Feeling alone....

[Jessy1280]

This 2nd cycle has gone much as I expected. I know I've said it a million times but I had 18 eggs first cycle on long protocol.

This second cycle has cost nearly double in meds (antagonist protocol) but last scan yesterday I had just 9 follicles 7-14mm. They've said I'm likely to get 6 mature eggs and the rest will be too small. I'm gutted. I know some ladies would be delighted by this but for me I lost 15/18 eggs last time so I'm really scared if only get 6 this time and only 3 fertilise, I could walk away with zero by day 5. Lost so many last time. I've got another scan tomorrow and I'm terrified of more bad news. I feel like this cycle just hasn't worked for me.

Feeling alone as my oh just doesn't understand. He has two kids already and doesn't understand the turmoil I'm in being childless. The subject is completely off limits. He only had VR for me. He says whatll be will be. Nothing could be further from the truth for me.

This cycle I've done everything I didnt do first cycle. I've taken a ton on supplements religiously (even dhea and melatonin), eaten healthy but yet lower number of follicles. Gutted. X

[Lolepops]

Hi I’m sorry you are feeling so sad . It’s so difficult . Please don’t get hung up on numbers . First round I got 16 and it failed z second round I got 8 and 3 got to day 5. One being my son and the other we just had put back and I’m currently pregnant. Lower number don’t necessarily mean that it’s bad news . I found the lower number meant they were better quality . Big hugs to you xxx

[Kyell2]

Aw Jessy it’s just so tough being at this unknown point in treatment because you just don’t know how many eggs you are going to get. If it helps they told me I would get around 5 eggs and they got 10. 9 of which were mature.

I hope tomorrow brings better news and remember it’s quality over quantity 🤞🤞 x

[Jessy1280 in reply to Kyell2]

Thanks guys. I just feel helpless. After first failed FET I nearly lost my sanity. Ivf is the most wonderful yet cruel journey. No rhyme or reason for any of it. I'm scared times running out, despite my naturally high amh as I'm nearly 39.

Yes I have 2 good embies in the freezer (1x hatching 4-5 ba and 1X4BB) but I feel like I won't get any this cycle. Feel like I've waited so long since last cycle to get going again. The waiting is the worst. I have one cycle left that has to be used by march but the added stress is finding the money for meds and the money for icsi conversion.

I don't know how you ladies have done it so many times. Feel like I'm never going to get this baby 😢 x

[Kyell2 in reply to Jessy1280]

Aw your doing a great job at keeping it all together Jessy. Just hold on a few more days, you can’t change the result by worrying, so tough as it is try some relaxation techniques and have faith in yourself and your body ( I know it’s not easy but you’ve got this!!!) xx

[Sambab]

Jessy dont be disheartened. My last scan only showed 4 follicles but I'm positive still....as they say it only takes one egg!!!

My egg collection is tomorrow so I'll know how many eggs by tomorrow night.

Please keep positive and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Xxxx

[Jessy1280 in reply to Sambab]

Good luck! Keep us posted xxx

[Hidden]

Sorry you feel this way Jessy. The whole thing is such a rollercoaster. I can see how anxious you are from all your posts. I’m sure your clinic have your best interests at heart and hopefully having fewer eggs will mean they are of better quality and hopefully some good quality blastocysts develop from them. From all I have read on here since joining it really is not just a numbers game. I know it feels that way and I totally understand your anxiety. Hopefully your supplements will help.

My partner also believes that what will be will be and that everything happens for a reason and I find that hard too but he goes along with it all for me and can at times be a little resentful and unsupportive.

We are considering a second cycle soon, and I have no idea how it will differ from my last egg collection over a year ago. Good luck xx

[Jessy1280 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Aprilmama. Fortunately in the last few days he's gone back on his male supplements of his own accord. Then tonight he jokes that he's on steroids just to get under my skin. He thinks I'm paranoid thinking he's taking something else. He has bad friends who keep encouraging to get on them to train and lose weight. He knows how I feel about steroids! Either way, not funny. Up until recently he's been good coming to every single appointment with me. Yesterday u went by myself and tomorrow by myself again hence feeling so alone in all this. I'm taking it really seriously. You hit the nail on the head... Anxiety. Constantly. It's why I let off steam here. You guys are my rocks. I think my clinic are just trying to avoid me getting bad ohss again.

I think each clinic tries to find the best protocol for you. Trial and error I suppose. I pray each of us gets off this rollercoaster sooner rather than later and that we all get our dream. God knows we all deserve it! 🤗 🌈 🤱 Xx

[emma2739]

Jessy it’s so so hard but you have got this far and that’s the toughest bit done. Don’t forget you just need one little egg to be the one to go on to be a beautiful baby. I can’t say anything to make you feel any different but do try to keep the happy thoughts coming to replace the fearful ones. The Headspace app really helped me to keep going but even if you just have a warm bath and light a candle it might help you feel a bit better if even for a little while. I hope tomorrow will be a better day pal x ❤️

[Jessy1280 in reply to emma2739]

Thank you so much. No doubt I'll be back on here tomorrow either breathing a sigh of relief or to vent some more 😂

[Manu16]

Hi Jessy. Please don’t feel down. You still have a good number and remember it’s quality not quantity. There are so many positive stories on this forum so have hope and think positive. I’ve fallen into the numbers trap and it’s a horrible place to be. Your doing great xx

[Redpixie]

Hi, my acupuncturist (who specialises in fertility) thinks that less eggs can mean they are better quality.

Also, have you spoken to you consultant before taking dhea? There are studies saying that for some women it can have negative effects on eggs so the dose needs to be very carefully monitored by an expert. Just a thought...

I think that maybe you have less better quality eggs and this will be the round for you 🤞

[3005]

Hi Jessy like the others have said it’s not about the numbers, you got 18 last time but how many matured? This time they say 6 of them look mature they could all fertilise all grow well and you could have 5 to freeze. Think of that scenario instead cause just think how amazing that would feel!

I know it’s hard I’m heading into round 3 and I too am contemplating all the outcomes but we just have to think positively xxx

[Jessy1280 in reply to 3005]

Last time 16 of 18 were mature and 13 fertilised.

After today's scan I now have 16 follicles (9-17mm). They've said at this point I'll probably get 12. X

[3005 in reply to Jessy1280]

My first round I had 9 follicles and they were slow but by the time it came to EC I had 12 so you just never know what the final outcome is gonna be.

Best of luck x

[Cinderella5]

Hey Jessy, I really feel for you. Its so hard gathering any positivity when you have had previous set backs. However as others have said try to hang on in there, it may well be that the eggs that you have collected do much better this time in....try to think quality over quantity lovely. Hugs.xx