I'm currently undergoing IVF on my own using a sperm donor. It's one of the best decisions I've made but also one of the most uncertain and emotional.
I've just completed my 2nd cycle of IVF. The first cycle, after retrieval of 19 eggs - non of them matured to blastocysts. The second cycle, which was more positive after a lot of changes (2 months of medications to promote healthier egg etc), 2 eggs were implanted on day 3, and on day 5 there were another 3 embryos which have been frozen
I was supposed to go in for my pregnancy test tomorrow, but today started bleeding heavily. The clinic called me in and did a blood test and confirmed what I already knew - the embryo transfer did not take.
Logically I knew that this could be an outcome, there's no guarantees and the likes, but I'm still devastated.
I also then feel guilty. I have only been going through the IVF process for the last 8 months and know there are others who have been for longer and also maybe in not as good a position I am.
8 months in and I am drained. My follow up with the clinic is now not until the 10th and I'm so confused about next steps
I'm not sure if there are other's on the forum going through similar and any advice they can share. I thought maybe joining would help with the process.
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FlowerofLondon
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8 months or 8 years you are going through the same and on your own must be twice as hard. I have just had a bfn from my first transfer and the pain is unbearable. Please keep strong and I hope and pray for your future bfp xxxx
Thanks so much. I honestly didn’t realise how much a few but honest and sensible words could help.
My thoughts are with you zoeann1988. Though I know what you’re going through everyone’s pain is unique. Your kind words right back at you, stay strong and positive for your own BFP xx 🤞🏾🤞🏾
Firstly, I just want to say how inspiring your post is.
To go through this as a single woman is incredibly empowering. Two of my friends are doing the same, and who knows, in a year I might be too!
I was in the same situation as you and none of my embryos made it to blastocyst on my first time. I was literally broken.
The fact you are getting 19 eggs out of each cycle means you are very fertile. Those are incredible numbers.
Day 3 embryos are always more unreliable because you have no idea if they will develop or not. Day 5 embryos have a much better chance (they give frozen blastocysts a 50% chance of pregnancy.)
The fact you have blastocysts on ice is very exciting. Did they grade them?
Sounds like a frozen transfer will be much more positive for you.
Be positive because you have so much going for you (embryos in the freezer and a fantastic egg count).
Thank you so much for your kind words. As I was saying to another person on the forum I didn’t realise how much a simple thing such as this forum could help during times like this
My friends and family have been so supportive, and they are sad for me but on the flip side they don’t really “get it”. Chatting to those going through a similar situation has been enlightening
After the first round when they were going to go for FET but none of the fertilised eggs made it to blastocysts the second cycle they decided on a day 3 transfer, with ICSI
I say “they” ultimately it was my choice but who has a crystal ball. There were no guarantees any of the fertilised eggs would even make it to day 5.
It’s just every time you thing you get past something, you think this could be it and then there’s another hurdle. I’m Sri Lankan so this whole thing is taboo for my culture. My family may be ostracised from the community as being single and using a sperm donor is just not a thing. I’m also using a Caucasian donor so that throws even more into the mix.
As you said, logically I know I’m in a good position. I’ve been trying to stay strong with a positive mental attitude. I know I’ll be “ok” in a day or so, but as I’m sure you know - though we don’t try to get our hopes up and stay logical, we still go into it staying positive and thinking/praying of a bfp outcome. Otherwise what’s the point of doing it. So I’ve got about a week until follow up where I will cry, grieve and then start to get back to the PMA that got me to this stage
I really hope you’re situation improved after the first cycle. Your kind words alone show how much of a great person you are and you deserve your bfp too! 🤞🏾❣️
I’m also going through this alone now, have previously had two fresh and one frozen transfer all unsuccessful with my ex partner and decided I wanted to give it one last go as a single person.
I haven’t started injecting yet just waiting for my nurses appointment but I agree it’s a pretty scary thought to be going it alone.
As Anna said you’ve got amazing numbers and frozen embryos which is brilliant. Keeping everything crossed for you and looking forward to a positive outcome for you x
You’re an incredibly courageous and strong person. I can only imagine what you’ve been through - sure we’re all on here and have understanding, but everyone’s pain is unique to them.
