Advice - seriously considering giving up work

[Kat_15]

Hi fellow IVF warriors

I hope you’re all having a good week. Seen some lovely BFP news which is always so fab to hear and gives me hope. 🌈💪🎉❤️

So I have been having a long, hard think about my work situation and I am seriously considering taking a career break for a while to give my next rounds of IVF the best possible chance of being successful.

I really enjoy my job but it is very pressurised, unpredictable and stressful. My hubby and I could manage with me not working for a while, things would be tighter but we could manage.

I just feel that if I don’t make this decision sooner rather than later I may regret not giving myself this chance but it’s a huge decision for me as I feel like I have worked so hard for my career, that I would be letting people down at work and I have always earned my own money so relying on my husband is a whole new concept to me.

Going part time in my job is not an option and even if it was I don’t think it would help as I would end up doing a full time job in less days!

If I did quit then I know I would have lots to keep me busy as lots of my friends are off on maternity leave, my parents are retired and I would look to do volunteering to keep me busy!

I just don’t know what to do for the best but I also don’t want to regret not making this decision as I am 36 in a few months and I feel like this is my time to throw everything at our IVF. I do believe that being so stressed in my job is not helping things.

I would love to hear from ladies that have made a similar decision or considering it. xxx ❤️🌈🍀

[Autumnmoon]

I have not been in your situation but I would say if it is doable go for it! To reduce your stress may well help your IVF and you absolutely deserve a break x

[Kat_15 in reply to Autumnmoon]

Hello. Thank you for your message and sorry for my slow response. I have now talked to my boss about my treatment so I have decided I’m going to take time off for my next cycle as my work allows me paid time off but for subsequent cycles it will be unpaid leave. If my next cycle doesn’t work then I think I will then seriously consider taking a career break. Hope all is good with you. x

[Autumnmoon in reply to Kat_15]

Sending best wishes for success x

[Novice_knitter]

Hi Kat, I got lucky with my second ivf round but if I hadn’t, taking a career break for subsequent rounds was definitely something I was hoping to do. My job is also unpredictable stresses and people facing so not chance to take a back seat at all. I’d say go for it if you can, and try to enjoy every second of it, whatever happens with your ivf. Good luck with whatever you decide xxx

[Kat_15 in reply to Novice_knitter]

Hi ya. Thank you for your kind message and sorry for my slow response. I have now talked to my boss about my treatment so I have decided I’m going to take time off for my next cycle as my work allows me paid time off but for subsequent cycles it will be unpaid leave. If my next cycle doesn’t work then I think I will then seriously consider taking a career break. Hope all is going well with your pregnancy so far. xx

[Novice_knitter in reply to Kat_15]

Ah no worries at all - sounds like you’ve had a lot to this about. Hope you can move forwards to your next cycle soon hun xx

[LKT1]

I did it and no regrets. I wanted to make sure I was in a relaxed and calm state of mind. Also in case ivf didn’t work I wanted to look back and know we had done everything possible so we could have no regrets. Obviously everyone is in different circumstances but as long as you can cover the bills you can live without the extras then I’d go for it! It all worked out for us. Good luck whatever you decide to do xx

[Kat_15 in reply to LKT1]

Hi ya, thank you for your thoughtful message and sorry for my slow response. So glad to hear it helped for you taking time off with and many congrats on your BFP!

I have now talked to my boss about my treatment so I have decided I’m going to take time off for my next cycle as my work allows me paid time off but for subsequent cycles it will be unpaid leave. If my next cycle doesn’t work then I think I will then seriously consider taking a career break. xx

[LKT1 in reply to Kat_15]

Great news you can take the time off. Just do everything you can to ensure you are relaxed. Don’t give in to temptation and check emails etc. Iv got everything crossed for you xx

[Drives in reply to Kat_15]

That's great news that you can take some leave. I think if you can manage on one saray for a but go for it! I changed roles within my company as we started IVF and I 100% believe this helped with my cycle and subsequent BFP. It sounds like you have a stressful busy job so glad you can take the time to focus on your next cycle.

