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Fertility Network UK
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Giving up work in favour of IVF

Afternoon all,

Just wondered if many people had given up work in favour of focusing on IVF / fertility treatments? There are times when I find juggling the 2 very difficult indeed with both stress levels and the logistics of all the appointments etc. Obviously this wouldn't be an ideal situation because of finances but wondering if it's better for the mental health in the long run. Anxiety levels are capable of running very high indeed!

Any experiences / thoughts, as always, are much appreciated.

x

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Hi Hifer, it’s a tough one as you want to give ivf the best chance of success possible. I did not quit my job but did decline a job offer of my dream job essentially. My current job offers me a lot of flexibility and working from home. I needed this the week after egg collection for example, or to attend the very frequent appointments. And now that I am pregnant to avoid rush hour etc.

At the same time keeping the job was very important for me so I didn’t overthink constantly about ivf. It kept me focused and even sane if I am honest.

Good luck with your decision and this ivf journey, this is the most important thing now whatever you decide 🍀

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Hey there thanks a lot for the message. Did you feel like you needed a week off work after egg collection then? I’m really worried about how my body is going to react to IVF and how much time I’m going to need off work (my body hates all medical intervention including drugs etc!) I get what you mean about keeping focused but I think my job is just adding to the stress at the mo! Xx

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I felt ok on the egg collection day, probably thanks to the drugs. But the 5-6 following days I felt really bloated and uncomfortable, spent the week home with paracetamol, a hot water bottle and Netflix. It’s not the same for everybody, for me it wasn’t too painful but still I was unable to be in the office.

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I would be very interested in people’s opinions on this. I am finding the impact IVF is having on my work quite stressful. Especially since (in my case) it keeps failing 😔 6 people at my work know, including my two main bosses and line manager 😔 I am wondering about cutting my hours but don’t know if we can afford to. My husband isn’t keen on me cutting my hours as we have only been married 2 years xxxxx

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It’s so hard isn’t it?! I do believe that you have to do the best thing for your mental health which is why I’m seriously considering it. Obviously it would be a massive hit to our finances but I think the long term benefits would be worth it. I wonder if you could just cut your hours by a day and see how that helps? You can save money in other ways maybe?! Xx

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I considering going off work with stress.

I am really struggling. My husband says it’s the best thing to do. I had 4 weeks off when we first found out the route of our problem and muddled through since.

Workload is getting worse despite my boss knowing my situation.

So I’m going see what I feel when we start. Also I am thinking negatively here but if it’s a BFN then il be worse then so do I wait until I get the results?

If you have a Drs note you can still be paid. X

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I really feel for you. I’ve been struggling too. My boss knows too! Hasn’t made any difference. Definitely keep on top of how you feel when you start and take some time off if you need. I’m also worried about getting a bfn too and dealing with that. Thanks for replying x

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I won’t feel guilty about going off. They certainly don’t feel guilty putting on me x

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No likewise! X

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I haven’t given up work but I’ve taken a massive step backwards career wise and now do a very simple job and only 3 days a week. Sometimes that makes me sad but trying to manage multiple IVF treatments and miscarriage in my old job would have been impossible. You have to do what is right for you and remember it is not forever. Xx

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Totally agree with you. I’d love to go part time but I know I wouldn’t be allowed to in my job. Glad you managed to find a solution for you, well done. I definitely wouldn’t be sad as like you say it won’t last forever. Xx

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I am also finding work extremely stressful, and really want to quit but also worried about finances as we are self-funding.

I also worry that if I give up my job and focus on this 100% and it doesn’t work - will I feel worse? I thought it through and actually decided that at least I would have given this my all so I am also inclined to leave my job. I am exploring those options now.

Perhaps reduce hours or go part time? Or quit and get something part time just to keep your mind focused on something else?

Xx

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We’re self funding too. I can’t go part time in my job sadly so I’d have to change jobs. You’re right I might find something else though. Please keep me posted on what you decide to do xx

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I have kept up with a high stress job, I did manage to get a BFP but consequently had a MC - not work related though.

It was important for me to have an 'other' life outside of IVF, otherwise I would spend the whole time obsessing and it would become all consuming which worried me if it wasn't successful would I go bonkers.

