Back in March, I found out that I had azoospermia and that I was not going to be able to impregnant my wife via "traditional" methods.
Due to Covid shutting down NHS urology and fertility clinics, we have been stuck at this stage of me being diagnosed but unable to see anyone about the reason for my azoospermia, let alone a treatment. We are helpless.
My wife has mild PCOS, but has been told that the effects of this on pregnancy is low.
With fertility being such a ticking timebomb in terms of age, where every day goes against, should I consider breaking up with my wife to give her a chance to be the amazing mother I know she will be?
I want nothing more than to be a dad, it was the only thing I ever thought I would be good at and I can't even do the first step.
We are both in our late 20s so time is of the essence. Am I a bad person for deep down hoping I get to stay with her forever, even when my medical condition is the reason we are growing apart.
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Djko
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Hi Djko. So sorry that you have com up against this diagnosis. The clinics are now reopening, so do keep an eye on the HFEA website hfea.gov.uk for further updates. Sorry too to hear that you think that time is running out, when you are both still in your 20's. There is always the opportunity of counselling which should be available at your clinic/hospital once you receive your referral, or through your GP. A charity called the “British Infertility Counselling Association” can also be accessed at bica.net this is not a free service, but they are all specially qualified in counselling people with fertility issues and their relationships while going through investigations/treatment. Perhaps give it a go and see if you can find that support you need just now. Diane
Thank you for the response. We did contact counsellors and had a discussion, they came to the conclusion that we didn't meet the criteria for assistance and advise to look into private counselling. However the problem there is we would just be eating into money we may have to use for IVF/other treatments in the future.
Bless you. I think you need to speak to your wife about your fears and worries. I know in my vows we said “In sickness and in health”, and we personally believed that this included infertility battles. As a woman I know I only want children with my husband, and if we couldn’t have them together then so be it, and we would work through the pain and difficulty of that together. ICSI with surgical removal of sperm is common - I don’t know if this is an option for you both? It sounds like you both have a lot to process and get your heads around and lockdown hasn’t made it any easier with beginning to find answers. We had some minor sperm issues on our side so had ICSI as a fertility treatment.
I think you need to also come to terms with this diagnosis personally as well as as a couple because I’m sure it is a difficult time for you as much as it is your wife - your reaction is very normal. But I’m sure your wife wouldn’t agree with what you have suggested in terms of having children with someone else and loves you regardless. There are lots of options for you both as a couple.
I wish you all the best - it is rare for men to reach out and open up on these forums but refreshing to see.
Don’t be afraid to message/post - this forum has always been nothing but supportive.
Thank you for the reply. We have no idea if ICSI is an option for us, the lockdown was so badly timed! Essentially we know I have no sperm in my semen but we don't know why.
We managed to squeeze in a blood test which showed normal hormone levels for me back in March. That was the last update we had
I’m sorry you have had this news and are now in limbo due to Covid. My husband and I received this news 2 years ago and it was devastating.
Firstly though, late twenties is very very young! You will notice that most people on this forum are much older than that, so the best news here is that you both have time on your side.
Secondly, when you were diagnosed with Azoospermia did they find the cause? Many many couples on here are still able to have children despite this diagnosis. It is not the worst diagnosis to get in terms of infertility, although I appreciate to you right now it will feel like the worst news ever. But if you have a search on here and a general google you will see that if you are producing sperm it can be extracted by several methods from the testicles and used in IVF.
Infertility is such a test on a couple. Lord knows how many times it has brought my husband and I to tears. But I do love him and I know he would be the best father in the world and so I am more than happy to fight this battle with him. I am sure your wife feels the same. Of course there have been times when we felt like our marriage was on the brink and we both said things in anger we shouldn’t have but all in all we know we want to be together and have a family together, whatever form that might take.
The first few months are the hardest, it takes a while for you both to accept the news. But please don’t despair. All clinics will be up and running soon and when you both have a plan of action to move IVF forward you will both feel miles better.
Thank you for the response. I'm sorry to hear you and your husband went through similar.
The only thing post azoospermia being diagnosed was a blood test which showed normal hormone levels for me. We've been in the same spot since then. So essentially we don't know the cause, I think if we knew that it would make the waiting a little bit easier!
Normal hormone levels is a really good sign! It could mean you just have a blockage or a varicocele. Azoospermia is split into 2 categories, obstructive and non obstructive. I think you should also have a chromosome test to check if you are a cf carrier. I would strongly recommend you see a specialist urologist, one of the best in the country is Dr Ramsay. I would also look on Dr Turek’s website, he is based in the US but his website is full of information on Azoospermia and you will find loads of info there, he is a pioneer in the field of male factor infertility and he does a free blog where he answers your questions without charge.
If there is a blockage you have obstructive Azoospermia and that can be usually fixed and then you can try for a baby without ivf.
If you have non obstructive they will probably do more tests like the chromosome one and others to try and determine the cause. The worst case scenario is when hormone levels are bad, that is what my husband had and that’s when they give you the lowest percentage of finding any sperm. However as your hormone levels are good, that is a really positive sign!
