Earlier in the week I was feeling positive knowing I'm doing everything to make the next cycle work. Had a really positive mindset as I'm doing this differently to cycle 1. Likely to have baseline scan next week... I was really excited.
Today, the depths of despair thinking it'll never happen for me even with lots in our favour. Feelings of sadness and anxiety. Don't know if this is related to a lack of understanding from my OH. I think it's because he's not that bothered if we have a child (he already has 2 and I have none). He thinks what'll be will be but for me nothing could be further from the truth. I can never ever give up on my dream of motherhood. He just doesn't get it or what I'm going through.
Anyone else relate? Is anyone else up and down?
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Jessy1280
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Hi Jessy.. what you’re feeling is totally normal and I was exactly the same until I got my bfp. It’s a tough journey and one I was not going to give up. Even now my baba is finally here are 5 years of infertility I suffered.. I couldn’t function and my anxiety was through the roof. I think I had a mental break down and nobody could see or feel it as I was an expert at putting on a smile. What I will say even our partners don’t really understand the yearning for a child and only you will really know how it feels. Take it day by day... feel positive about your life and be thankful for what you do have and see the positives in your next cycle. Chin up lady onwards and upwards and I pray for your bfp in due course😘😘
Thank you. I totally relate to your anxiety being through the roof to the point where I can't eat and I pace a lot. I'm amazed I get any work done. Fortunately work have been amazing. X
Completely. Biggest rollercoaster/nightmare of my life.
My mental health is deteriorating to the point of panic attacks.
Hi Jessy. Oh it’s not nice feeling on your ownsome going through this. I would make sure he is with you every step of the way, and hopefully he will start to feel some excitement too. Look forward to your scan next week and take OH with you! Thinking of you. Diane
Thanks Diane. Fortunately the OH always comes to appointments but he digs his heels in when it comes to supplements. Think he's in denial thinking it will happen naturally 🙈 x
Oh Jessy, I'm sorry, we hear you and understand even if you feel isolated. Have you sought any help ? Accepting that these feelings of despair are transitory is really helpful. Just cling on to that truth that you won't always feel the way you do when you feel rock bottom, and if you can don't be fearful of the feeling returning, it will go again, enjoy the good days. Good luck with your scan X
Thanks for all the replies. Just struggling to cope with the fear of failure again, not being able to talk about it openly with others. Never once envisaged that I'd have to go through ivf in my lifetime. X
Hi Jessy1280, I am very sorry to hear you are struggling. Ivf is such a hard journey. It’s normal to have ups and down because you that this baby so much. Also the frugs you are taking and the pressure (financially and emotionally) does not help. Please don’t give up. If the odds are in your favour there is a good chance it will work.
People behave in different ways regarding supporting their oh on that journey. Maybe your oh is trying to protect himself by showing a detached approach. I am sure it is also important for him. Don’t give up on your dream. It can happen. I wish you all the best of luck. Take care 💖
Hi, just wanted to say you’re not alone. This journey completely messes with your head and one day you can feel absolutely fine and another it can be w struggle to even get out of bed. Have you tried talking to a fertility counsellor? Even going as a couple? I found that and this forum really helped me. My husband also has a child and it’s probably the only thing we argue about, I say he can’t possibly understand how I feel and he insists he wants it as much as me. I think being a step mother while going through this adds a whole other complicated dimension xx
It's painful to watch him interact with his kids whilst my heart breaks. My OH just says he's trying to give me what I want but then refuses to take the supplements I bought him, hasn't stopped drinking or drinking caffeine. Still eating crap too.
Ivf is so expensive that I feel he should be doing everything in his power like me to make sure it works next time. The only saving grace I have is this forum. You ladies are wonderful and strong! My clinic offer one free counselling session but I don't think it'll help me. It can't erase my desire for a child or change how I feel. X
You're feelings are completely normal, my third fresh cycle failed on Wednesday and I went back to work the day after, so it's been a really rubbish week.
My husband has 2 children from a previous marriage, albeit now teenagers and cause me no issue. But I honestly believe it makes all this much much harder and at dark times during this I've really questioned my decision to marry him. The stress is also higher as it means we have to pay for the treatment as well which in turn can keep you up at night with worry and adds additional stress we shouldn't have to suffer. I'm lucky as my husband will take and do whatever necessary now to get our baby as he's seen the pain I'm in.
Keep going love and dont ever feel guilt for the way you feel, it's a very hard situation to be in. Speak to your husband when you feel you can and write down how you feel and what you want to say, this has helped me at times over the last few years. Ask for space away from his kids if you need it, I have this weekend. Dont feel guilty for putting yourself first.
Talking is impossible. Don't think he realises that I'm NEVER going to give it up. I hate that I'm not allowed to speak about ivf especially when I really need to. Trying to talk or write it down just pushes him away further 😢 x
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Feeling deflated things not going to plan
Mental health 
Feeling sorry for myself (a lot) 
Going out of my mind 😢
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