Ironically I know of someone who had unexplained infertility, gave up work and minimised stress as part of TTC and consequently IVF but had endless failed rounds. In the end they agreed to give up on children completely and she got a ridiculously stressful job and immediately fell pregnant!

My consultant always said work stress wasnt enough to prevent a successful round, but like SConnor I can work from home occassionally which helped with EC/ET days etc.

Ironically now I am contemplating a potential childless future the first thing I am thinking is change my job and having an easier life. Weird.

Good luck with it all - you will make the right decision for you xx

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Sorry to hear what seems to be happening with you. Thanks for responding. I have quite a stressful boss which I’m finding really upsetting and is not helping. It’s not really the job to be honest! Need to give it all some serious thought xx

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My husband wants me to give up work for a while such a difficult situation. I worry if I give up work then I will be more stressed paying bills etc xx

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Thanks for the reply. I feel like I could really tighten my belt in other areas. Not quite sure how much but things like food shopping (fruit and veg is sooo much cheaper at the local market), going out, trimming bills etc. I wonder if it would be enough but perhaps worth giving is a go??! Good luck with your decision too xx

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I went to four days a week and stopped trying to get better more stressful jobs at other places because where I work now is easy, flexible hours and I work at home. I know that was the best decision for me. When my first cycle failed I panicked I had not pushed myself enough career wise in that year and panic-applied for a few jobs, but then when I really thought about it and started a second round, I really appreciated the low stress job I have.

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That sounds like a very sensible decision for you. I would certainly love to be able to work from home. Low stress is so much more important than career progression in this instance I think so you def made the right choice xx

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I left my job after a failed transfer. I just couldn't cope with the grief and the work pressure at the same time. Several months later I successfully got pregnant after a FET (had a new lower key job at this point) and so I do think it worked out best for me.

I ended up back in a similar pressured job towards my last trimester but something in my mind had shifted. I knew my pregnancy was way more important and so I dealt with the pressure a lot better - nothing was going to allow me to get stressed enough to jeopardise my pregnancy!

I've not been back to work since. Baby is a year old and I'm expecting another (conceived naturally - a miracle, or maybe I just needed to get out of the stress!). Now it looks like I won't be back in work until 2020! It's definitely a struggle but if you have a partner who is willing to support you through all this, I'd say take the time off work. Focus on yourself and your future family!

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What an amazing story you have there! Congratulations on all fronts 😊. Thanks so much for your feedback. That’s really great to know. The more I think about it, the more I want to leave!! Xx

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It is pretty amazing I suppose but I do worry about my employability after I've had a year off with my second. We've already agreed I won't be able to stay off beyond that. I just hope my prior experience withholds the test of time!

Do what you feel in your heart is best. I'm assuming your partner is supportive of what you're considering? It's such a hard one as I ended up sacrificing any maternity pay but I have the family I always dreamed of and it's growing. So I reckon I won :)

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You have definitely won 😀. I wouldn’t worry about your year off. You won’t/ shouldn’t get penalised for taking time off to have a family. I work in HR and see CV’s all the time! Yes my fiancée is supportive which is a massive help. Xx

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Good luck with it all. Hope you get your happy ending! :)

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Thank you 😊

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Hi there, I went part time in my job when I started started my second cycle of IVF. I managed appts on my first cycle with using holiday but when it came to my second, I wanted to put my all into the IVF and had ran out of annual leave. I had to commute an hour to and from work, it was a stressful local authority legal job where I did many more hours (which I wasn't paid for) than my contracted hours. Going part time definitely helped me mentally and also helped with appts. The days I did work, I was able to throw myself in to my work to take my mind off things. I didn't tell my employers my reasons for going part time but they supported me doing so as they didn't want me to leave althougher. Although I have now subsequently stopped working completely which made my third cycle a breeze with appts and I was able to take up running. Have you thought about part time work as opposed to completely stopping? xx

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Thank you so much for the response. How did your third cycle go if you don’t mind me asking? Yes I def have thought about part time. Unfortunately I wouldn’t be allowed to do my current role part time but have thought about moving jobs (although not preferable). Glad you found a solution for you xx

