Does anyone else feel like mentally they are going a bit crazy?

[Boo718]

I’ve been on this journey for such a long time. I’ve just lost all motivation for everything in life and become so lazy. I’ve been to see a councillor and once you get it all out you feel fab but then a month or so later reality sinks in and your back questioning whether it’s time to just give up on ivf and try and move on with your life. But then if I do that, what do I do with my life? I’ve always wanted to be a mum and can’t quite work out what else I would actually do. Then the fear sinks in my husband is a wee bit older than me and I’ve had visions of just sitting in our house a lonely old Lady who can’t even have a cat coz I’m allergic to them 😂

I’m not sure if this is normal but it’s like my mind has suddenly gone holy shit this might not actually work… then what… when do you give up? What do u do next? Is it fate trying to tell me your on the wrong path. I have no idea but I swear my brain is a fog of 🤷‍♀️🤨😞😫😖

Feeling like she’s going a tad nuts 😂

[LoveToGive]

It’s normal to go through all these emotions, it’s all a lot to handle and you must remember how strong and amazing you are. Infertility isn’t for the weak by any means. Give yourself grace and take it day by day. Well done on loosing weight and getting healthy ! That’s wonderful and takes a lot to do. We are hear to support you !

[Infragilis]

Hey, I understand you totally. We are about to start our 7th cycle. On my last cycle while I was at the clinic I was saying to myself am I crazy to keep trying as it doesn't seem to be working. But here we are again going to try. I'm reaching a stage where I too think this might not work but I don't want that to be reality so for now we are going to try again although it is becoming very very frustrating. I have realised I have become very short tempered and I am sure it is down to the situation.

I am hoping if it keeps not working that we will naturally come to the decision to stop but until I feel that way I think we will keep trying. Or until the doctors say there is really no hope.

[Lacryacky]

Hey, yes I so changed lately, wonder sometimes what’s wrong with me. I so want to be a mum, we, to have a family, being on this ivf road since a year now, but what a year, 2 unsuccessful cycles, one major surgery. I lost somehow the motivation to do things, even to see friends, family.

[Givemesunshine1]

Omg did I write this? I feel like you’ve spoken everything I’m feeling too. I feel lazy, a rubbish wife. I have a spurt of cleaning & being proactive then when I stop I realise the house is silent from no kids.

Life is boring, nothing really happening. We’re living a retired life really. (Although we do work full time)

Don’t feel alone, just hang on to that hope that we could have that sparkle of joy & business about lives one day.

[Uffculmedolly in reply to Givemesunshine1]

It’s like you’ve read my mind and written down how I feel! After 8 years of TTC and a battle to reduce my BMI, I’ve lost all hope and motivation for anything in life 😞

[hoping2021]

Hey, I like your post. I think everything you describe is very normal.

I wish there were more books, films, influencers who were women without children that talk about living a full and happy life.

I like you have found it hard and sad imagining my life without children but I feel if there were better images/ stories in the media and from society it would certainly help.

[ebonyebene]

Firstly I'm sorry you're allergic to cats as they're adorable and this is one one being spinsters can rely on however they're far too independent. A dog will be needy enough for constant showers of affection!Secondly your thoughts are total normal, I think after years of trying, getting older, society and the medical profession telling you your older and using this as the reason for not getting pregnant (certainly in my case) makes you feel you're against the odds. You then suddenly have a very real realisation that this, despite how much money you throw at it, how many supplements your take, accupunture etc, that this may never actually happen. Statistically speaking it doesn't work more than it does and that's the harsh reality of it.

You begin to analyse what your life will be like without children or children who aren't genetically related to you. Sure you can be the fabulously dressed aunt who buys the best gifts and travels all over the world but deep down we know we'd rather look like shit with a bouncing baby in our lap. I'm not saying women who make a conscious decision not to have children and travel the world secretly what them as choosing not to have children is a personal choice and none of anyone's business!

I've been through three rounds and one cancelled round, each round has yielded better results and I'm far from giving up and I'll fight anyone who tells me I should. However, I don't know under what circumstances I would choose to stop. If I run out of money or im emotionally drained.

Noone can tell you when to give up, only you know when you should. I know one lady who decided to stop trying after her second round failed. Also, I wouldn't call it giving up because you haven't, you've made a decision based on what's happened to save your sanity, that's not giving up by any means.

Remember you're going through all of this whilst trying to be a daughter, partner, friend etc and appear like everything's okay. You've got this and if you feel you don't reach out to someone. The infertility community has your back xx

[Givemesunshine1]

Very well said ebonyebene , Each time we spend out a lot of money (like £1300 for blood tests today) I think ‘if this gives us a healthy baby I don’t care about the money’ but I dread if it doesn’t work for us. It’s scary thoughts.