So I’m normally so “good” I mean in terms of living healthy lifestyle, trying to be active daily, eat a diet that’s pretty stellar these days, take my supplements etc.
But with the recent cancelled cycle I’ve literally just eaten a whole bar of chocolate and completed vegged out sitting around in a grump all evening post work being super sedentary - and now feel so guilty. I know I’d have felt better to get back and do some exercise and eat healthy. Plus any time I’m like this I worry I’m affecting egg quality. And I know also the guilt irrational and I’m only human. It doesn’t help it’s my birthday later this week in terms of my mood about it all.
Anyone else get these crazy thoughts and worries? Any tips for keeping in check? Or just to help me feel less alone with my crazy 😂
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Endofitall
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Enjoy the chocolate, ride the grump…and get back to the gym and salad tomorrow! One evening will not harm anything and you’re entitled to sit in your emotions from time to time. You’re dealing with a lot and how you feel is absolutely ok.
Sometimes what your body (and mind) needs is a complete rest and if that’s sitting on the sofa after work and not moving, so be it. It will do you the world of good to listen to what your body is telling you.
I’ve had every form of emotion along the grief cycle. We are only human, dealing with the injustice of it all. Keep going, and look after yourself along the way.
Oh, I completely get this. Honestly, I’ve had those days where I feel guilty for not exercising or eating perfectly. But you know what? It’s okay. You’re human, and some days (or even a few in a row) just don’t go to plan, and that’s completely normal.
You’re already doing so much to take care of yourself, and one, two, or even three “off” days aren’t going to undo all the good habits you’ve built. Sometimes your body and mind just need a break, and that’s okay. And with your birthday coming up, it’s totally understandable to feel a mix of emotions. Be kind to yourself this week, you deserve it, especially with everything you’ve been through. Sending positivity and strength. xxx
ah thank you! I really need to listen to this advice more you’re right that a few days or even more don’t undo the hard work and usual good habits. Thanks xx
honestly .. after 3 failed IUI’s when I was so strict, cutting out coffee and everything I was so down in the dumps after my egg retrieval and slipped on all my ‘good’ habits … I had my frozen transfer and was still in such a negative mindset that I really wasn’t my healthiest self, I ate sooo much chocolate - and that was the embryo that stuck and I’m now 11 weeks pregnant. Be healthy and do what makes you feel good but also don’t feel guilty about the occasional nice treat. Looking back I kind of reaslised the embryo is either going to stick .. or it’s not … drinking the pomegranate juice ect is good to do to help our mindset going into it. But it’s not the reason a transfer will work or won’t work. Try and just do things that make you happy as it’s the biggest rollercoaster
I am so sorry to read you have had a recent cancelled cycle Endofitall 💔 you really need to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to go through the process of this grief. You will pick yourself up again and continue with your healthy lifestyle soon enough. But for now, this week calls for you to have a wee break from it all and eat the chocolate! Sending you a big hug and I hope you do something nice for your birthday this week xxx
100% yes. All the time, about all the things -caffeine, alcohol, sugar, exercising too much/not enough, socialising, travelling... The list goes on!
But here's what I think: I think we've been so conditioned by society to think that being a 'good girl' is what you need to do to earn something/avoid something bad happening. This clashes together with all the health advice around pregnancy and fertility, and we end up with this sort of magical belief that we can 'behave' our way out of infertility.
It's wild we think this when we would, to the same degree, over any other health condition. And it's continually 'back-up' by fertility treatment (do you drink? smoke? drugs? healthy eating for stims and after transfer). I have seen so many, many doctors and no one has ever volunteered 'something is unwell/wrong with your fertility, and we don't know what it is yet, we don't have the research, these treatments might help, but they might not'.
We're not told we're unwell, like we might be if we had appendicitis or a broken leg. Instead, we're just told 'all these things might help, if you don't do them', so then it becomes 'if I don't do them, I'll be a good girl, and get a baby, because the issue is not that something is fundamentally wrong but that ate a bar of Galaxy'... We demonise all those things that 'good girls' don't do: rest, seek satisfaction, 'indulge' and put all the blame of outcomes there rather than being told and able to accept that we are unwell.
I don't think there is anyone of earth with a healthier diet than a woman going through fertility treatment, of any kind. Neither do I think that any of our 'issue's are cause by diet or lifestyle, nor can they be 'cured' by diet of lifestyle (sure, it can help, but marginal frickin' gains).
I don't think there's much we can do to entirely reprogramme ourselves from everything we've ingested from society over the last 2, 3, 4, 5+ decades. but I think being a bit conscious of where some of this comes from can help a bit.
I truly do not believe you harmed a single egg by eating chocolate and vegging out. Maybe you just saved some of your mental health. I also don't believe your fertility would be impacted or improved if you'd gone for a run (or whatever) instead of doing those things.
I do think our mental health would be better if we were our own critical friend and gave ourselves a hard time about our society/medical/life experience-damaged thinking, rather than allowing ourselves to rest and eat something that satisfies us.
No harm comes from 'normal' living, and gains from abstinence are minimal at best, the damage to our overall wellbeing by the cycles of denial, guilt and punishment are much more so.
I’m going to save this to re read regularly. Thank you so much for writing this. It’s such great advice and insight. You’re 100% right. Also this bit “ issue is not that something is fundamentally wrong but that ate a bar of Galaxy'... ” made me LOL. I think even some of the people who should be helpful (like acupuncturist) sometimes focus too much on those things like diet and exercise, supplements etc. it used to annoy me so much when one of my holistic therapists used to say she knew someone who’d been cured of her endo from a certain diet - well good for her but that doesn’t mean I’m not doing loads to help but likely just have more severe endo that I’ve needed the surgery. But all of it is psychological torture that means having any sugar I’m like that’s it I’ve ruined everything. Even if it was bloody good quality organic dark chocolate too 😂. It is all so blamey. Thanks so much again xx
We’re all human after all. If your body craves sugar or fried food one day, it’s not the end of the world. As a few doctors have told me, listen to your body. If you need an off day, you need one. Put the guilt aside. Just be good to yourself. Sending hugs your way xx
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