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It was a disaster, only one egg collected which fertilised, didn't divide by the following day, then by day 3 was 8 cells and then at day 5 was advised not to transfer it because it hadn't done any more. So no transfer which was disappointing. It's a shame your employers won't allow you to do your current role part time. Good luck with your decision, it is a hard one to make xx

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Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. That must have been disappointing. Thank you for your support. I'm sure we will decide one way or the other! xx

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I have given up work from past 10 months and this is the best decision I have taken in this aspect. My job is very demanding and stressful with occasional travel. Now after going through 2 egg retrievals and 1 cycle stopped in between due to low estradiol I realize I can never do this working. It takes around 2/3 hours for scans, injections and travel to office which I cant afford at work. I was lucky as my company was supportive as they allowed me to go on sabbatical but my job is secured so I can get back within 1 year. Of course I was not paid during this period and tough with expenses but I believe I have given 100 % to the treatment with proper diet, exercise and being relaxed and happy.

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Gosh a sabbatical would be lovely. The best of both worlds. Suspect that won’t be an option for me sadly. So good you can take some time out to focus on you though x

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I was still working on some consulting projects to keep small money coming in.. and keeping myself busy .. So look for options ..

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Yep I’m definitely looking at temp/ part time work. Thank you 😊

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I’m definitely considering reducing my hours. The stress has been too much recently. But yes it will be a financial hit.

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It would be really interesting to know what you decide to do. Good luck xx

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I work in a secondary school, and don't have flexi time or annual leave.

We have just finished our first cycle of IVF.

At first, I was putting in leave of absence requests for appointments, but as the appointments frequently changed from one day to the next, depending on blood test results, it became increasingly difficult to manage.

I also felt that having to explain such a personal process to HR quite intrusive.

Three days into treatment, I saw my GP who signed me off for 10 days, which took me up to the Easter holidays.

My egg collection and embryo transfer fell within the holidays.

My official test day was today. I phoned in sick and will return tomorrow.

I did feel guilty being off work, and not actually being 'ill', but looking back, I don't know how I could have continued working and juggling appointments.

On top of that, I was so tense and irritable throughout that I was worried I could have blown my top at a student/colleague!

Good luck with whatever you decide. For me, I didn't want to look back and think that I could have tried any harder. Taking time to put myself first for once was a big help in coping with what is a tough time.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to reply in light of your post I’ve just read. I’m so sorry for your negative result today. Thoughts are def with you. Well done for still thinking of the positives though. What a positive person you are! Thanks for sharing your story. That’s the prob with these appointments- they always seem to be shifting! You def don’t need to feel guilty for taking time off. Like you say, you had to put yourself first which is kind of the place I’m at to be honest. All the best going forwards xx

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Thanks so much x

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I am so sorry about your negative result. Don’t feel guilty about being on leave cos you were not sick, you were indeed on medical treatment, very demanding physically and mentally

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It’s a really good question and such a tough decision to make. I absolutely hated my stressful job and had been hanging in for maternity pay which just never happened. After our 3rd failed round we made the decision to leave and look for something that I’d enjoy - unfortunately it took almost 6-months to find another job, during which time, I was out of work.

During that time, we had our 4th round and to be honest the appointments, emotional days and being able to keep treatment a secret was much easier. The TWW however was the longest yet as I had nothing else to focus on. Whilst it had its benefits, the money side of things and applying for roles became quite stressful. Good luck with everything and do what you both feel is right x

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That’s exactly why I’ve stayed- for the maternity cover which has never happened!! Yes the 2ww is just the most hideous challenge sent to try us all/ send us mad! I just want to give IVF my all and don’t feel like staying in my job would be doing that. Good luck to you too xx

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I think it depends on how much you enjoy your job and how flexible/ supportive work is around appointments and understanding with sick days.

My job is stressful and sometimes I have found work an added stress and responsibility when I am craving a duvet day!

But my colleagues are supportive and I think on balance work has kept me sane. It’s nice to have something else to think about and also do something you have a bit more control over..

Definitely arguments on both sides..

