Rock bottom AGAIN!

[PurpleLove19]

I don’t know if this is fertility related but I’ve done a lot of venting off on here about managing the struggles of infertility whilst holding down a full time demanding job!

I’ve also vented off about the lack of thought and consideration I’ve had from my boss so I won’t go into much detail.

I was signed off at the beginning of November last year when we found out that we couldn’t have children naturally. When I returned I focused on my mental health and become strong, focused and got my body to very healthy weight through eating and exercise.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been on countdown to the summer- more because I’m just so tired like most teachers in the summer term. Working lots of weekends and late nights to get those reports written. But over the last few weeks I’ve felt quite and I don’t want to use he word harassed ,but that’s how it’s felt, by my boss.

It’s slowly chipped away and away to a point where the doctor has taken the decision out of my hands and has had to sign me off until the summer holidays. As nice as it sounds- an extra two weeks off, this is not what I wanted. I wanted to see the school year out on a positive and continue to focus on starting treatment.

As it stands, I’m in a worse state than I was 9 months ago. My body would not be ready for treatment as I’ve lost more weight through stress. I aren’t eating at all because of the anxiety I have. The doctors would not prescribe me any anti- depressants because of starting treatment but on this occasion the doctor has had to. I’m devastated. I feel like I’ve taken 100 steps back and it’s going to take a long time to get my body back to being what it was especially now I’ve got to take this medication.

Does anyone know about taking medication whilst starting IVF? How long it takes to come out your system?

I’m so upset and angry that this person has done this to me! Coming home from work in tears, not eating with my husband and working late has had an impact on him too. He’s struggled to see me in such a state and not being able to help me.

I don’t know how people can treat others like this? Knowing what they know, not asking how things are going, not dealing with situations compassionately with no consideration what’s so ever!

It really makes me question that staying in a place whilst going through treatment and even a pregnancy is going to the best thing.

It would be so easy to just find a new job but what employer wants someone when they are venturing out into the world of IVF? Would I have my entitlements of appointments and maternity pay? I just don’t know.

My close colleagues have been my support and it’s just a shame all this distress is from one person.

[chickp]

I’m sorry you’re going through this! I’m a teacher too and completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m not going to tell you that no job is worth sacrificing your mental health because we all know that but it’s not that simple unfortunately!

Education is under pressure even more than usual at the moment with budget cuts and targets etc. While my boss says he is supportive he has also caused me a lot of stress while going through treatment. If you do choose to move schools, check with your union about your entitlements. I know that if you move from an academy your length of service entitlements including maternity pay don’t transfer with you. I’m a primary teacher on the upper pay scale and it would be virtually impossible for me to get another job at that level plus I’d lose all my entitlements so I’ve decided to just quit if nothing has happened by the end of next year. I will be 35 by then and I just can’t keep juggling it all while looking after other people’s children!

I’m afraid I don’t know about medication as my dr has always refused to prescribe any but counselling did help a bit. Maybe it would help you get your head back in the right place for your next cycle?

Take care xxx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to chickp]

Thanks for your reply. I always think when these people in high positions put on us it’s more about them than what we are doing wrong or right. It doesn’t make it okay though to make someone feel poorly

I am going to ring a counselling service and maybe ring my union too. I just have to do one thing at a time.

I haven’t even had one round IVF yet. My GP rang today though and it seems that it’s getting on the way for our funding. I will just have to wait and see what happens next.

I am hoping to sort this mess out at work next week and if nothing has changed by half term then I shall look at other places. X

[Crafti]

So sorry to hear that your boss has behaved this way. I’m also a teacher and have to say that the support of my boss was vital in getting me to where I am now. Summer hols are a great time to focus on you, your mental health and your body. I can’t give advice about medications but counselling should provide great support for the fertility and work issues. You are the most important person in your life and your health comes first. Take it one step at a time next school year and make a decision when you’re back to your best. Big hugs xxx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Crafti]

Thanks for your advice hun x

[Dream76]

I am so sorry you are going through this. For me at work it is the same. My boss finds some reason to bully me.

After coming home, I used to go to sleep ignoring everyone, which I know was not good.

Then my colleague suggested me to leave the work baggage at work and don’t take it home because it will impact on my health and my relationship and to be honest she was right as I was ignoring everything.

Finally I realised that this work stress is never ending so slowly I started leaving the stress at work and at home, I started appreciating the ‘free me’ at home.

It took me some time to change myself. Every morning, when I park my car at work, i talk to myself “its time to play chess”.

I do my work, very less interaction with boss and come back home. Switch the music on while driving back and don’t think about work at all.

No one should suffer like this. Don’t forget its your life and while planning one should be stress free. For us its the age factor as well. Don’t let the time go bcoz of one nasty person.

Good luck. Hope this helps.

[hannahding]

I am really sorry to know that you are going through soo much. Maintaining the job life and this can be really hard. I am sure many can relate. At times it becomes important to take a break from the stress. I know it's hard, however, I would say think on that. Talk to your partner about this as well. Hopefully, he will understand.

[Zebedee1971]

I'm a teacher too. I was lucky that my head was really supportive when I miscarried/went down ivf route (she'd had breast cancer and understood, and another teacher had ivf whilst at the school and ended up with twins- the head couldn't have been more delighted for her and happily let her go to appointments, there's always someone who can cover) . However I ended up leaving anyway (luckily had savings) to concentrate on ivf- I'm at home full time with occasional supply. As far as I understand, as long as you average £118 a week, you qualify for £148 a month maternity, if you work for 26 weeks prior to maternity leave. Supply pays about £130-£150 a day. Depends on your financial situation I guess, but I love supply. Schools assume all supplies are rubbish and incompetent, so you get left easy lessons and leave at 4pm every day exactly what people think teaching is anyway!!!!! I know financially this probably isn't an option for most but if you can make the sacrifice.. My partner always says 'you'll only get maternity pay if you have a baby.'

I used to work at a school similar to the one you describe... My friend at this school struggled with infertility for 4 years - lots of tests and everything came back normal, couldn't be explained--but I did tell her that school was probably the reason--too much stress. She left the job last year and ended up getting pregnant naturally 4 months later. Obviously every person is different and it's wrong to compare situations, but I honestly don't think any job is worth sacrificing your own physical or mental health. Who cares about this school? If you walk out tomorrow, they'll replace you quite easily.

I always said I don't want to spend my life teaching other people's kids and not have my own. If you can afford to, quit and do supply. If you can't, do look elsewhere. You really don't need to tell them you're having ivf when you apply. That's your business.

As for the injections etc. At first, it's one in morning and one at night, and I know people say you can get mood swings etc but I didn't. I felt absolutely fine. Its really not as bad as you think it'll be. I would even go as far to say I've enjoyed the experience, feels like a faint light at the end of the tunnel which is better than pitch back darkness.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

[Zebedee1971 in reply to Zebedee1971]

Sorry £148 a week!