I honestly don't know how much more I can take. 9 weeks ago i was pregnant in my 5th fresh ivf. I started bleeding and the lines got fainter on the test. I'm just not dealing with it very well.
Tonight is the first time I've full on ugly cried about it all. I was ok to begin with and thought I was handling it all really well. Even sorting out next round of ivf.
Now I just feel so alone and isolated. No one understand what this is like. I just feel like I'm making a huge thing about it all. I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating right, I'm surfing off caffeine (which I'm aware destroys fertility). I've just had enough.
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Soapsuds86
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Awww I can relate to this so much! I had a bfp on our 5th transfer....sadly ended in a loss a 6wks. Ugly cry all you need, there is no way to feel!! I had a meltdown, my husband had a massive meltdown, like nothing I've ever seen. It's ok to not be ok. Massive hugs. Life is incredibly cruel.xx
I'm sorry for your loss. Its proper rubbish isn't it. I'm just tired of grieving. I'm tired of feeling do down all the time about miscarriage, or ivf process or ttc or seeing g others with babies. I'm just done with it all xxx
It does get tiring, I'm not gonna lie! You like me have been here far too long but we obviously have some left fight us!! Cry, shout, do whatever you need to do, you are so strong even if it doesn feel like it right now!xxxx
You’re right, no one understands. It’s cruel and no one can possibly put themselves in your shoes. I had friends say ‘oh I know EXACTLY how you feel because I’ve had a miscarriage too...’ no, you don’t, you don’t know the effort and sacrifices that go into getting pregnant from IVF. The hopes we pin on it, the wishing, the dreaming that we do... That’s not to take away from their horrible experience but it’s different for us I think.
You make as big a thing out of it as you need to and cry if you feel like it too. After my fourth miscarriage I cracked on like nothing had happened and it was the worst thing I could have done. I turned into a robot and felt... nothing... about anything!! Until I suddenly started feeling angry, at everyone! I eventually sought some counselling and it was the best thing I ever did. It helped me to pin down some of the reasons I felt the way I did, some of which stemmed back to childhood and not wanting to disappoint people believe it or not... sending you the biggest virtual hug I can. I don’t have any words that will make you feel better, just know you are not alone xxx
Thank you so much! That's so true! Any miscarriage is sad but an ivf one is just devastating at the fact of how much went into it to get there. I've only ever been pregnant twice on 7 years of ttc and both ivf miscarriage.
I'm scared I'm at that stage where I cant feel. I have all.this emotion in me but it doesn't come out. I've stopped crying tonight. It's like I've got none left. I'm getting irritable and very anxious though so is probaly how its effecting me.
Haven't got counciling until end of this month. I've never felt the standard emotions of failure of infertility until now. I just don't think.i can do it any more. I feel like I've let everyone down.
Interesting your counciling went that far. You absolutely learn so much more about yourself going through all this. Thank you xxx
I totally sympathise! I found last cycle with a BFP incredibly difficult. In some ways worse than a BFN but nothing really prepared me for a loss. I dont suppose anything ever can & even part of my job involves this so I have a level of understanding....its just....rough! My husband was uncontrollably upset and I think that in some way helped me get through it, I had to step up. It's still early days, lean on each other, lots of hugs, tears....just hold onto each other so tightly!! I really hope counselling & time brings you some peace!xxx
Oh hun I totally hear you, it's is such a tough and difficult journey that we are on. Unless you have walked in our shoes people don't really get it and it can be frustrating when whilst well intentioned they say I understand what you are going through.
No you don't understand what it's like to a get a BFP for the first time and be excited beyond words and in a second your dreams are shattered and it breaks you. I never realised how this journey could break me after 2 mc's I do in my heart believe that I will realise my dream.
I'm sorry hun I should be giving you words of advice but I'm in dark spot at the moment.
But I guess we all have our days and moments and we are entitled to wollow, ugly cry, hide from the world or do whatever it is we need to do to get through. I am so lucky to have found this amazing forum and women who understand and also provide me with loads of comfort and inspirational stories.
You take care of yourself, sending you loads of positive thoughts and big hugs 😘😘
Exactly! People don't know what to say or think.theyre saying the right thing. I saw an article online that said if you wouldn't say it at a funeral, dont say it to a bereaved mother. I thought that helps explains it s little.
I'm sorry you're in a dark spot too. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me even if youre feeling down yourself.
This forum is so amazing and so full of inspirational women who are all chasing their dream.