I’m telling myself that it wasn’t meant to be and the meant to be will come. Trying to hold onto the positive mental attitude and all that.
Trying not to get angry or deflated is the hardest I guess. Teenage pregnancies and those from one night stands. Like I said, I try really hard not to 🙂
This is a new journey for you. I’m sure the nurses and doctors are using the previous times as a learning curve for this next cycle. Remember to be kind to yourself and take time for yourself. I believe that your “meant to be” is coming! Xx
I just started my 3rd round of IVF, my husband is infertile so I am also going with a donor, as you can image that in itself is extremely hard to get your head around. I feel excited to be doing something about getting pregnant but guilty because my husband will not be the biological father, so sometimes I feel like I am going it alone.
My first try produced 22 eggs, 11 made it to day 3 and only 2 to day 5. They transferred one on day 5 and it was unsuccessful. The other frozen egg was transferred then about 2 months later (this process was allot less stressful as you had no injections or egg retrieval to worry about). Unfortunately that did not work either
I have now had a small procedure to remove a dip in my uterus and have just started injections again, so fingers crossed it will be third time lucky.
It is a mentally and physically draining experience and my only advise is to take one day at a time and try to stay as positive as possible. All the best with your next round, I will keep my fingers crossed for you x
I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you. Though you’re doing this with your partner yet at times feeling guilty and feeling as though you’re in it alone.
All I can say is please do not feel guilty - and for your husband I hope that realising that being a parent is only part biological and once there is a baby, knowing that he IS that baby’s father will ease any guilt you also have too
I’m so sorry that it’s been such a testing journey for you to this stage and I have everything cross for you that it takes this time round and your BFP is around the corner!
I’m already doing better. Today had been a better day than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. I’m just taking it one day at a time as you said. 🤞🏾🤞🏾
Just wanted to say hi and good luck. I am going through this alone too and have just had a chemical pregnancy after frozen embryo transfer. This whole process is so hard emotionally, physically and financially, be kind to yourself x x x
I am also going through this on my own. I started the process when I was 36. Unfortunately after 2 cycles had to admit defeat that I was not producing eggs anymore. I only got 4 eggs first cycle one that could be transfer but failed and no eggs on 2nd cycle. This was probably the most devastated I have felt in my life. Though after a year to become emotionally stronger am now trying again with donor eggs and sperm.
Allow your time to process what has happened and then consider your options. You have already shown how strong you are making the decisions you have. Good luck xx
You’re incredibly strong and incredibly brave. I seem to be saying that a lot to people on this forum but it’s so apt. We’re all going through different things, regardless of us wanting the same outcome.
It’s really helped, chatting to others, hearing their stories and sharing advice.
I guess logically I knew that this would be a process, a journey and ultimately I realise the 2 egg FET wasn’t meant to be. I know I’m still in a good position. As you said just going to take the time now to process, clear my head and then see what the next step is
Through the heart ache and the knocks it still hasn’t changed my ultimate want and decision for a child. It’s that what’s spurring me on and keeping me strong
I wish you all the best with your next cycle. You too are making decisions showing how strong you are! As I keep saying, your “meant to be” will come. Xx
I can relate i am 34 and i decided to go it alone and use a sperm donor and i whant to Greece to have ivf dun and now i am 29 weeks tomorrow don't give up hope and don't feel you are a lone there are an amazing group of people on here that can help and support you if you need to talk best of luck x
Can I firstly say a massive congrats! So pleased to hear that you’re at 29 weeks. It’s so lovely to hear the positives and the negatives and the journey people have been through.
This forum has been so amazing. I feel better than yesterday already, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and know I just have to take each day as if comes
Hi there, I am too facing this same route of donor sperm. Things didn’t work out with my ex after a failed cycle and a cancelled second one. It broke us as a couple but more so, he broke me. I am only at the start of it and have my first consultation next week. I’m so nervous and i don’t really know what to expect. Is there anything in particular I should be ready for or any advice for this journey. I admire you a lot for what you’ve been through. It must be so difficult when it doesn’t work out, especially on your own. I hope you have great support around you and it looks like you have a great chance with having some on ice. I know there is still no guarantee and your prob still so anxious but I hope you can relax and think positive for your frozen transfers ahead. I have heard so many successful outcomes with frozen transfers.
