Missed miscarriage after IVF (ICSI)

[CheeseFriend]

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting on here. I don’t really have a question, just thought it might help me to share my most recent fertility heartbreak with this community.

We found out about a year ago that it would not be possible for my husband and I to conceive naturally due to male factor issues (very low sperm count, poor motility and morphology).

We had our first round of ICSI last summer and very sadly none of the 7 mature eggs collected fertilised.

After a bit of a break, we had our second round of ICSI this January. The embryologists used zymot and AOA (artificial oocyte activation) in the lab and this time we ended up with 4 blastocysts! We used one in a fresh transfer and one was frozen, but the other two were too low quality to be frozen.

I was absolutely shocked when I found out at the beginning of February that I was pregnant from the fresh transfer. However, our happiness only lasted a couple of weeks as I’ve had a missed miscarriage. I’m sure miscarriages are always devastating, but it’s so hard after IVF.

As I said at the start, I don’t really have a question – just wanted to get all that off my chest!

[Twinbelgium]

So sorry you went through that. Would you be trying again?

[Anxiousintrovert]

I’m sorry, I’m keeping you in my thoughts x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Cheesefriend. Oh dear you’ve been through a lot of heartbreak, in a relatively short time. Perhaps time for a rest and look after yourself, while you think about going forward again. Perhaps a bit of counselling too would help. Have a look at bica.net who deal with all types of fertility issues, including relationships while having treatment. There is a charge, but it’s not excessive. Obviously I wish you well. Diane

[RedFox23]

Hi, we’re in a similar situation. My husband has very poor morphology and hardly any swimmers (2%). We had a failed fresh transfer and more recently a successful frozen. We found out 2 days before the twelve week milestone that our baby’s heart had stopped. It’s crushing.

Today, out of the blue I had a call from a midwife for a 18 week check up I had to tell her that I didn’t need a phone call. I feel crushed all over again, truly devastating and I have found that nothing helps but time. Sending love

x

[Doodlebug23 in reply to RedFox23]

Not the same but I remember my mum constantly having to tell people calling that my dad had died. Just op we me up the wound that you’re trying to heal 😓😓

[Twiglet2 in reply to RedFox23]

I’m so sorry that happened to you 😢 I got a letter for a scan after our misscariage and it was crushing to be reminded of where we should be. Sending you love 🧡

[RedFox23 in reply to Twiglet2]

It definitely brings it all to the front of your mind again. X

[Here4ivfinfo]

This is so brutal, I’m so sorry to read that you’re going through this. To go from the high of being pregnant against the odds to it then not working out must be awful. I have not experienced this myself so I don’t have anything helpful to say but I’m thinking of you and hope that your luck changes very soon 🍀

[Teddybearfriend]

hi CheeseFriend, I just wanted you to know you are not alone. This happened to me in October after ivf. It was so heartbreaking but it does become easier and I’m keeping positive. Sending you positive energy

[Infragilis]

Hey, this is so unfair. I went through this a year ago. Take time to heal and cry as much as you need to. What I did was then make a plan for our next steps. We are still trying. Not yet successful but have not given up hope. What is important is to put your feelings first and do what you feel will help you. It will definitely get better and focus on all the good things in your life xxx

[Nes1005]

Hello

I hope you are doing okay today and I am sending you my thoughts and wishing you feel a little better.

Myself and my partner had our first ivf in feb 22, I was 41 - we fell pregnant and watched our beautiful baby grow at 7 and 10 week scan each time terrified and then relieved.

Sadly at our 12 week scan , some issues our found and after a further month of testing, waiting and being trapped in a living hell watching my boy looking to our eyes completely fine scan after scan , I gave birth to him sleeping a little before 20 weeks. He was the Most perfect boy and We spent 3 precious days with him, leaving him at the hospital and saying goodbye took my soul away.

Having gone through a fibroid operation and then IVF to be able To make him only to then go through the cruel events that followed was the hardest and saddest thing I can ever imagine we as humans can go through.

It is almost two years exactly since I had My positive test with him and I still think about all of it pretty much every day.

I just wanted to say, you will survive and things will get easier but it takes time. Let yourself be sad and any other emotion you feel, and be kind to yourself. It’s a cliche but it really takes time, I’m still learning to live with it all 2 years on but it does get easier.

I have trauma counselling once a week, I started that about 9 months ago and it’s saved my life to be honest, particularly whilst still going through IVF treatments. Counselling is not for everyone but I would recommend it. I would say to anyone considering it, make sure you get someone experienced in fertility and baby loss, I had a tried another counsellor before the wonderful one I have now and it just didn’t work, she didn’t have the background.

Sending thoughts and hugs and hoping you feel a little better day by days.

Sending more hugs to each and every lady/couple on here going through loss and fertility struggles. You are all strong and amazing ❤️❤️❤️

[GemRim]

Really sorry to read this after all you’ve been through. Xx

[Twiglet2]

I’m so so sorry 😢 we’ve been there too and it’s heartbreaking and sad but the emotion I struggled most with was the frustration of finally being so close! I’m so glad you’ve reached out here I found talking to people not invested in my life the most beneficial and even reached out to counselling service my work provided, it really helped just to get it all out xx 💜

[Meeandembryos]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I had a missed miscarriage in January after a becoming pregnant with my frozen embryo. Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. I'm currently doing my next round quite quickly after my miscarriage x

[Blossom_4]

I am so sorry, it is so hard. I still think about what could have been etc.

my husband had the same male factors and the nhs never look further into it. My husband and I both discovered Jonathan Ramsey who has helped so many males, and has helped improve my husband a lot, and he said that we could try naturally now, but as my eggs were going down, it’s probably best to go through ivf and we ended up with two blast embryos, and currently 29 week pregnant. Don’t give up hope, and look up Jonathan Ramsey. BFN did a podcast, listening to it gave me hope. Sending lots of love and hugs x

[CheeseFriend]

Thank you so much for all your kind messages xxx