Update

[Smp25]

Hi Ladies

Just to give you a bit of an update,

read my other post for a full breakdown on the drama that is my life, turns out I have AT LEAST CIN2, potentially CIN3, I’ll give you the short version:

Sep 2017 – ectopic pregnancy, lost my right fallopian tube, substantial haemorrhage during op due to my ruptured tube. My oxygen levels dropped and it was touch and go for a while whether I would wake up at all

Jan 2018: decided to try and conceive again – proved difficult.

June 2018: Diagnosed with endometriosis

May 18 – informed natural conception is unlikely.

Oct 18 – abnormal smear results, CIN1 diagnosed, repeated smear in 12 months

June

18-July 19 – Tests after tests after tests, home move into the gynae department I was there so much

July 19 – diagnostic laparoscopy/removal of endometriosis, found my womb attached to my ovary

Oct 19 – repeated smear, abnormal results

Dec 19 – referred for IVF.

Jan 2020 – biopsy taken from cervix and sent to lab, discovered ATLEAST CIN2

I went for my Llettz procedure up the hospital on Monday, I know everyone is different, but I found it extremely distressing, worst thing I’d ever been through, she couldn’t find my cervix and my heart rate was so high she decided to abandon the procedure all together.

It was decided that this needs to be done under a general anaesthetic instead.

I’m booked in for a cone biopsy on the 19th of March. IVF must be pushed back by at least a year.

I’m always praised on my integrity but it’s all a bit too much now, I’m so lost.

[Cinderella5]

Im so sorry to hear your long tough story! Its so hard when things have to be put on hold and it sounds like your Lletz was very traumatic for you! Its only natural that you'll be feeling a bit down and lost having been through what you have! No advice or anything but sending hugs. Hopefully your appt on 19th March will go much smoother.xx

[Smp25 in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you lovely, the support here is inspiring xx

[Hidden]

Oh lovely, I have no wise words of advice for you, what a thoroughly awful time you are going through. It must be so difficult physically but mentally even worse. I have only experienced a % of what you have been through and know how hard it was. All I can say is I am glad you have the opportunity to sort your cervix before things progressed, and whilst it must be the most horrible experience I would much rather have you here and waiting for IVF than not here at all. I dont know how old you are but I am 43 next month and going through another cycle so try not to put too much pressure on yourself time wise - just focus on getting yourself sorted so you are in the optimal shape for your BFP

Sending you the hugest hug xx

[Smp25 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your lovely words Daisy, It's been a long 4 years and seems as though my health physically and mentally have taken a bit of a downward spiral.

I've always been mentally strong, I have the 'It is what it is' mentality but I think I've hit my limit a little and I'm in a bit of a dark place, I'll bounce back though.

I'm 28 in April, I know I'm young but when you are so desperate for something being told my the doctors 'not to worry, you're young' doesn't help matters at all.

My Cone biopsy on the 19th will be under a general anaesthetic so I'll just enjoy a nice nap.

Thank you for your support xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Smp25]

I am so sorry, I shouldn't have used the 'you have plenty of time' phrase - its no help. I was laughing with a nurse at my clinic today about the 'I have a friend who had a miscarriage and she got pregnant' line or the 'have you thought about not trying to conceive and then it will probably happen did for us' line... you are right none of them help at all, its little consolation when your world feels like its caving in.

As there has been a lot of press coverage lately its really ok to not be ok and not be the strong one for a change, sounds to me like you need to collapse a bit before you can start getting better. Love your search for positives though and I am with you, I love that feeling of falling asleep as the General Anaesthetic goes in.

Here if you need want to rant xx

[Smp25 in reply to Hidden]

I wasn't having a pop at you over it, sorry it did seem that way! I meant the nurses and doctors feel like those phrases are kind of a comfort when they do the complete opposite.

It's strange, I'm okay but I'm not. In a few days when I'm over the initial shock of needing yet more surgery I'll embrace it.

I laugh with my friends who say they can't wait to tell my kids off when they're being naughty and use the line ' do you know what your mother went through to get you' Lol - it seems like such a far way off though, if at all. We may get refused seeing as they're removing a part of my cervix and I'll be more prone to miscarry.

It's a very lonely feeling I have, not wanting to bother my friends and family with my consistent troubles. My Partner sees right through me though which I suppose is a good thing

Thank you for your kind words, they mean so much at a time like this xxxx

[Nat246]

Sorry to hear all you’ve been through. In case it helps, I’ve had CIN2 treatment too and now having IVF so although it’s a longer route, it’s still an option for you.