Was there any medication in particular you were on for the two months before your second round to give you healthy embryos? Or what was your protocol? Egg quality is an issue for me and I have a very Low AMH for my age (37) so I know I’ll never get more than 3/4 eggs but I’d love to know others experiences with what worked for them so I can prepare myself for what’s ahead. X
My heart goes out to you, for everything you’ve gone through to this point. I can’t imagine what you went through with your ex but the fact that you say you’re ex broke you, can I just say this isn’t true. You’re so strong and incredibly brave - to be now doing this on your own after everything!
A few things for me - that I learnt
Get your donor sperm well in advance. If from a sperm bank, they get snapped up so fast and also the sperm banks don’t tend to have much sense of urgency - my first cycle the sperm didn’t arrive until the day before egg collection (adding to my stress levels)
Make sure to take your meds on time
Eat healthier, change you
Take care of yourself. Make time for yourself. Change your diet
My first round was in January and like you, egg quality was the main issue. Also that they may have overstimulated on the Gonal injection dosages so for the second try they would stimulate as much with the dosages
The advice then was to take the 2 months off and focus on promoting the quality of the eggs
I was initially prescribed FERTINAL 25mg, 3 times a day and then the doctor added ICENIA 3mg once a day, at about week 6 of the 2 month break
Then at the two month point I started on the Gonal injections again all the whilst taking the above meds - only stopping after retrieval
Obviously there was marked improvement from the first try to the second, regardless of the outcome of the FET
I also wish I had taken a week off post the FET. I only took a couple of days off and in hindsight wish I I’d taken more time for myself
Not sure if any of this helps or if it’s just information overload!
I have everything crossed for you and hope everything goes well next week! Would love to hear how you’re getting on and do feel free to message if there’s anything. I’ve really found that just even last couple of days being on this forum has helped so much
Hi flower of London, thank you for that lovely reply. Your so right...he only broke down our relationship but he actually made me stronger ☺️ I am quite a strong determined person anyway but every fall helps you get up stronger and god knows I’ve had quite a few!!
That’s interesting , I’ve never heard of those two medication you were on. Are they prescribed specifically by a doctor for your case? I must research them anyway 👌🏽 I took dhea, ubiquinol, procieve max, folic acid, wheat grass, melatonin, probiotics, vit d, fish oils all for 5 months and weekly Acupunture too. I also took myo inositol but just for a little while. That was before the second cycle but because on last scan we only had 4 folicles, my partner didn’t wanna go ahead and lose 6k on a little chance. I sometimes wonder now how it would’ve turned out but I think it didn’t go ahead for a reason and we were not meant to be together. Gods blessing perhaps. So tbh I don’t know if all I did for 5 months healed in the quality. I can only hope it did. That’s good to know about getting the sperm donor as quick as I can. I didn’t realize there would be delays in that. I’m in Ireland so not sure if it works the same but I’ll def keep it in mind. I’m also thinking of options abroad too though. Thank you so much for your reply and advice. It’s so appreciated and like you I love this forum, it defiantly helps and I don’t know where I’d be without such empowered inspiring women like you. Xxx
Oh and I do have a healthy diet too but did you go very strict and eat no treats whatsoever. ? I eat fruit and veg every day, fish, nuts, seeds, juices and lots of protein but I do have the odd little bit of sweet most days. Maybe I should cut that out. I’m dairy and gluten free also. Xx
Ah FlowerofLondon I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work. Its such hard work isn’t it and an emotional rollercoaster. I’m going through it with a partner but I don’t think they have the true level of experience and sheer head f*** that us ladies go through. It can be a very isolating experience which is why this forum is great.
Did you get any frozen ones on your last round that made it to blastocyst or do you think you will go through IVF again?
With your 19 eggs did they say why it didn’t work? Were the eggs mature enough? Xx
Hi Hun I went through it alone too at 36 and now have a beautiful baby girl yes it’s hard and there are days when you just want to curl up and cry but for me my dream came true so I hope it’s the same for you I was lucky to have support from my family my mum and sister were by my side always hope you have support from family or friends xxxxx
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