Feeling so down today can't stop cryng.

[anonmous23]

Hi Ladies,

So sorry but had no one else to talk to. I am feeling bit bitter and I hate this feeling. my sibling and wife are having their 2nd baby, she a year older than me and got pregnant naturally with there first straight away and exactly 1 year later got pregnant naturally again, they shared there 3 month scan today and my heart sank, both with joy but been depressed as well, there is a family get together this Saturday and all relatives will be there who I can’t stand and they are announcing there news with all this Saturday, I wish I didn’t have to be there.

I have wonderful niece and nephews and my siblings are great with me, but I just can’t help but feel so sad and low for me and my partner. we are going for ICSI/IVF again next month and I am feeling negative about the whole thing because my heart is already telling me it won’t work. when I follow my heart, I am always right. Just feel proper crap and I feel like a total cow how I felt towards this news, so happy but so sad at the same time. Just cant handle all this.

[Sayusayme]

I totally understand dear and even today I am very depressed too 💔 and my intuition has been telling me too that my transfer has not worked even though I have six days left for bhcg test...so very shattered n low too

I have no words to say but just do what comforts your heart and soul ,,,coz we are at one phase of life where no one or god can or will understand us other then ourself and this forum....sending you my love💕💕💕

[Faith103 in reply to Sayusayme]

I’m with you ladies on this one. I had a breakdown to my fella last night. Couldn’t stop crying today I’m in work with massive bags under my eyes and so tired. 10 years I’ve been on this journey now and as well as not being able to conceive I also have the bad endo pains every month to remind me xxxx hopefully one day we will get a break

[anonmous23 in reply to Sayusayme]

Thanks so much hun, you never know hun you might get good news. its always a struggle for us woman and the ones that do get pregnant through this journey makes me sooooo happy because they have gone through the struggle and will always know how hard it is. God give us strength. thanks for your love xxx

[Sayusayme in reply to anonmous23]

Thanx dear

[Faith103 in reply to anonmous23]

🥰 god gives the hardest journeys to his strongest soldiers xxxxx

[anonmous23 in reply to Faith103]

Yeah true I guess xxx I am keeping full faith but so hard.

[Nodds]

Cut yourself some slack; please don't be hard on yourself. What you're feeling is totally normal (I feel the same way too!) and now is the time for self-preservation. Do what's right for you, not what you feel is expected of you. If you've got treatment planned for next month, you need to be emotionally, physically and spiritually in a really good place.

I use the 'light vs dark' method to decide what I want to do.

Think about the situation (i.e. going to the family get together) if you feel 'lightness' in your heart - go. If you feel 'darkness' in your heart - don't go.

If your family care about you, they'll support your decision.

Be a little bit selfish and put you first.

Sending you lots of love xx

[anonmous23 in reply to Nodds]

My family are great but its the relatives I just know when they announce the news it will be more oh wow well done you guys and then I will get the look like you don't have a child.

I haven't told anyone about my failed journeys ever and my partner and me have decided not to becos I know for me it will cause more stress for us. Only my mum and mother in law and sister in law know becos I am so close to them all and they generally care for me a lot.

Thanks so much for your love. I just need to get this Saturday over with then I don't have to see any relatives until next year May which is a good gap. xx

[sadievalentie]

Hi there! How are you? I hope you are feeling better. I can understand that this is tough for you. It's not easy to be around people who are making it work so easily and it's not working out for you. It constantly makes you feel bad. Whenever i felt like this during family get together, i rushed to the bathroom and cried. So when you cry and get it out of your system, you can relax. This will be hard, but you are also going for treatment next month so be strong. Hopefully, this time is going to work out for you. Good luck. Stay blessed. Take care. Bye!

[Bluelady-sing]

Understandable. I so desperate it hurts.

I feel stuck

[Alyssa123]

Hi! I hope you are doing better. So your brother is having a baby, and you are going to find out about it in front of the whole family. Situations like those are always awkward. And yes, it looks like you are the target of everyone at that time. It's like they have never seen anyone fail before. Good things take time. So You can either skip that dinner or just tell your brother to share it when you are gone. I am sure he will understand that. I hope this helps. Good luck. Take care of yourself. Stay blessed. Bye!

[LorrieWalden]

Hi hon! How are you now? I can understand that this situation will be tough for you. But you have to be there for your brother. You have to be happy in his happiness. It's a hard thing, but that's what he deserves. Don't even think about what other people will say about you. That doesn't matter. You can also make them silent by just saying next month I am going for treatment. I am sure they will support that. I will pray that things get easier for you. My blessings are with you. Best of luck. Take good care of yourself. Goodbye!

[anonmous23]

Hi Ladies, I thought I reply to you all at once, firstly thank you so much for the love and care from all of you so lovely to have this support. I did go for treatment and again failed 3rd time round, I didnt even get to transfer this time as only 2 eggs and 1 fertilsed but very bad quality grade 3, factors of very bad sperm and low and my age 39. I am very happy for my brother but cant believe its happened so easy for them, I just dont get it in 2018 my AMH was 7 and in November 2019 1 year later is has gone down to 0.38 I just was so shocked, I knew it would be low but not this low. My only option is Donor Egg and other half going for the that small surgery to see if any difference made with sperm. This is ongoing nightmare but nothing I can do, just keep trying. love to you all ladies thanks so much. xxx