Anyone else feel they are becoming cold hearted?

[Kathryn1984]

Hello,

I’ve not been on for a while. A brief history of where we are: 3/4 ish years ttc(I've decided to stop counting) Miscarriage at 10 weeks in April 2018. My fiancé has poor morphology, he has been asked to do another test by nhs gynaecologist when we saw her in November this year. We will most likely have one funded ivf next year. We will both be 36.

It’s already felt like a long road to us at this point. We are both moving towards acceptance of childlessness. What this has meant for us is moving the focus of our lives away from being parents, and trying to enrich our lives. By no means are we out of the game, but for our own sanity, we have had to put a stop to hoping. There’s a small tiny area of my heart that quietly hopes that we will fall naturally like we did that one time. But where I am now, our lives are too short to spend the next 5-10 years agonising about getting pregnant. We simply cannot take the emotions of it anymore.

We are going into this ivf round with complete realism, and not much hope, because we know the chances are slim. And that’s fine. Because it isn’t all that we are as people. Since we have removed the focus of our lives from getting pregnant, our mental health and relationship has got much better. We are both far happier. I’m concentrating on my job and health. And he is happy planning holidays, weekends away and nice meals. I used to think that I would never give up, and would exhaust every option, and I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of being childless. But now we have faced the reality and had that conversation, it feels like we can move on with our lives.

The only thing I’m finding now though, is I’ve become very hard and tough. And I’m scared I’m becoming a little bit cold hearted. I’m proud that I have become stronger, but I don’t want to become cold. Don’t get me wrong, I still have tears for my baby. And I still feels those awful pangs of jealousy. But I’m scared I’m becoming too cold and hard-faced. Does anyone else feel like this?

[MissSaoPaulo]

I'm sorry for your loss hon. I think the very fact that you're concerned about becoming cold hearted says a great deal to indicate that you're not. It's hard to find a balance sometimes between staying hopeful and your own peace of mind with the situation you find yourself in, but it seems like you have managed it at least to some extent, so well done both of you on staying sane and maintaining a healthy relationship. I hope you get your rainbow baby some day soon xxx

[ttcemmie]

It sounds like you are making the sensible decision to protect your mental health and your sanity. This is an incredibly tough road and you have to do what's best for you. You don't sound cold to me.

[Yazlinda]

Hi you don't sound cold to me. Just human, a woman who has been through a tough journey. Don't be hard on yourself. Wishing you all the best. 😊X

[AliceMoonpie]

*hug* you don't sound cold hearted to me either x

[Itsalongjourney26]

I don't think you sound cold hearted, I think you are incredibly brave ❤️ sending you lots of love xx