I can't calm myself this morning. I've convinced myself I don't feel pregnant anymore. I have a complicated history of pregnancy loss and have never carried past the second trimester. We got to miss second trimester before. I still can't bear to even think about that loss. I tried to go to counselling this week to discuss it for the first time and found myself talking nonsense instead pretending everything was fine. I was meant to go to a support group last night too and found a million reasons not to.
I have been bleeding on and off for a while now. I have a lot of pain thanks to endo and adeno and adhesions making this pregnancy very difficult. I had a very very bad weekend just gone where I couldn't walk or stand up with pain. I also was finding very dark brown almost black stains that got heavier as the weekend went on. It would just fill half to 2/3 of a panty liner but never seemed wet if that makes sense. I went to the doctors and they said it was normal for me.
The early pregnancy team are keeping me a bit later in this pregnancy. I rang them first thing Monday and they asked me to come for a scan. The nurse said don't panic but it's not usual but not unheard of to have such dark staining or discharge or even bleeding at this stage. I have the scan tomorrow. I can't settle. I am beside myself. Trying my best to calm down and be positive but when you've lost so much before and convinced you'd never have the miracle I can't seem to believe my baby will make it.
Has anyone had a difficult pregnancy and things been OK? Any issues with this dark discharge and bad pain? I don't know why I am posting really. 😢
Aw lovely I’m so sorry to hear your going through this. I never experienced the things you are going through but please feel free to message me just for a bit of support. What times your scan tomorrow? Is there anything at all you can do to distract yourself a bit? Have a gentle walk? That fear of loss is just the worst . Massive hug to you xxxx
Hi, thanks so much. I've come to work which is helping. Distraction will work until tomorrow afternoon I think. Thank you for your kind words
Oh Hun, I just want to give you such a big hug. I had missed miscarriages in the first trimester before getting pregnant with my little boy. I've not had the dark discharge but had a lot of Endometriosis related pain in my successful pregnancy. I was worried sick as kept getting told pregnancy was meant to stop the pain from Endometriosis. I wish I had advice for you but just wanted to wish you all the best. Anxiety pretty much made me hate my pregnancy & it's such a shame. There are many of us out there Hun who do get a happy ending. Sending you lots of love. xxxx
Hi, really sorry that you’re going through this and for your past losses. If you’re really worried perhaps visit your local EPU who may be able to see you today. I really hope it’s nothing to worry about...x
You’re welcome. I just suggest visiting as there’s often a walk in clinic but you would have to wait to be seen. Each time I’ve had concerns and visited my EPU I’ve been seen and scanned on the same day whilst in my first trimester.
Oh wow how helpful that would be. But unfortunately not available in my hospital. You have to call or book appointments. They are very great and kind and caring but very understaffed and no walk in appointments. I can access a surgical decision ward in case of emergency but again would have to wait to be seen. They are ridiculously short staffed at ultrasound. Ive been under them for the last two pregnancies and never been able to get seen same day
You’re welcome. I just suggest visiting as there’s often a walk in clinic but you would have to wait to be seen. Each time I’ve had concerns and visited my EPU I’ve been seen and scanned on the same day whilst in my first trimester even without an appointment. Obviously having an appointment is the preferred option but you can only know how serious an issue might be if you get checked. Them giving you an appointment tomorrow having called on Monday is quite a delay especially given your history and symptoms. x
As you may know I had a misscarrige at 13 week congratulations on getting this far I too would be feeling the same way as you if I got up to the same weeks as my lost baby I’d be crapping myself lol.it’s good your getting support from early pregnancy and others as tbh they were useless to me lol Try to relax as you don’t want any stress on the baby bubble baths and so forth I know how anxious you may be I can actually feel it in your post .xx
Hi there, thanks so much. I'm not actually anxious anymore. I was because of the bleeding but thankfully feeling much more able to cope now. Work keeps me busy as I'm in 8 to 6 most days. Back to some light exercise and cooking in evening so just trying to keep busy but in a gentle way. My work have been very supportive and made adjustments for me so it's very comfortable day to day thankfully. I'd probably lose my mind if I had to sit at home all day and worry and think and feet about every ache and pain which are plentiful. Before my last surgery my anxiety was insane and it is because I took a few weeks off work and was just non stop worried and freaking out so I promised myself I wouldn't do that again. So work is sort of like my bubble bath as I genuinely love and adore my career and where it is at currently. I'm so sorry for your loss. A loss at 13 weeks is so difficult. It changes you forever really I think. I wish you all the best on your journey and hope if you want a rainbow baby that this comes for you. I stopped believing and now finally allowing myself to believe in happy endings at long lost. I hope yours is coming soon in whatever form that may be
Sensitive. Previous loss mentioned.
Hi all, thanks so much for the support. Had my scan and all was more than well. Still unexplained bleeding and cramping but they don't see anything obvious to explain it. They think perhaps it's to do with the multiple surgeries for endo obviously but also the fact I had so much treatment a good many years ago for CIN 3 and precanerous cells in the cervix. I had a lletz procedure, dozens of laser treatments and countless coloposcopies over 1.5 years so they said maybe it's weakened the cervix. They said I might always bleed. I am being seen every 2 weeks by consultant and every 4 for scans. Obviously deemed as high risk not because of endo as apparently even having stage 4 doesn't mean you are high risk but because of unexplained recurrent loss and second trimester loss for which I refused them to investigate at the time as I just wanted my daughter to rest in peace. I don't talk about her much because I still find it very painful to discuss on sites like this or with anyone outside of my family but I'm starting to realise its important to be realistic. I will never get over losing her and my other angels who didn't make it to earth but I am trying to stop forcing milestones on myself now because I swore at 12 weeks I'd be OK. Then changed to 16. Then because of my daughter I think, 20 or 24 etc. So I will just take each day as it comes and try to enjoy this miracle in my belly. Thanks for all the support. Its much appreciated.
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