My husband and I married when I was 37 and found out he has a very very low sperm count when I was 38 - I've always wanted so much to be a mum, but as I've told him so many times, I wouldn't have done anything differently if I'd known that he had this problem. I chose him and I want to be with him. I'm sure your wife feels the same.
As everyone here has said, when things do start up again there are various options available for you, and in your late 20s you are NOT running out of time. I know many women in their early 40s who have successfully had babies.
Hi Djko, Sorry to hear that mate. I went through the exact feeling that you are thinking however there is an alternative that I was advised. I think one of the other comments suggested whether more investigations have been carried out to find out if its obstructive or non obstructive? That would be your first point of call. In my case it was non obstructive. The solution was surgical sperm retrieval or Micro TESE. Unfortunately this is not available under NHS, under any CCG or area. Very sexist in my honest opinion! But hey ho! It costs around £5000, which you can do on instalments quite easily. Before the op, the surgeon recommended this supplement called Proxeed Plus which can help improve your chances. In my case my consultant gave me a success chance of 50-60%, which was more than enough for me to take. I had to pay for this supplement myself (but you can sometimes get a discount code of 10% from a fertility centre once you've signed up with them). I took this supplement for 4.5 months before, had orange juice and vitamin C tablets daily and regularly respectively and religiously. Thankfully my surgery (painful but worth it) was successful and the consultant was able to get good quality sample. I believe the supplement and Vit C both helped as I did a lot of research in what natural ingredients could help. My wife and I are now about to begin our IVF treatment of ICSI.
Hi Djko, I'm sorry to hear this. I admire your courage to speak up and seek for advise in this forum as men hardly do. I want to reassure you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Communicate with your wife and I'm sure you both will come out of this with praises. Just like others have advised seek medical help as clinics are open now. Have a positive mind, its not easy but have that little hope that you will be a father someday, there is always a way and you both are very young which is a plus.
Hi Djko, have you consulted a urologist? Ours is doing phone consults and mentioned that tests have restarted so this could be another path. Wishing you all the best
Thanks for responding. We have done, yes. Today we finally heard clinics would begin opening in our area (later this month, but at least it's some movement).
My husband and I are in exactly the same position but unfortunately we didn’t even get the blood tests done in time. They were scheduled for the day after Boris announced the lockdown.
I totally understand how you are feeling as it feel like we’ve been given a ticking time bomb with no idea on how the big explosion could be and when it might go off!
My only advice is to talk about it regularly and if you feel you need to.
Otherwise we’ve been using this time to cut back on alcohol, focus on healthy diets and supplements to make sure we are our best healthy selves for when we take the next step.
There are so many wonderful people on this forum who can offer advice on this journey, don’t be afraid to ask questions and reach out if you’re struggling. It’s really helped me.
Thanks for responding. I'm sorry you are in the same position. I hope you can get things moving again soon, as we've been told clinics are reopening soon (though I appreciate it's probably not the same in every area).
Hello, my partner also has this. We’ve been through our second round icsi and I’m pregnant. Don’t give up just yet. We’re also late 20’s (well my partner is 30) hopefully things will be back to normal for you soon x
Hey there. Sorry you’ve been dealt such a shit hand in all this!
Well done for reaching out for support... This forum was so helpful to me to chat to people who ‘get it.’
I think we all expect these things to happen naturally but there’s an awful lot of people affected by different types of infertility.
I guess one thing that helped me was remembering that me and my partner were the foundation for anything else. I wouldn’t have wanted to have a family with anyone else. I wasn’t particularly broody before him, and we got together when I was 32.
Being parents isn’t always the biology bit as we see all the time... And lots of us need a little help on them first step.
Your wife will love you and won’t want you to leave her! There are options that you can both look into, and decide what works for you both.
Hello, my husband was diagnosed with this early last year, and the urologist said it was partly due to a varicocele he had. He had a procedure to redirect the blood flow to reduce the size of it and then the urologist put him on Proxeed Plus (amazing stuff, you can buy on amazon and other websites). I also suggested he take ubiquinol and DHA tablets. I am now pregnant and his sperm results are normal. Don’t worry, it’s not the end and definitely do not break up with your wife, that is more heartbreaking than anything. Goodluck - and you are only young!
Firstly hi 👋 just to say your story sounds exactly the same as ours and we have a positive outcome.....as we have a biological son. I know MANY people on this forum that also have partners with azoospermia and positive stories. So do not despair!! We started trying late 20’s and got this diagnosis at age 29. It’s a blessing we started trying young....like yourselves! Sounds like you have obstructive azoospermia if your hormone levels have come back normal! Which is a good sign as you have sperm they’re just blocked. We did have TESE surgical sperm retrieval and a procedure called ICSI (which is commonly used for male infertility) on the NHS so might be worth checking your local ccg rules! We’re based in the north west! Just to reiterate....I would NEVER have wanted my hubby to leave me over this..I would have been heartbroken. We are a team and I knew we would work it out together. Going through everything we have has brought us closer than ever before. Yes it was hard at times I’m not going to lie but we focussed on doing up our house and doing a sailing course in order to distract ourselves whilst going through this. We didn’t let it consume us and if it was on our minds we talk about it, focus on another project and let the infertility journey begin in the background. That worked for us. We also investigated the issue privately and had a procedure called TURED which cost about £3,500 in total and we found the cause. Unfortunately this procedure to try and have children naturally didn’t work for us but it does for some!!! So ICSI is the only way forward for us....but we feel so lucky we have this option. If you would like any more information just PM me and happy to share our experience. X
Hello Djko I hope you are well and so sorry you are feeling the way you are.