Wishing you all the very best 😘 x x

[Hidden]

My own experience tells me if it is doable go for it! My work is also very stressful and unpredictable (ICU nurse), so every cycle I did I tried to take at least 1or 2 weeks off work.

I'm 16w pregnant after my 3rd transfer. I can tell you I only went back to work when I was 9 weeks.

I had a miscarriage in my previous FET. And every time I think about it I can't help thinking it happened because I went back to work too soon.

Reducing your stress may help your IVF cycle. Whatever you choose GOOD LUCK!

[Kat_15 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lucy. Thank you for your kind message and sorry for my slow response. Many congrats on your pregnancy! If you don’t me asking how did you manage to get the time off until you were 9 weeks? Did you get signed off work?

I have now talked to my boss about my treatment so I have decided I’m going to take time off for my next cycle as my work allows me paid time off but for subsequent cycles it will be unpaid leave. If my next cycle doesn’t work then I think I will then seriously consider taking a career break. Hope all is good with you. xx

[Hidden in reply to Kat_15]

Hi Kat,

For my last FET I decided to take 3 weeks of paid annual leave. My transfer was on the 28th of May and I should be getting back to work on the 16th of June.

I started having spotting (like I did on my previous FET which ended up in a miscarriage) so I asked my fertility clinic to put me on sick leave. They gave 2 + 2 weeks. And that’s how I get time off until I was 9 weeks pregnant. I work in ICU as nurse. My work is very stressful and physically demanding. That’s why I asked them to put me on sick leave.

I went back to work and I had a major bleeding at 12 weeks. I found out one of the placentas was lying low and it was vital for me to rest. So my private OBGYN put me again on sick leave. I returned to work again at 16 weeks.

Everything is fine now, but my OBGYN says it’s too risky to keep working on the ICU, so since Monday I’m on sick leave again until the birth of my twins.

XX

[Jenny_]

Kat, I am 35 too and am pondering about the same thing. My problem is that my job forms large part of my identity. Even financially I can retire, I know I would be more stressed and unhappy if I do not have a full time paid work.

I have failed 2 IVFs and am on my third one. I have bad feeling it's going to fail again. I managed to book two week off for this cycle but some colleagues in work are not pleased. I simply do not want to work there any more.

However, my rational side tells me career is in my control and if I look after it, I will keep it and progress. IVF is outside of my control and no matter how much effort I put in, it may not succeed. My worry is if I give up my job and I still do not manage to have a baby, then, I won't be able to cope.

Reducing stress is desirable but I don't know how much it could contribute to success conceptions. Women even in the war zone are able to give birth to a child. I don't know if it's worth giving up your career while the benefit is so uncertain.

It's just my choice. I think I will still try to do IVF but I also want to keep my job.

[Kat_15 in reply to Jenny_]

Hi Jenny. Thank you for your message and sorry for the delay in getting back to you.

Sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation to me. I completely understand and share your worries. It’s so hard to know what to do for the best!

I have started face to face counselling recently and decided through talking it through that I will stay in my job for now as having spoken to my manager I can get paid time off for my next cycle but will need to take unpaid leave after that.

I think if my next cycle doesn’t work then I will seriously consider a career break.

I really hope your third cycle works. I’m rooting for you! x

[Jenny_ in reply to Kat_15]

No problem. I hope your next one works.

[WaywardGirl]

Would your employer give you unpaid leave or a sabbatical? Then you could still qualify for maternity pay, benefits etc if you are successful, which may be useful?

