck in an unhappy relationship. Making this decision means you have no expectations from a partner too which I think can be half the battle!

I read a great book called Going Solo - Genevieve Roberts & also recently listened to an amazing podcast on Happy mum, happy baby with Liv Thorne - I would definitely recommend and maybe if you have any one around you who can’t accept your decision tell them to listen as well.

Wishing you lots of luck and feel free to ask me anything! Xx

[Hidden in reply to CLDxxx]

Thank you for replying and congrats for your happy news! How exciting! I will look up that book but really just hearing such a positive response to my decision is so valuable. So thanks for that. Hope all goes well with you .

[CLDxxx in reply to Hidden]

Ah you’re very welcome. Looking forward to seeing your updates! Xx

[Hidden in reply to CLDxxx]

Hello! Don't want to bug you but I am back for some advice! I had my nurse appt yest and she said I am good to start testing this cycle to go in for iui, as long as my sperm is in the clinic before I start to test. Only problem is....it's not. Due to an admin error, the samples I paid 3 grand for first wk in January are still in London - grr! I've been changing my tail phoning LondonSB, the clinic lab and the clinic admin just to be told they are busy, they'll get to it, I need to wait - no one will even tell me if it's likely they'll be there in time for my ovulation or not, just say they don't know. At this point there is literally nothing else I can do and I know that, but the trouble is... I can't think about anything else either! I am rubbish at work, unable to relax or do basic things whilst this is unresolved. I honestly thought I would be better at keeping perspective than this...if this is how bad I am before treatment, how will I handle the 2ww? Sorry for the long post, my question is just how do you deal with all the anxiety? Just the constant sense of unknowing? Thanks.

[CLDxxx in reply to Hidden]

Hey lovely,

So sorry you have this stress. I really feel for you, just all you need isn’t it?

I completely understand how distracted you are, I was the exact same through the whole process if I’m honest, spent most work days on google 🤦🏻‍♀️ or this forum ☺️

So I would firstly say, if the sperm doesn’t arrive to do your testing anyway. It will be good practice to know roughly when you ovulate & get used to testing before your next cycle. Don’t be disheartened if you need to wait another month, see this as a little practice run. I ended up doing the same so for example when I was asked to come in for a scan to check my follicles on day 7 I always knew it was way too early for me and I’d arrange it for day 9/10.

It is so hard as the longer we wait the more we think and over think too & I ended up complicating things in my head as well.

I think use some meditation apps, the mindful Ivf one is brill & Id definitely use that one in the 2ww too. Maybe distract yourself during the day by going for walks or doing some exercise at home, it should help and of course talk about it as that will calm you.

I’m always here for a chat and hoping you don’t have to wait but it will arrive eventually & then it will be your turn 🤗xxx

[Hidden in reply to CLDxxx]

Thank you! I am doing a bit of cleaning today and that seems to have distracted me a little, I will also try to go for a walk later. It is nice to know I am not the only one! You are right, too much over thinking time plus access to Google can be fatal. Thanks also for your idea to use this time to practice the ovu test, I think that is a good plan and I will give it a go, but I am still a little annoyed at the admin/communication, as this is not the first error - things at the clinic seem to keep going wrong so it's hard to feel we are in good hands! Just need to do all I can to take care of myself but keep chasing them too I think.....thank you for being there.

[Hidden in reply to CLDxxx]

Hello again! As you had such great advice before, I thought I would come back to ask your opinion again! So, at very last minute sperm arrived just in time for me to have my first go of iui last cycle, I went in on 15 Feb. It hasn't worked and I'm trying to plan what to do this time round. As my main issue with getting pregnant is being very single, they are presuming no fertility problems and going with unmedicated iui...I'm not so sure. For a few days right after the procedure i def felt what can only be described as movement- sort of sharp cramps that started on my right side and ended up more central and stronger after a few days. But after day 5-6, right when implantation should have happened, there was nothing. The cramps stopped, no other symptoms, then I got my negative and my period. Now I'm thinking that it was implantation that failed for me Because I'm on a low intervention plan, they never scanned to measure my womb lining so now I'm wondering...do you think it could be too thin to implant? I've def been getting lighter periods over the years so this is a real possibility...and if it.is too thin, is there anything I can do to improve it? Meant to be going back in 10 days ish. Thanks.

[Kyra-J]

I’m on my single mum journey, treatment got cancelled due to covid but I’m finally back on starting treatment. I have a child already not by donor and having her made me realised I want to have another child/ children. If you need any advice or anything I’m happy to give some. Single cycle will be with a donor. Best choice I’ve made by far ❤️

[leah30]

I haven’t, but my best friend did it and now has a 6 month little girl she’s beautiful. If it’s what you want do it . She’s 37 x