Just wondering if anyone has given up work to pursue IVF?
Did it help or did you become more obsessed/depressed without the routine and distraction of going into an office?
I resigned a few weeks ago, then my manager said I could keep working and take “sick leave” for my treatment.
I am wondering what to do. If I leave my job, is there a risk of becoming even more obsessed than I already am?
I feel totally lost - I don’t know who I am anymore. I am exhausted and have become really anti-social. Does everything become easier when you are not working?
Really interested to hear other people’s experiences.
I think what ur boss is offering is really nice and I personally would taken them up on it having work can be a good thing but work plus ivf treatment when work don’t know is so hard. This way you can take your time and not have the stress of work but also have the distraction of it x
I managed to get to my appointments before work and took few days off for collection and transfer. But I did it privately not nhs. Work helped me to keep distracted from the worries
What an understanding boss! I would suggest taking some sick leave. I think work is key to routine & staying active so if you can take time out when you need it and then go back here and there it will be best for your mind.
To be honest, you could put yourself at risk of becoming slightly depressed and possible loss of confidence plus a distraction is always good!
Take care of yourself and take advantage of the ‘sick leave’ by planning some nice things also 😘
My work has distracted me to no end with ivf. I’ve always been allowed any appointments or scan or anything ivf related off at short notice and your boss sounds super flexible too. I only took 2 weeks off sick around EC and ET. It’s going to be a long long time to keep yourself organised and busy through ivf and personally work has been great. Xxxx
I’ve stayed working and been given time off for medical appointments. I have found that going to work is a good distraction - sitting at home / doing chores etc just isn’t as absorbing. My manager has also been very supportive and I’ve had quite a few chats with her; I’d have missed that if I’d given up work. Plus there is the wider social side - chatting to others in the office about their lives / sport / Love Island etc has helped me stop focusing on myself and my treatment all the time. You could always try working with time off for medical appointments and then, if that isn’t working for you, resign? Best of luck to you whatever you choose xx
I agree with the above, I'd stay in work and take leave when needed. I find sitting at home and having too much time on my hand during treatment leads to obsessive over thinking, Googling etc. Of course, if your work is very stressful then it's not great but he gave you the green card to take time out if you're feeling overwhelmed.
Feeling like you lost yourself is very natural. I am the same. It's hard to put a smile on and be our bubbly self when you going through a real tough time. Nothing wrong with being anti-social, we have to do what's right for us.
This really resonates with me as I totally feel your concerns over what the right choice is here. I’ve been contemplating whether or not to give up work the whole way through our 2 rounds of IVF. Not that my work haven’t been accommodating, they have been very flexible in letting me take time for appointments and sick leave when I needed a break & rest around ec and transfer. My issue is more that I really dislike my job and if we weren’t going through IVF then I would be pursuing a career change right now!
When we started ttc I was just really enduring it thinking that if I at least could get mat leave covered I would then seriously reconsider whether or not i wanted to go back afterward. however a year and a half down the line and we’re still not closer to that goal whatsoever and all the while I feel like i’m just putting up with my job rather than it providing any form of useful distraction for me. Despite the flexibility (which I am hugely thankful for) work for me does quite often create additional stress and pressure that doesn’t help IVF.
We’re just about to start prep
for a FET and I’ve said to myself that if this doesn’t work and we have to go back to square 1 for a fresh round (we don’t have anything left to transfer after this third cycle) then I will quit my job and focus on working out what I want to do next before we start another fresh cycle. It’s a really hard decision because it will feel like we’re putting our family on hold while I figure things out, but in some way I think it might be the universe telling my to sort my shit out a bit!!
So what i’m saying in a rather long way 😂 is that if work does provide a useful focus/distraction for you then I absolutely would carry on and just take sick leave or holiday for days you need off around EC/transfer. Also if you’re able to work from home that’s a huge bonus as means you can still be productive even when you’re feeling shitty and just want to stay in your pjs all day. I think it’s still really important to have something else to do whilst going through IVF otherwise it will just be all consuming and you’ll lose a sense of identity in it all. Maybe if after taking sick leave for your next round, you’re still feeling like this, it would be time to reconsider but I personally think it’s worth a shot doing it the way your boss has suggested and then hopefully if all goes to plan you’ll feel ok to go back for those few months where there will be an end in sight.
We are in exactly the same situation. I dislike my job - it is not stimulating and very frustrating, which adds to the pressure of IVF. It is flexible, but I am bored for most of the day. It is not challenging and it is a really anti-social office (I sit in a closed office on my own).
At the same time, it gets me out of bed in the morning. I am scared I would be a depressive mess if I didn't have the routine.
I guess it comes down to motivation - trying to get freelance work, or maybe focusing on health (a routine of gym, cooking, doing what I like).
Then there is the issue of money...we have blown 20k already. Makes me sick to think about it! We have spent all our wedding money on failed IVF treatment...my goodness.
Can I ask how old you are and whether this is an issue with delaying transfers or more treatment?
Because I have had two failed rounds I am freaking out about my age (nearly 37) even though I know I still have a bit of time. Maybe it is just the anxiety...
Wow it sounds like we must work in the same office lol! I feel exactly the same, we’ve spent so much money already that it feels really reckless to just quit, regardless of whether or not our next round is successful because either way the financial pressure is there; either more IVF or covering mat leave.
I’m 34 and have also had 2 failed rounds. We’re using frozen sperm that my husband banked before he had cancer treatment(so it’s fine as far as the doctors can tell) and there is nothing obviously wrong with me (have every test under the sun done so far) so there’s no obvious reason why it’s not working for us so far apart from bad luck and us not beating the odds.
