Fertility Network UK
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Not coping .. mental health team now 😢😢

Hi lovely ladies ..

Sorry for the rant .. today has been day from hell it started with follow up about failed cycle .. then during appointment doctor claims he was worried about state of mind so when I got home counsellor from unit called 55 minutes later she hung up.. and then gp called asking me to go in at 4.40 so went nothing achieved abvioulsy now mental health team have called saying. gp has referred me! I am not mentally ill just infertile for gods sake I'm not happy just feel like everyone expects me to just accept this and not be angry but I can't! Feel so so frustrated at moment lost and alone 😢😢😢

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Oh love, I'm so sorry to hear that. You are right - infertility/fertility issues are not the same as mental health problems. You've had a terrible blow and are allowed to be angry, upset and all the emotions in between! Just so sorry you're going through this. we had our bfn 10 days ago and I've been quite up and down. I would say it's normal...?!!

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Hi honey ..

Sorry to hear about your BFN they are the worst news in the world I've had two now they don't get easier!! 😢

I had mine on weds just gone and tbh I've just been down there's been no in between I have taken lots of tablets and slept most of time just feel like I've got no need to carry on now that if I can't have my dream i don't want to be here 😢😢

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Oh Hun, it's so so hard. I know it doesn't seem like it now but you will find the strength to carry on somehow. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other however hard it is. Today is shit, but hopefully tomorrow you will feel just a little bit less shit xxx

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Oh honey, doesn't sound like the best of days at all. Try to remember that all those people are trying to help you. Infertility isn't the same as a mental health issue but it can affect your mental health. I'm seeing a psychotherapist and an acupuncturist because infertility has made me very anxious, and it's been coming out as a major control issue. I have no history of mental health issues but once I recognised that I was developing a problem, I realised that asking for mental health help was the best thing I could do... we have to look after ourselves, we are in bad circumstances. But we don't have to suffer alone.

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I would echo Lizzie's comments above; accessing support doesn't have to be a negative thing. It sounds like others are worried about you and you have had such an awful time. Lots of people for support on here.....

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I agree with the girls. I've had counselling through this (clomid made me very depressed). I'm so glad I had that outlet and now I feel like I've got tools to help me when things get bad.

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Hi honey ..

The thing is I have studied counselling which isn't great as I know what she's doing when paraphrasing etc and it just makes it feel like she's patronising me it's not her fault she's prob very good was def very patient not many people can talk to me for 55 minutes! The thing is I have lost all hope and seriously don't want to carry on living anymore like I said to her today it's not really just infertility I had treatment all way through childhood went to school with feeding tube in so I have never really felt normal and never will so tired of it all now which is why I feel like this just can't face yet another battle xx

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You really do sound like you need support at the moment. Maybe give the counsellor another chance? If counselling is not for you then would you consider another route like anti-depressants? Or is acupuncture/reflexology an option for you? (The cost is the downside imho)

You've had such a tough time. Don't keep suffering alone (humans just aren't designed to suffer alone) and don't let this be the thing that beats you. Your life is precious, whether you're a mother or not.

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Ps my main emotion after the last icsi failed for us was anger. I think anger is normal. Essentially what we end up feeling is grief, and grief includes anger and sadness. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for feeling angry. The thing about grief though, is that it gets easier to live with over time. I wish you all the best as you ride the storm.

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Absolutely. Lizzie is right. A colleague of mine send me a lovely message at one of my lowest points. She said H.O.P.E "hold on, pain ends". I know it's a little cheesy, but i try to keep that in mind xx

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Thinking of you x

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Oh hunny breaks my heart reading this but so glad you reaching out on here and the fab ladies above as always have excellent advice. I went for some cbt when ttc and before ivf and found it very helpful.have you thought of that?it was on the NHS where I live so cost nothing. Helped me get my stinking thinking in check however then two bfns later we were suggested counselling eventhough I wasn't sure we needed it as I still use the cbt techniques I learnt. I am a psychologist so I was aware of her techniques and I too found her patronising but we did it and I think my dh found it helpful. Surround yourself with people who will support you when you feel like this and know that how you feel is normal after all you been through. Be extra specially kind to yourself and if helpful I have some cbt links online I can pass on if you want. Take lots of care xxxxx

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So sorry to hear your feeling this way. Take all the help you are offered and take your time you have been through a lot. Take care xxx

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Just wanted to let you know that Im thinking about you! Its only been a short time since your BFN and you need to give yourself time to heal. I understand you not finding the counselling helpful especially when you knowing the background of the techniques, its not for everyone but maybe give it a few shots before your write it off, if nothing else then it gives you an out to vent your anger and grief! Sending you a massive hug, you may feel alone but you're definitely not on here!xx

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Oh Liz I'm sorry you're having a difficult time and I agree with others it's normal to feel upset after getting a BFN. But maybe getting some counseling will help you feel a bit better. This journey is very very stressful. It is hard to talk to friends or families for fear of them worrying about you maybe talking to an uninvolved party will help. I think your GP cares and is worried about you. Do whatever is right for you. Lots of hugs being sent your way xoxo

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Oh it is so bloody awful my heart goes out to you, after my first failed round I fell apart, I had never dealt with the grief of my mother dying and it all came out with the failed round, but I had a wonderful counsellor and he has the patience of a saint! Since then I've had two failed rounds, well one mmc, then failed third one on Sunday. Throughout all of this I have seen my counsellor once a week and the support has been amazing. It is expensive worth it. I've seen lots of therapists in my time and I've never felt they've been helpful, but this one has hit the nail on the head, and sometimes it drives me more mad! Perhaps you need to "shop around". Was it a fertility specialist counsellor? Maybe you should try and see a man if you're finding the women patronising? I echo what the girls say it sounds that the extra support would be good. It's so natural to be angry, and if they don't think it is then they aren't the right people to talk to. Where are you based? Xx

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