So my official dating scan is today at 14:45pm, I purposely worked a 13 hour shift yesterday (which is normal for me, however I picked it up to pass the day as I knew it would drag), as I was getting excited to leave I felt like I had peed a little.. I went to the toilet and there was a little bit of red blood. I tried to remain calm as I know that it's no good stressing about these things because the worry wont change a bad outcome. I got home, and after 10-15 I was gushing with blood. No clots, possibly mild cramps however that could have been from working a 13 hour shift in healthcare 🤷♀️. I decided to ring 111 as I was concerned with the pattern of bleeding (it was coming in waves, stopping then gushing) and because of the amount I was losing, (anyone remember there first bleed after taking provera?). So they advised I attended A&E, which i did. 4 hours of waiting to see the DR, and because my blood pressure, pulse, temp etc. They said they wouldn't do anything now the bleeding had slowed Nd sent me home. So after being awake for 24 hours I finally got home. I have a fetal doppler, that I bought because I wanted a recording of their heartbeat and decided to get it out, I found baby's heartbeat still sounding good and strong (yes I know it's not advised to have your own dr, and would never use it instead of seeking medical advise, which I didn't). The heart beat is still nice and strong this morning and the bleeding is lighter, however it's now constant. I was so excited when I reached 13 weeks on Friday. The dreaded first trimester was over, now I'm sar here, the day dragging panicking about what we may see on our ultrasound today. Are we having a repeat of last year where baby's heart continued to beat for nearly 2 weeks after they stopped growing? Is it a haematoma which has ruptured and hopefully is righting itself? I have never been so anxious yet calm in my life. Baby does not need my added stress, my stress is not what is important right now. All I can think of of is my favourite picture from a scan we had at 9w6d, where the baby was waking and kicking and moving around like crazy, and my favourite sound, the sound of love to my ears of their beautiful, strong little heartbeat. I'd finally bought some baby stuff, because Saturday I had my realisation moment, that this is happening and this baby is coming after Christmas.. what a kick in the heart 24 hours later when this all began..
I just wanted a rant, and I've shared my journey with so many of you ladies who know how it feels to also experience loss, it's hard to explain to people who been fortunate not to experience either difficulty getting pregnant and/or difficulty staying pregnant.
Hope you are all well, lots of love xxx