I’m turning 35 in a few months and am already worried about how this is all going to pan out, I really thought by the time I turned 35 we’d have a family and I do regret not starting this whole process sooner as I feel I’ve completely wasted time in a career that I don’t want to pursue as the expense of getting on with creating our family.
And if we’re not lucky this next time I just think giving up working and just figuring something out is something I might have to try - it’s not like me at all to jump ship before having a plan but I’m at the stage now where I just think we’ll whats the worst that can happened compared to 3 rounds of failed IVF!!!
Would it be an option for you to reduce your hours at work a bit to get some more headspace and take the pressure off for the foreseeable? I worked 4 days a week in a precious job (before IVF) and it’s something I’d go back to if I had the chance. My current workplace doesn’t have the greatest attitude to part time working but that’s something else I’m also considering speaking to them about, but if they’re not open to the idea, then I’d have to be brave enough to just walk away from it at the point.
It’s so hard to know what’s best to do and can’t say i’ve got the answer to be honest, but i’m just hoping the choice becomes a bit clearer soon! xx
Hi, I have a really stressful job within the nhs and am coming to the end of a period of 6 weeks sick leave because I could no longer cope whilst going through treatment. Out of previous 3 cycles I only had a couple of weeks off when signed off by my Cons and even only took 2x days when found out about our mmc (and none when actually had the mc as was at the weekend). Currently in the 2ww, but don’t feel like I’m going to be able to go back if it’s a positive or a negative. I didn’t want infertility to rob me of my career as well as everything else, but just don’t have the energy to carry on right now. My counsellor, husband and family all think I should take more time off if I need it, but I’m thinking about resigning as feel bad for my Team having to carry on without me- it will place them under a lot of extra pressure which seems unfair xx
Hi Anna, I’m a personal trainer and have stopped work to pursue this baby journey because of the nature of the job and all I can say is, I hate it! I volunteer one day a week at a charity and it’s definitely my most positive day. I had my first FET last week with 7 in the freezer. I’m praying that it takes but if it doesn’t, the first thing I’m doing is getting a part time job!! Especially as I saw how this frozen transfer only consisted of one hospital appointment for a scan to check the lining and a second for the actual transfer for itself, all over a three week. It’s now it’s the TWW. It’s been a lot of hours to fill so far and I most certainly do my own head in due to the boredom and amount of time I have to think and google stuff. I have no doubt getting a job while I do future transfers (if this one doesn’t stick) will give me a bit of a life back especially as I’m quite an outgoing person. I appreciate everyone is different though but I think it’s lovely that your manager has offered you that solution, there’s lots that wouldn’t. X
After my first transfer failed I couldn't cope with how depressed I was, so I ended up leaving. I wasn't being very good at my job, the pressure was too much, and then the grief on top meant I was close to breaking down. So I left after about a month.
I wouldn't say I obsessed with ivf after this. I spent more time with my family and visiting friends I hadn't seen in a while. Though I didn't let on to many people about what had caused me to leave. Maybe that was a mistake.
A few months later we went through our second transfer, and at this point I had a much lower key job so a lot let pressure. I went back to work a few days after the transfer, whereas first time around I took the full two weeks off and did spend a lot of time obsessing. I did end up pregnant after my second transfer but my whole Outlook was different and I just tried to focus on myself entirely that cycle.
I think there is a lot to be said for putting yourself first. Work can be an added pressure but it can also be a welcome distraction, like it was for me. Depends on the nature of your job and how you approach it. More than anything, just make sure you focus in yourself.
I have actually taken so e sick leave as work is unbearable at the moment and no a distraction. I think it depends what you do for a job as to whether it helps to work or not. I work with newborns and pregnant mums so it is definitely harder for me and not a distraction. Best of luck with your decision x
I think that's nice of your boss to offer that. You could always try that and if still not feeling great trying to work at the same time then resign then? We are testing Friday after our first round of ivf. We had transfer Wednesday and I've been off from wed onwards. My job can be quite stressful at times but my boss knows about the ivf and has been amazing. Tbh in some ways I'm looking forward to going back tomo for the rest of the tww!! lol. I'm sure whatever you choose will be right for you good luck xx
I have personally remained at work and have only just taken some time off for egg collection, then my manager has encouraged me to take a week after transfer day. I really love my job and its such a wonderful distraction. It keeps me active, sociable and energised ✨
Think everyone is different and it depends on how supportive your employer is, mine has been fantastic throughout and I initially put in a mix of medical leave and annual leave. The clinic where I had my treatment actually gave me a sick note for 2 weeks following egg collection so all together I had 5 weeks off work which was fantastic. I personally needed it (my clinic was 2 1/2 hours away and we were there every other day) but some people like the distraction of being at work. Sounds like you have an understanding employer. Good luck xx
Work was the only thing that kept me from going mad during my cycles. The odds are against any cycle working, and you need the refuge of work to keep sane and stop becoming obsessed with each cycle, honestly it’s actually not that much time off you need -best of luck xx
What about starting to look for a new job? Even if you become pregnant, you probably have just about enough time to get maternity cover - you need to have worked for your new company about 26 weeks to get maternity, I think... Believe me, I got pregnant after IVF whilst in a job I hated - I cried every day for six months until I went off - I should have looked for new jobs whilst going through the cycle!
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giving up
Getting time off work
Changing work and IVF advice
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Ok to go back to work the day of transfer?