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Hey there, thanks for the response. My boss is quite stressful (it's not really the job to be honest). She makes me so so anxious though. Def agree re something else to think about though. Really helps having supportive colleagues though I agree. x

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HIya, I juggled my annual leave so I was able to take 5 weeks off work while going through our first cycle. I work in a high stressed, sometimes dangerous job with unsociable hours and I was so glad that I was off to focus on the treatment. Plus I didn't always feel so good so it was nice to be able to chill on the sofa.

However Ive now used up all my annual leave so I wont be able to take off work the next time when we have our FET soon, and to be honest the thought of juggling work and appointments is stressing me. but unfortunately leaving my job isn't an option.

If its a feasible option for you and you think it would help then go for it, I suppose its a very personal choice depending on peoples circumstances xo

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Yes it definitely is a personal choice. I used so much of my holiday for appointments last year and really resented it! Sounds like you definitely needed to take some time off with your job! Which parts of your IVF made you feel the worst if you don't mind me asking? Could you perhaps have sick leave whilst you do your next FET? xx

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Towards the end of my stims I was pretty miserable but that's because I was overstimulating so I was very bloated and sore. Other than that I was just pretty hormonal throughout lol..

I'm only able to take sick after implantation according to the policy but I'll work it out when it comes up..

Are you having treatment at the minute? Xo

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I have my follow up appointment in about an hour and then may be starting meds as soon as Friday if all goes well as that would be in line with my cycle. Am concerned about taking drugs as my body generally doesn't react well to them (I normally get every side effect under the sun) so am expecting to not feel great during IVF! That plus work doesn't feel like a good combo!! xx

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Well if you're too unwell I suppose you can always take it as sick if need be... But here's hoping you feel OK.. Best of luck xo

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Thank you x

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Hi hifer

I took 5 months sabbatical after my 4th failed. I, like you, felt I was doing neither justice. It really allowed me to de-stress. Following that we had our very first ever bfp (sadly it was anembryonic). We finally knew it was possible. I did counselling, mindfulness, kinesiology, acupuncture and reset my stress levels. When I went back to work it was so much more enjoyable. And I had more determination. 5 months back into work we did our 6th transfer (3rd with donor eggs) and I am now 29 weeks pregnant.

I would definitely recommend it if you can. And even better if you can do as a sabbatical xxx

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I have followed your journey and know that you managed to take some time off and am so completely delighted that you're now 29 weeks pregnant too after all you have been through. Did you go back full time to work? You obviously felt that all you undertook in your time off completely prepared you to go back... Wishing you all the very best in your pregnancy. xx

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Yes, I returned full time. I had been doing 4 days a week for the 3 months prior to asking for the time off. After round 4 failure (1st with donor egg) I just knew I couldn't carry on, and giving up was not an option. Speak with your company, you may be surprised xx

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Sadly I manage HR (so know what's poss with other staff etc) and my boss is a Director and has already told me I can't do my job part time. So pleased it worked out for you. xx

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Hi, I had to step down from my job because it was physically and mentally demanding. My bosses were kind enough to give me the option to work part time/ reduced hours but even that proved difficult with the way things chop and change as they hardly go to plan on this journey. This is our first round so we wanted to focus on this without compromise especially because I already have some preexisting health issues. I wish you all the best on your journey xx

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Thank you for your reply. Yes I'm worried that I will always think I should have done more if I stay in my job. That's the problem isn't it?! It's so hard to plan around IVF! I wish you all the best for your round too xx

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Hi, I quit my job and did some part time work instead on a daily basis (when I wanted to work). No regrets. After many failed ivfs, and begging for time off for apts, scans, transfers and everything else it was becoming too much. I also felt (although I loved my job) I was just working for another failed ivf. After leaving, my health improved and I'm now pregnant and don't regret the rushing around, early starts, stress and poor diet I had before - not intentionally, but the canteen only really served gluten and pasta with everything. Turns out I'm gluten free. No regrets ... I can concentrate on the pregnancy and myself. I spent so long in the job, now I figure it's my time. If it had failed, I could always have chosen to go back to the same line of work at some point. Wishing you all the best x

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Wow that definitely sounds like the right decision for you!! Thanks for your input. I agree that if I leave I can always return if needed and would have to get some part time work anyway as I wouldn't be able to give up completely. I am also worried about how I will feel if we fail and I feel like I didn't do enough!xx

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Yeah, we got to the point where although we tried everything, the one constant thing was still my job and the workload was getting heavier with people leaving. I would have kicked myself for putting job and work before trying again. Don't get me wrong, I didn't get preg/ have ivf straight away but it took the pressure off trying to get start dates and fit things around something that wasn't really important. I figured if it failed, I could tell myself I did everything I could. x

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Totally understand xx

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It’s a difficult choice & ultimately you must do whatever feels right for you.