[Kat_15 in reply to WaywardGirl]

Hello, thank you for your message. Hello. Yes I have now talked to my boss about my treatment so I have decided I’m going to take time off for my next cycle as my work allows me paid time off but for subsequent cycles it will be unpaid leave. If my next cycle doesn’t work then I think I will then seriously consider taking a career break. Hope all is good with you. Sending you positive vibes. x

[Hidden]

Hey Kat,

I think we chatted about this awhile ago. I am literally in the same position - on the verge of quitting. Well, I did quit and then my boss said I could take three weeks off....then I got confused because he was so nice and flexible.

I feel the same as you. I really want some time out, but I am also scared I will become "obsessed" and I also don't want to give up work.

My partner has also agreed to pay my way - that also feels hard.

Yet, I think I am going to do it....I feel the same, I want to give this everything....and most of the time I am sat at work vacant, detached and not performing because I just want to keep doing IVF and it is all I can think about...

Well done for having pregnant friends and surviving..I think that would be the last straw for me....!

xx

[Kat_15 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Anna. Thank you for your kind message and sorry for my slow response.

I’m sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation. Sending you a big hug. 🤗How’s things now?

I have now talked to my boss about my treatment so I have decided I’m going to take time off for my next cycle as my work allows me paid time off but for subsequent cycles it will be unpaid leave. If my next cycle doesn’t work then I think I will then seriously consider taking a career break. xx

[Elynn]

My friend was in the same situation. She gave up work, initially struggled with boredom lack of work prestige but eventually found her groove and is the happiest lve ever known her. After a year of failed ivf she got pregnant naturally, now 20 weeks. So my vote is yes, do it. Isnt it true that no one on their death bed says l wish l had worked harder! Wishing you all the best.

[Kat_15 in reply to Elynn]

Hi Elynn. So true! ☺️ Thank for staying your friends experience. So glad to hear it either for her. I have now talked to my boss about my treatment so I have decided I’m going to take time off for my next cycle as my work allows me paid time off but for subsequent cycles it will be unpaid leave. If my next cycle doesn’t work then I think I will then seriously consider taking a career break. Hope all is good with you. x

[Dreamingofbaby]

Hey Kat. Sounds like u given it a lot of thought and sounds like a good option. Stress not nice or helpful so hopefully it may help. Would suggest if do decide to do that to maybe have some others focuses and structure I.e voluntary work or something not stressful but good other focus. As sure going from a busy job to not be tough too. Best wishes with it all hun. U deserve some good fortune and luck so hope it comes for u. Xx

[Kat_15 in reply to Dreamingofbaby]

Hi ya, thank you for your kind message as always. I have now talked to my boss about my treatment so I have decided I’m going to take time off for my next cycle as my work allows me paid time off but for subsequent cycles it will be unpaid leave. If my next cycle doesn’t work then I think I will then seriously consider taking a career break. Xx

[Kempton]

I left my job and it wasn't an easy decision to make but in the end I'm so glad I did because it gave me some time to focus on myself and I did eventually get pregnant.

I can totally relate to your feelings, being independent, having your own money, doing a role that is yours. And I won't lie, it has been difficult being dependent on my hubby's income. I did return to work once pregnant, but a much lower key role and with a lot less money involved! It's not ideal relying on one income but can be done and at the end of the day I'd rather be absolutely skint with my beautiful little family than loaded and childless!

If your partner supports you in this decision, go for it. It does help to focus on yourself... not necessarily to obsess about fertility treatment, but you've said you have a lot of people and things to occupy you. Regardless of the fertility side of things, "me time" is essential for a healthy existence. It can only help.

Wishing you all the best

[Kat_15 in reply to Kempton]

Hi ya, thank you for your kind message and for sharing your experience. I’m so glad to hear it worked for you.

I have now talked to my boss about my treatment so I have decided I’m going to take time off for my next cycle as my work allows me paid time off but for subsequent cycles it will be unpaid leave. If my next cycle doesn’t work then I think I will then seriously consider taking a career break. Hope all is good with you. xx

[Kempton]

Hope you have lots of success!

[Kat_15 in reply to Kempton]

Aww, thank you. 🤞