Although my husband didn’t has azoospermia his sperm count was very low (they actually only found 8 sperm in one of his samples so very very low) and this was heartbreaking for us both, but I would have never even thought about leaving him. You are in this together and I am sure your wife would be devastated to know you were thinking/feeling this way.
Once you come to terms with your diagnosis you will find a way to move forward. I was also in our late twenties when we found out and my husband was just turned 30. We now have two beautiful little girls via ivf icsi
I am sure once you are able to get an appointment with urology you will find out much more as they will conduct more tests and what options are available. I know they can retrieve sperm from patients with azoospermia via a procedure and use icsi. I would also get some proxeed you can get this online amazon etc
I wish you both all the luck in the world and keep chasing the hospital for your appointment xxx
My partner also had this problem and zero sperm! We managed to fix it and have a child. You’re both still young and have time on your hands.
My partner also felt the same as you and thought about leaving as he couldn’t give me what I wanted, that would have broken my heart as I only wanted children with him.
It a delicate topic. I can DM you what we did to get sperm back and running and who we saw also (we’re in London). We did go private as the medication he needed was not available on NHS. The endocrinologist we saw is still practising via video call as we spoke to him recently. Let me know if you want any info. Take care and I understand it’s frustrating and hurtful but hang in there and you’ll get there 🌺
So good you've reached out. Definitely it's upsetting and yes fertility issues are stressful due to time bomb ticking away at all of us. However good news is you're in your 20s...that's a positive, most of us here are older. Problems are to be faced together...sweet you're even considering to leave her but truthfully that will not make either of you happy as you love each other and should face problems together not alone. There are things you can both do which will improve chances and quality. For you they may be able to get directly from testicles...this was one of the plans for my husband and many men..we sought advice from Dr Jonathan Ramsay in London... he's lovely and really helpful..we were referred from our clinic. You both can also take supplements and lead a healthier lifestyle with yoga just exercise in general and eating well. Read it starts with the egg by Rebecca Fett there are also tips for men. Acupuncture helped us too. Taking time out initially to absorb the info you've received and make an action plan as to next steps. You'll get there...but do it together. Our problems brought us closer eventually. We too had male factor as primary reason but there were things with me too nk cells, Pcos. Do all the tests first then you can solve together. We had ICSI three times and on last successful attempt we had IMSI (Looks at sperm in detail before injecting into egg). Don't lose hope and keep faith im 38 and hubby is 40...good luck xx
Sorry that you are in this situation. My husband found out that he has Obstructive azoospermia 2 years ago. He is 43 and I am 27. At first we were devastated.
Now husband Has done a surgical sperm removal And have finished our first round of icsi which unfortunately was unsuccessful.
But we are not giving up. We are going to have a second round after the lockdown has finished.
You said you are in your 20s. I personal think you are young . You should not decide in a hurry. There are so many options going forward. I think you should wait till you see your doctors.
You guys are absolutely not alone in this. Covid could not have been at a worse time however let me tell you our story
My husband and I have been together 9 years married for 4, celebrated 4th wedding anniversary yesterday. We decided a year after being married to “start trying” or “not try to let it happen” nothing was happening.
My husband phoned his GP did the semen analysis which came back zero count. Devastated was not even the word, he feel into a really dark emotional hole and it took a really long time for him to even accept or understand why. His hormone levels were normal and everything else was indicating no problems which is a good sign. There is cystic fibrosis in his mother’s side of the family and he is a genetic carrier which means he has congenital bilateral absence of vas deferns CBAVD. The easiest way I can describe this as genetic vasectomy. So swimmers are there and perfectly normal.
Unfortunately that was not our only obstacle because of nhs guidelines for ivf funding my weight was a major issue. I have spent the last 18 months loosing nearly 5 stone and I’m almost at goal. They won’t put us on the waiting list until I’m at goal weight and my husband was scheduled to have his surgery before covid hit and we went into lockdown and I was 4lbs away from goal weight and now with lockdown I’m 12lbs away from goal weight and surgery is postponed for now.
Best thing all of us can do is be supportive of one another during this difficult time. The key to coping with all of this is communication talk to each other and remember nobody is to Blame it is what it is and we are fortunate that medical advances have given us the option to have children of our own
An update on this, we decided to pay for a testicular ultrasound which has highlighted a potential blockage in the Vas deferens. More scans are needed.
(But I was told my testicals were normal sized and had blood circulation around them, which is positive if not weird hearing about your own balls.)
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We did contact counsellors and had a discussion, they came to the conclusion that we didn't meet the criteria for assistance and advise to look into private counselling. However the problem there is we would just be eating into money we may have to use for IVF/other treatments in the future.
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