I didn’t have IVF but if I had I would’ve struggled to fit appointments with work. I work in a school so would’ve had to have done it during school holidays. My business manager wasn’t great about hospital appointments ( I had a few) or my surgeries for my endometriosis ( she put pressure on me to have it in the holidays ) like I could dictate to the NHS 🙄 my colleagues were great tho & I’m glad I stayed at work & I can claim maternity allowance ( I finished at Easter) financially we couldn’t survive on my hubbys salary alone even tho he earns well. I think going to work when TTC gave me some sense of normality & was a good distraction from it all. If I’d been at home 24/7 I would’ve gone mad!!! I only worked part time which I guess helped.

Perhaps as others have suggested you could get your GP to sign you off work whilst undergoing ivf? Or work you from home ( if possible) ?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do xoxo

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So pleased it worked out for you. It's so hard when there are so many appointments to go to!! Yes I'm definitely steering towards part time I think but not in my current job. I wouldn't be allowed to work from home for a long period of time sadly. Or I would think about getting signed off, yes. Thanks for the advice and wishing you all the best in your pregnancy. xx

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Thank you. I’m still shocked it happened for us!!!

Do what is best for you 🙂I’m sure everything will work out okay, things have a tendency to sort themselves out 🙂

Wishing you the best & sure your BFP is waiting just around the corner. ✨✨✨ xoxo

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Thank you. I hope so too!!xx

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I did after 2 failed attempts. Best thing I ever did! I got pregnant on my 4th and 5th goes and am now the proud owner of 3 beautiful boys.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

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Amazing. Many congrats to you. So pleased that worked out so well :-)xx

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I’ve been thinking the exact same. My (male) boss sounds just like yours and the workload and stress levels are high. We are doing our 3rd cycle at the minute and I’ll have 2 weeks off for egg collection and recovery. With the previous cycles I went back to work after just over a week and whilst it was good at taking my mind off IVF (I was getting bored), this time I’m taking the full 2 weeks as my boss is a bit of a psycho and I’m not risking the stress.

If this cycle doesn’t work I’m considering changing my hours as a starting point - moving to compressed hours so I’m only in the office 4 days a week (I work in local government and rack up unpaid extra overtime for fun, but I’m in management so also not possible to do my job part time). But like you I’ve considered leaving to focus on IVF (and staying for the maternity pay) and I haven’t ruled it out but we would need to remortgage and rationalise our finances first. My workplace doesn’t have an IVF policy either so I’m taking holidays and TOIL to go to appointments. I know how you are feeling. Trust your instincts.

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Thanks a lot for your input. Yes that situation sounds very like mine! Gosh have I totally underestimated recovery time after egg collection?! I didn’t realise it could take a week (I understand you are taking 2 weeks this time round). I hadn’t factored that in at all. Exactly my boss is a bit of a psycho too (the exact word I would use for her to be honest!) I never know where I stand and it’s exhausting and stressful and unnerving.

It sounds for you that 4 days could be a good start?! No we don’t have an IVF policy either so I’m getting away with going to some appointments as medical appointments and some as holiday etc and mixing it up! Last year I took it all as holiday and really resented it.

I wish you all the very best with what you decide. Tough decision. Please keep me posted xx

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Interesting post. I had a change of career due to illness before ivf and now work 3 days a week. It’s been much easier to cope with appointments and taking days off I couldn’t have worked full time anyway as the clinic I’m with you have to go in every day.

But As others have mentioned - my job gives me so much back as something else to focus on and colleagues to talk to. Also I love what I do which helps.

