Hard time

[Judy18]

So i am struggling a bit at the moment. I had been doing really well but a falling out with a friend has left me feeling really down. I am worried as I don’t want the to affect my treatment which should be starting soon.

She has been going through a really difficult time herself but has a tendency to use me as an emotional punch bag. I recently called her on it (after her being nasty for a year) after trying to have some space to deal with everything and it did not go well. I said we should try to move past it but she was withdrawn and still snapping. I sent her a message saying that things were still weird between us and we needed some space to deal with our own situations and all i got was a nasty response were once again i was at fault. I haven’t responded.

I feel bad that I couldn’t be there for her more (i was texting and calling) but her nastiness and negativity was leaving me in tears all of the time and my family were worried as i was being dragged down.

Has anyone else felt bad about putting their treatment and happiness first? I usually try to put everyone else first but my husband and i are desperate for a baby and I don’t want anything to jeopardise that. Am i being selfish? Xxx

[Koryu]

I am trying to learn this lesson too, I don't think putting your needs above someone else's wants is selfish.

Well done for having boundaries. You have much more love to give when you feel well and keeping yourself emotionally safe is part of that. I am sorry it is so difficult with your friend. I hope she gets it, but make sure you talk to those friends and family you can trust and that make you feel supported right now.

I know you say your friend is having a hard time, and sometimes we lash out, but apart from letting her know that you are there when she is ready to not bite the hand stretched towards her I don't think there is much you can do. Never easy. But you have to put your health first.

Rule of 1st aid: Am I safe to move in without becoming a casualty myself? It won't help anyone if you get hurt and then you are both too unwell to pull each other up.

Be well, keep well.

[Judy18 in reply to Koryu]

Thank you so much for your kind words. And a brilliant point in relation to first aid!

We have been friends for a long time but have been drifting lately. It is sad as i think we have run our course but nice to hear that i am doing the right thing

I have some fab friends and family and this forum is such a great support.

I hope things are going well for you also. Thank you again. Massive hugs xxx

[PrayingforJKM]

Wow I’m so sorry to hear about your falling out with your friend, but sometimes God have to remove people and things as they hinder your growth (sometimes unknowingly). I remember when my best friend for over 2 decades and I fell out for good I was absolutely devastated, because I felt as if it was something we could get thought and she didn’t quite see if that way. So ultimately we never spoke again and I was trying to cope with that because she was something that was a constant in my life. HOWEVER, if it was not for God removing her out of my life I would have never meet or married my husband. I can say this with confidence as her and I where inseparable (talked on the phone at least 16 a day). When I met my husband I was totally lonely and my attention was undivided.

So I say that to say this...

It hurts trust me I know, but God is working on something. Cheer up and look forward to better days!

[Judy18 in reply to PrayingforJKM]

Thank you so much for your kind words. They really helped. I also think this is the end of the line for us. Sorry you had to go through this also but pleased you met your husband. It does hurt, like you say, but i am definitely going to look forward to those better days.

God bless and thank you again xxx

[sadievalentie]

Hi Judy! How are you? I hope you are feeling better. You need to stay away from any kind of negative vibe right now. No, it's not selfish to put yourself before others. As you said, you always put others before you, so it's not selfish at all. You need to stop talking to her for some time, I am sorry that she's going through a rough time. But you only need to be around people who are going to support you. You need to surround yourself with positive energy only. I hope you understand what i am talking about. Everything will be fine. Just focus on yourself for now. Good luck. Stay blessed. Bye!

[Alyssa123]

Hi Judy! I hope you are doing well. You really need to focus on yourself for now. Nothing else matters. If your friend can't understand that, then she's not a true friend. At this time, you need to be mentally strong to get through this. In this journey, it's important for you to be mentally and physically fit. So whatever is affecting your health in a bad way, remove that from your life for now. If you will be strong, things will be easier for you. I hope this helps. Stay blessed. Take care of yourself. Good luck. Bye!

[LorrieWalden]

Hi Judy! How are you? I am really sorry for what you are going through. It's a hard thing to deal with when your friend is going through a rough time. But thinking about yourself in this journey is not selfish. It's something you have to do to make it work. You need to focus on yourself only. If that friend can't understand that, then just leave her. And you are not selfish for putting yourself before others just for once. I will pray that things get easier for you. Best of luck. Take good care of yourself. My blessings are with you. Goodbye!

[Judy18 in reply to LorrieWalden]

Hi Lorrie. Thank you for your support. Haven’t spoken to the friend for about 6 weeks and feel better for it as not having to tiptoe round someone all of the time. We work in the same building and have mutual friends and i know she has been crying to them about our falling out. I am ignoring it and not saying anything. I am just focusing on treatment and moving forward. Thanks again for getting in touch. I hope all of your treatment is going well xx