Egg transfer this morning consisting of every emotion possible.

[bms12]

So, I went for my second egg transfer today. The emotions swirling in my head are unreal! I am happy, excited, hopeful but I also feel guilty and petrified and sad. On the 14th I should have been sat with my little boy staring at this little miracle I have been blessed with. However he was born sleeping in August due to contracting an infection. I feel guilty for trying again ( I know I shouldn't) I feel petrified because I dont know if I can cope with the long hospital stays, blood loss and transfusions and relying on my husband to carry me up the stairs due to the extreme anaemia and heaven forbid - losing another child. In trying to stay positive and just go with the flow but It feels as though the happiness of pregnancy has now been ripped away and whatever the outcome it will bring about negative emotions which isnt fair on my little embie.

Anyway, now I'm done with the soppy ****, when was your earliest positives after a 5 day FET? Already dying to test 😂😂

[Solly-44]

Oh love, I’m so sorry for your loss and I think it’s completely natural for you to be having a million mixed up thoughts right now.

Try hard to push the guilt aside. You’re not trying to replace your lost baby, this is a new chance and a separate situation. What happened before will not define your current situation. I really hope this is the one for you! It will be hard but you can do this.

And step away from the tests! 😝😂 Good luck xx

[bms12 in reply to Solly-44]

I'm your typical POAS addict 😂 I got a strong positive the first time I tested with my son which I think was either 4 or 5dpt 😂 I'll stick it out as long as I can Haha. I don't feel guilty in like I'm replacing him, more like I'm carrying on and he isnt? If that makes sense. I know rationally I shouldn't feel guilty, just as I know there is no point being anxious but they're just those pesky emotions that always get in the way 😂

[AuroraXen in reply to bms12]

Ah so sorry bms12, I didn't realise you'd been through such a heartbreaking event 😢 Must have been a strange day for you then - bittersweet 💞 bless you xx

[bms12 in reply to AuroraXen]

Thanks sweets. Yeah it was pretty traumatic. I'm just praying in my next pregnancy there will not be a drop of blood because i dont think I can talk deal with it 😂 after just haemorraging constantly for 7 weeks needing muntilble blood transfusions and spending most of it in hospital I have had enough and me body better get its flipping act together! 😂🙈

[Solly-44 in reply to bms12]

It makes perfect sense. And hah, so true but I’m guilty of the anxiety overload! Xx

[bms12 in reply to Solly-44]

It's a pain isnt it Haha xx

[Missy_22]

Your post made me so sad. So natural to feel guilty. You will never forget your little angel and I’m sure it’s him that’s given you strength to carry on and try again.

Yes it’s painful and scary but you can do this.

I wish you all the best for your cycle and hopefully your get your rainbow.

I have two babies born sleeping and now I’m blessed with triplets my miracle triplets.

Good luck to you xxxx

[bms12 in reply to Missy_22]

That's lovely but heartbreaking that you had to lose 2 of your precious babies. I had a misscarraige in 2018 and then lost my son 2019, I'm hoping 2020 turns out to be a good year. Congratulations on your triplets! Bet you're exhausted 😂

[Missy_22 in reply to bms12]

It’s hard work and I’m exhausted but I’m so happy. Wishing you all the best. It will happen for you xx stay strong

[Babyjoshua]

Best of luck on your journey into parenthood

[Cinderella5]

Awww so lovely to see you back!! Wishing you so much luck! I think mine was 7dp5dt although I think I would have seen a positive on day 6 with FRER.xx

[bms12 in reply to Cinderella5]

Hi lovely! How are you doing? I needed a break from all the tests and pregnancy and loss etc etc, but yeah I'm back now! I've read through your recent posts and I do wish you'd have some luck as well!! Fingers crossed for your 8th transfer now you've had this other test done xx

[Cinderella5 in reply to bms12]

Completely understand you needing to escape for a while...you've been to hell and back!!

Thank you, just need to get some embryos and we can go from there!!🤞🏻xx

[bms12 in reply to Cinderella5]

Fingers crossed it's good news this year for you! You definitely deserve it xx

[Winter_Girl]

Hi. I just wanted to wish you so much luck and also to say how sorry I am to hear about your loss. I recognise you from this forum when I was an active member under a different username. I deleted my old account about 7/8 months ago and rejoined recently, so I was extremely sad to read your devastating news. I hope 2020 is a much better year for you and your husband xx

[bms12 in reply to Winter_Girl]

Thanks lovely, yeah I've been a member here for 5.5 years and counting Haha. I'm an "oldie" 😂