When I was ill and couldn’t work at all I felt very isolated and depressed.

Wishing you the best x

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Thank you. Yes that's interesting. I know others who have had to go to their clinic every day which surely must make it impossible to have a full time job. I understand re having something to focus on though. Thanks a lot for your input and hope you are all better now.xx

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No don’t worry you don’t need that long. First time I was bloated and uncomfortable with trapped wind (painful) but could have gone back after 3 days off. Second time I could have gone back after a day it was really different and a lot easier. I just find it easier being off to take calls and be ready to go for transfer. I also didn’t want the stress of work affecting possible implantation. Good luck x

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Ok great thanks. Have an appointment with the nurse tomorrow and am really keen to know timescales so I know when I will need to be off x

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Like @SConnor I gave up dream job offer in favour of dream addition to family! I’m sure you’ll get many different opinions on this but my advice is to try and carry on life as normally as possible. My last cycle, I adopted the “don’t let IVF rule my life” phrase and worked and went to events and was injecting on trains and all kinds of places. I think you need to take the time off after egg collection, 1-2 days maybe. And in the 2ww you may want to take that off, or just parts of it, or work from home if you felt you could? All the bits running up to it; work won’t hinder - just let the drugs do their job. I managed to stay off work for first week of last cycles 2ww then committed myself to gentle days at work and my boss knew everything. Can you do reduced hours or lighter workloads? x

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Thank you so much for your advice. I'm also so happy that it's worked out for you, many congrats. At my clinic they don't do egg collection and FET in the same cycle so I've got a little bit of time to work out how to manage the 2ww which will be in June. There is a possibility of doing reduced hours during the 2ww possibly - would have to speak to my boss but it's a maybe. I don't think I would want to take it all as hols as if it doesn't work and I've wasted 10 days of holiday I will be even more upset! I wonder, if, like you, I could take 5 days though. Thanks a lot for your input, much appreciated. xx

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When does your annual leave allowance start again? Could you carry some over if it starts between now and June? x

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In Jan. I do have some holiday but just didn't want to take it ALL for IVF. We would quite like a holiday at some stage too (which we will also need if it doesn't work!) We've had to assign a fair number of holidays for 40th's and weddings this year (others not ours) and we'd just like a bit of time for ourselves that is not related to fertility if you know what I mean?! This whole journey has consumed our whole lives and we've even stopped going on holiday together to save money / holiday! x

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Hi Hifer,

I gave up work in December after 13 years in the same company. I knew the role wasn’t right for me any more but felt I had to stay due to the IVF and hope of getting my maternity pay. It cause me a lot of stress constantly worrying about it.

Leaving is definitely the best decision I’ve made- since then I have amazingly got pregnant naturally twice. Unfortunately we had a missed miscarriage in February but now I’m 7 weeks pregnant again and hoping everything goes ok this time.

I’ve been working with a career coach to figure out what I want to do with my career and am going to start to train as a coach next month- which means I can start my own business and have a more flexible work life balance.

I toyed with the idea of leaving for almost 6 months but finally made the decision to leave when I couldn’t take it any more- and I just knew it was the right thing to do.

I really hope you find the right solution for your situation, I’m happy for you to message me if you need any more advice. Take care x

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Thanks so much for your message and great to hear your story. So sorry for the miscarriage but so so exciting that you are now 7 weeks pregnant! Congratulations. Wishing you ALL the very best for your pregnancy and I'm sure you will keep us all updated. Yes a career coach is an excellent idea and I'm considering that myself. Really pleased that you have found a new direction for you that sounds really constructive and will definitely allow for a more flexible lifestyle. xx

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It really depends on your type of work and how you feel you will manage so very personal. For me although ivf is stressful it does all go by so quickly and it wasn’t worth giving my career up for. I’m also on my third ivf, so how long is a piece of string and how much of yourself are you prepared to devote to it?

Of course every circumstance is different, I just used my holidays where I could and I didn’t take anytime off for transfer and egg collection, only literally the day itself.

If I was at home all the time, I think I would have gone mad and financially we wouldn’t be able to cope with the IVF cost.

