Telling people

[Judy18]

Hello. I am looking for some advice in relation to telling a friend. I had a really close friend (told her everything, comes on holiday with the family, helped through breakups etc.) A true bestie. Things started to get a bit weird when i got married last year. She would snap at me all of the time, get angry over silly things and it got to the point where it felt I couldn’t say anything. Tried to raise it with her but didn’t really work. Other friends and my mum have said she has an issue with me getting married (with my now husband for over 3 years so now a whirlwind). Some others have suggested she may have more than friend feelings but I don’t know. Anyway, i have told a couple of friends about the fertility issues and it helped as they have been amazing. However I don’t feel i can say anything to my other friend as I don’t know how she will react. She knows something is going on as i had some time off work (and we work together). I said I didn’t want to talk about it but she just keeps asking. I don’t feel like i have enough in me to deal with it if she gets upset. Anyone else had this? Any advise would be appreciated xxx

[Dream76]

I thing you shouldn’t tell her. Moreover you have to look at the fact when she has an issue with you getting married.

If at all she is not happy with your marriage, and if she come to know about the fertility issue, she might use this to make things worse for you and your husband.

From my personal experience I have stopped sharing my infertility issues bcoz I don’t like giving an opportunity to anyone to make it worst for me.

Remember, family comes first.

Good luck

[destiny121]

I agree with wise76... don’t tell her anything. She obviously has some issues and may use it against you xx

[kitscat]

I think I agree, don’t tell her.

If your gut is saying she will create a fuss then it is probably correct. Right now you need as little hassle as possible. Stay strong and keep saying you don’t want to talk about it and eventually she will stop asking her.

It’s a privilege to be confided in by someone, not a necessity just because she was once a close friend. Xx

[Hope25]

Hi Judy,

it's a difficult situation Were you TTC before you got married? Just wondering if her issues are down to her knowing there is something that your not telling her. Is her behaviour because she is aware that there is something going on that your other friends seem to know but not her? (Playing devils advocate If not and this behaviour seems to stem from the wedding and your friendship is not in the best play then I dont think telling her is going to help. You need all the support you can get but if she isnt supportive at the moment then you cant trust that she will be supportive once you tell her.

[Judy18 in reply to Hope25]

No, we weren’t trying before the wedding and didn’t tell anybody we were trying. It was only when we found out there was an issue that we told my mum and a couple of friends. She doesn’t know that anybody else knows either. Thank you for the advice as i felt bad not saying anything but don’t think i will get the support i need xx

[Hope25 in reply to Judy18]

It's hard for friends and family to know what to say and how to support - my best friend knows and she was brilliant but she doesn't know what to say anymore. Its really hard on friendships If you ever need to talk please feel free to msg.

[Rella22]

Judy a true friend would not act out that way and rather would express her true concerns, if any, to you. She could, intentionally or unintentionally, use this piece of information to continue her antics and/or jeopardize your relationship at work and at home.

I suggest talking to her about what’s bothering her. It might resolve tension and actually identify what has been bothering her. Perhaps say, “I feel like we’ve been distant lately. Wondering if anything is on your mind...”

But ultimately this is a delicate process and you need positive people and energy around you!

Hope things settle down for you.

Best wishes ❤️