After the CIN2 treatment, I had a trial embryo transfer to check the catheter can still easily pass the scar tissue so make sure you request that when the time comes (if they don’t automatically offer it) xx

[AnnieAnnie]

Hi there, it is extremely daunting to be told that you have CIN1, 2 and 3. I felt totally in the dark and was rushed to have my CIN removed with very little explanation of the procedure to remove it. In a way I count myself lucky in that i had an abnormal smear and was told I had CIN 1. Went for a biopsy 2 weeks after I received my results and was told it was CIN 2 and that I would need to have LETTZ to remove it. I had never had an abnormal smear previously or any issues. A further 2 weeks later I was in for my LETTZ and so they did move very quickly and I understand why it was so quick. Turns out I had CIN 3 and they managed to remove it all. In all honesty for me, the biopsy was a lot more painful than the LETTZ. For the LETTZ although I had 4 injections in my cervix, I think I was lucky that I didn't feel a thing (still not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing, not being able to feel injections in my cervix). Prior to my LETTZ procedure (legs up in stirrups and consultant poised and ready to go) I did pull out an A4 list of questions as I was rushed through everything so quickly that no one asked me did I have any questions or understand what was happening to me and I needed answers before any thing burny and hot was put near me. 6 months after the procedure I got the all clear that all abnormal cells had been got and even the HPV I had, had gone and since have had normal smears still with no sign of HPV. The thing is, I had built it up as I didnt know what was happening and thought it would be painful and it turned out the opposite for me. I understand we are all different though and probably not being able to find your cervix hasn't helped. Hopefully with the general it will make you feel at ease and they can get to your cervix easier to get that nasty CIN 3 out and get you on the path to IVF. I enjoy a general and the decent sleep I have with it. Some woman find if a lot is removed from the cervix that they require a stitch in to be able to hold a pregnancy and this is what I was told at the time of my procedure. I have asked many times whether I require this just to make sure, but every time they say it's fine. Maybe something for you to ask? Good luck with your procedure xx

[Smp25 in reply to AnnieAnnie]

Hi Annie!

Thank you so much for your comforting words, I feel like I've been pulling my hair out over this diagnosis and constantly assuming the worst, so to hear your story brings me so much hope. The advice, and support that the women on this site has shown is overwhelming and really helps when you're in such a dark place.

As I'm so young (28) my doctor gave me the option to wait 6 months to see if the CIN goes away by itself but advised me to have the procedure to help my IVF case, I didn't care what she had to do, just get it done, remove the bad cells and make me better. I opted to have the Llettz procedure with a local anaesthetic, she poked, prodded, pushed around down there and it was so uncomfortable and so distressing, it was honestly the worst thing I've ever been through, I sat there in floods of tears thinking oh my god, she hasn't even done anything yet and I'm already in this state, couldn't find my cervix and I just broke my heart, she abandoned it and said for me to have it done under general.

I just feel a bit defeated at the moment, like I'm constantly having set backs but I'll bounce back, It won't beat me. I'll enjoy a nice nap now on the 19th, I quite enjoy the feeling of falling asleep under a GA, although I don't like the IV line in my hand, that bloody hurts too!

I'm worried that in 6 months time I'll have an abnormal smear and have to go through this all again but that's just my mind running away with me, especially after hearing your story, it's given me hope.

Thank you, sending so much hugs xxxx

[AnnieAnnie]

It is a set back but believe me, it makes you stronger and you can get through this. I was 26 when I went through mine and the thought of it all was so much worse. When they go to do the cannula, don't look at any of the equipment, close your eyes and breath through it and if needs be, talk to someone about their day. I hate someone else giving me needles (give me an IVF injection to do on myself any day). The best thing to do is to make sure in the lead up to your procedure that you try and make things easy for yourself and to stay calm (I know easier said than done). I've gotten good at getting my mind into a state where I am really quite chilled before procedures. I prepare my bag, allow enough time to travel and just make sure every thing will run as smooth as possible. After your procedure you will be told not to use tampons and I was told up until 6 months after to only use sanitary towels and I think this helped as well as obviously having the LLETZ to get rid the HPV. Unfortunately for most of us, IVF is the hardest of struggles and from my own experience there have been many obstacles, set backs, highs and many many lows. I'm not done yet though. I truly hope for you that you can get sorted as quick as possible so that you can commence your IVF journey as quick as possible and that it all goes the best it can. You've got this. Hugs back at you xx

[Smp25 in reply to AnnieAnnie]

Thank you so much!!! I've had 3 operations in 3 years so you'd think I'd be used to the IV line by now.

The first time it was put in my arm which is fine, I just don't look, the second time he asked for my hand and I wasn't expecting it to hurt as much as it did, it's a small thing when you think about it, compared to the grand scheme of things I'm going through.

I've been in and out of hospitals over the last few years, admitted back into hospital after my op last year with a nasty infection and potential sepsis, luckily this time they're not opening me up so post op infection is unlikely.

I feel like I'm strong enough to get through anything and I've got so much more to come, so I have to remain strong it's just difficult sometimes when it all seems to be going down hill.

I wish you all the luck in the world for your IVF journey, please keep me updated I'd love to know how you get on xxxx