Best of luck

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Thanks so much for your input. Really interesting to hear everyone's point of view. Wishing you the best too. x

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Hi,

I did give up my very stressful job, I wanted to give IVF every chance and I didn’t want a nagging doubt that the job and stress prevented it working. I had saved for years so was able to support myself.

Our first failed and then we got pregnant but I miscarried, not having work pressure really helped at that time but with hindsight I wouldn’t have given up my job, I would have found another job, maybe part time, the main reason’s would have been to give me a bit of structure, routine & purpose so the IVF didn’t consume me like it did. I lost lots of confidence and didn’t want to see anyone. I let it define who I was (and wasn’t) and it’s taken me a long time to pull myself out of the place. I left my career for a family and ended up with neither. A job would have helped me feel a bit more normal and could have prevented me from spiralling into a dark place.

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Thank you so much for sharing such a very personal story. I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. I am mindful of that happening to me too. It is a daily challenge to monitor my mental health on this journey. I think I would get some part time work and you've probably just confirmed that. I'm also mindful of leaving work and also not ending up with a baby. How are you doing now? xx

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I finished work in February. I work as a nurse and this is my second cycle of IVF. Last year I had a fresh transfer that didn’t work and a frozen transfer that miscarried at 6 weeks. Both times work was really busy and short staffed and although I had taken some time off for the egg collection and transfers it did keep playing on my mind that the stressful situation of work had affected things. In January work was horrendous again and just thought I had had enough and couldn’t face a second cycle like this. I handed my notice in,a bit on a whim and I think was a bit of a shock to my big boss (my immediate manager knew) who had no idea about the IVF and she offered me a six month career break. I was really shocked as didn’t realise would be an option.

I am glad to be off as feel I want to know have given it my best shot and I had 4 day 5 embryos after this collection which is much better than last time. Unfortunately the first transfer failed 3 weeks ago and have found it hard being at home as really dwelling on things. Although am sure would be finding hard if at work too. I think am so used to being really busy and didn’t realise how much I used work as a distraction. Finding this time more emotional but probably a good thing as able to look for better coping strategies. Hopefully this will help when I go back to work.

I am glad I took the time off but am finding it harder than I thought some days being at home on my own.

Good luck with everything x x

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Bless you for asking, it’s a bit of a struggle, I still really want a family, my best option is probably egg donation but I am thinking about surrogacy too and I am not getting any younger but I have endometriosis and I parked dealing with that as the IVF bypassed it (in theory!, I think it made it worse!) so have been trying to sort that out. Work wise I am not in a job that matches my experience or ability (or pay grade) so that can be demotivating but health is the priority.

Hope it all works out for you,

Jx

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Hi, I decided to go off sick from the start of the day 8 scans / bloods. I wanted to really focus on myself and not worry about going into work, I’m a nurse in the nhs so lucky to have a good sickness policy which pays me in full so can fully understand why money can be an issue to others. I recently got my bfp and my GP has signed me off until our first scan when I will be almost 9 weeks - purely as I don’t want any unnecessary stress until I know everything is ok. Also I didn’t want all the “has it worked” questions from colleagues. All together I will be off sick for 8 weeks and go back on light duties/phased return. This might be our only chance of having a baby and at the end of the day a jobs a job xx

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Amazing on your BFP - many many congrats. I would worry so much whilst being off sick I think, which is the only problem!! I agree it might be our only chance too and don't want to jeopardise that by being at work unnecessarily! Hoping everything goes really well for you in your pregnancy xx

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Thank you! I agree that’s the only down side I’m constantly googling and worrying but i find if I plan to do something every day like see a friend or watch a film it really takes my mind off it. Plus I would probably just be googling at work aswell ! X

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Actually I meant I would be worrying about work whilst off sick! I could definitely fill my days I think! Although google is a total nightmare for self diagnosing /stressing you out as we all know!!x

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Hi Hifer, I have just gone part time as I really struggled coping with the stress of both. It has already made a huge difference to my mental health and I've also told work why so I can honestly say now why I need time off when I'm in a cycle which also really takes pressure off. The financial aspect really isn't great but it's worth it for the peace of mind x

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Amazing. Well done and so pleased it has had a positive effect on your piece of mind. So good to hear. xx

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