Thank you so much. I wish you well too and hope things become easier to deal with soon xxxx
I'm so sorry. You must cry all you want because this is the biggest reason to cry. You shouldn't feel like you can't let it all out. It must be so awful for you. Xxxx
Thank you. I wish I could give myself permission to be upset. It's so difficult as I'm also being bullied at work due to this and it overlaps it all. I've now notified work and think maybe now the miscarriage grief is coming out. It just sucks xxxx
Sending lots of warm hugs and love. Life can be so bitter, bitter but u must believe it will get better soon with time. Ugly cry all u wan no one will ever understand unless they have been in ur shoes.❤❤❤❤
No one understands it unless they've felt the highs and lows of ivf. I find myself even saying.g I shouldn't be upset as I was only x amount weeks pregnant. Yet I fell asleep last night clutching hold of the positive pregnancy tests feeling like my chest would explode from the pain. xxx
I know the advise people will always give is stay strong and sometimes it’s because you just literally don’t know what to say for the best .Nothing saddens me more than women suffering these type of losses and I just hope you find the power to keep pushing forward I’m a strong believer in what’s ment for us won’t pass us by lots of love and hugs to you sweetheart wherever you are xxx and remember us girlies are all in this together xxxx
Thank you so much. I have a little frostie waiting when I'm ready so that'll be new as never done a frozen round.
It's that horrible sadness I'm feeling where it hurts that much I don't even know what I'm feeling. Everyone carries on and I just want to shake them for them to understand how much pain I'm in.
I'm also being bullied at work too because of this. I'm actually distraught at how nasty the world can be. xxxx
Your so correct it's hard but we havisited to go through it. Thank God for the group that help us in coping with this monster of infertility. Well this is my second round of ivf. The frist one was a fresh one and this one is a FET. Keeping fingers crossed and praying that it work this time.
My first cycle ICSI was negative when I did my pregnancy test I was devastated I don’t know what to do next , I read some articles about Fertilaid men and women capsules, I will start next weeks , one of my friends use it after 3 months she got pregnant after 15 years married . Don’t give up please I know how you feel . We are in the same boat, but if I got pregnant with this Fertilaid meds I will let you know .
So sorry to hear this. I just had my 4th failed round. It’s so tough-you just hit rock bottom. I think it’s all the build up, the anticipation, the hope and then for it all just to be taken away. The emotional investment in each round, not to mention the time and financial! And it’s not just as if you can try again next month like most.☹️ I think anyone going through ivf has a strength they never realised they have. You are stronger than you know. You will get through these dark days and there may be many but allow yourself to cry, to howl, to have self pity, to question ‘why me’. And then gradually you’ll be able to then think about what next. I always need a plan b and that keeps me focused. It’s not always easy but we’re all thinking of you and if anybody understands what you’re going through it’s the group on here so use us for as many rants or tears or emotional support you need.xx
Thankyou 😘 I agree with everything you've said. Thank you. Yeah I'm normally a plan b, c, d, type of girl but I'm just so deflated right now of any energy to be able to see the next hour. I had done so well, to he through the ivf this round and initially when miscarried. Now it just feels like it's all coming out.
Absolutely, anyone going through ivf is amazing a tough cookie. It's so underestimated.
I'm also going through some issues at work where I'm actually being bullied due to this xx
Hey hun, I could have written that myself I know exactly how you feel. I was pregnant this year In April after an ivf CP in march 2018. I went for my 7 week scan and there was no heartbeat just an empty sac that I had to deliver a few days later. And just like you i bounced back quickly and focused on the frozen embryos i have. Now I'm about to start the FER I feel mentally a mess. I totally am with you it's the thought of facing it again it. Your amazing how you've found the strength after 5 tries I'm in totally awe of you and the only thing that keeps me going is hope. I am luky to have a 6 year old from my first ever round of IVF but i ache for another child as much as I ached for him. Thinking of you hope today's been a better day xxxx
Oh hun that's awful. I'm so sorry for your loss. That's awful to get to.the scan to find out. That happened in my first miscarriage and I had ohss.
I'm just tired of grieving. Its all.I do. I was so together when it first happened and now I'm back to taking it day by day. When do you start fet? I suffer badly on the meds too so makes me dread it but everyone keeps saying fet is a lot less invasive so it gives me some hope.
Today's not been great but had a better afternoon at work as a distraction. A baby is the only thing that's going to take all this away xxx
So sorry to hear. You're right no one can fully understand, but all I would say is give yourself time to grieve, be kind to yourself. Take some time out if you can and if you need to comfort eat or whatever that's perfectly normal. Have a think about your options going forward and remember people on here can offer support x
It is. Its an emotional roller coaster draining, overwhelming etc. It won't be easy but do what you can to make it easier for you. Get union advice if you are being bullied at work. Or take time off sick. You are grieving
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