Mixed Emotions 😓

[PurpleLove19]

So I posted last week about dreading going back to work.

I’ve actually been pleasantly surprised as it’s been quite relaxed and it’s helped me to focus better. I’ve been more up beat and positive and I’ve slept much better.

But... I’ve been having really strange dreams. I mean really odd. I dream regularly anyway but I get strange dreams when I’m mithered. I’ve had three consecutive nights of similar dreams.

Today I woke up feeling really mithered and anxious.

Me and the Husband went out with the dogs and tried to keep busy. Whilst walking he asked me what we should plan in for this year, he wants do things to our garden, plan a couple of trips and maybe a holiday. I found myself having no interest in giving him an answer. I said I just don’t know- truth is I just want to get started on our treatment. I just want to be pregnant and doing the empty room to be a nursery.

We went in a couple of shops and I wanted to buy my soon to be God Daughter, she’s due anytime, a gift. I was looking at the cute Peter Rabbit gifts for newborns when a pregnant woman came by the side of me rubbing her belly admiring all the gifts. I felt so sad that it wasn’t me and just wanted to feel what she was feeling.

I went in another shop and I felt all happy when I brought this cute present for her nursery.

I got home and just thought “Why not us?”

I then struggled to concentrate on anything, watching TV was a struggle.

My period is 2 days later than normal and I’ve started spotting. So tomorrow il be emosh.

I said to my husband “I know it isn’t possible for it to happen but when my period is just one day late, I look for all symptoms and start to think maybe we have a miracle!” So when it does come I’m mad at myself for even thinking it!

When will this all be okay?

xx

[Dream_possible]

I feel sorry for you my English is not so good but I felt the same emotions two days when I have negative test after failed ivf cycle and I began to lost hope and I want to die I have low ovarian reserve and my husband has rare disease that cause sterility our chances to become mom and dad less than 10% so I understand your feeling but we have to keep moving forward don’t lose hope may be it happen no body know enjoy your life love your husband stop negative thinking we live only once

I don’t know if it will help you or not ☺️☺️

[strong-girl]

Hi I read ur post and it reminded me of how I used to feel that strong feeling of loss that only a child could fill

But I want to say one thing to you and I want you to remember and believe it never lose hope for you don’t know what will happen the lord is the best of planners my 8 weeks old duaghter is sleeping in the Moses basket next to me right now I Never thought it would happen I lost hope I was hurt people were inconsiderate and jabbed and made comments like do u want a baby knowing I was struggling I cried I argued with my hubby but looking back I can still feel all that pain and I know it’s the un certainty that causes it but stay strong and be kind to yourself xxx

Sending you lots of baby dust and love

[PurpleLove19 in reply to strong-girl]

So happy for you.

I hope I get to post positive news soon. x

[Hidden]

My dreams are crazy...I mean, really insane. Just woken up from one where my frozen beautiful embryo was stolen by another clinic. They put my embryo hollandaise sauce....??!! Xx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Hidden]

That’s made me giggle to myself 😂 I had another dream last night- I think it’s all the dramas I watch x

[S_asha]

Hi Dace. I don't know when this will be ok I suppose it depends on what happens in the future. I totally know how you feel. I was just reading your profile. We've also been ttc for 2 years and it is breaking my heart each month too. I saw you've had the initial consultation for ivf? I don't know as we are still waiting for this but maybe when that starts there may be a new round of hope for you both. I really hope so and am so sorry you feel this way. One thing I do know is that you are not alone this group has shown me that even though I've only been on it such a short time. I know what you mean about plans and not wanting to make them i'mthe same- I just want to get started on getting pregnant. I feel as if my whole life is on hold. I hope in a week maybe sooner you will start to feel at least a little bit better. Periods are always such a reminder and a trigger point so don't be hard on yourself for feeling like this. Sorry for the essay !! but your post just seemed to echo my actual thoughts. I'm glad to hear going back to work wasn't as bad as you thought. I find sometimes work takes my mind off things briefly as kids are so perceptive so I have to try to be normal or they would ask me what was wrong and they always have so much to say and are (mainly) lovely so a welcome distraction. Wishing you all the best in feeling better soon and so much good luck on your ivf journey when it starts. So much waiting! But maybe and hopefully the waiting will pay off xxx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to S_asha]

You’re right- periods are a trigger point and in a week I will be a completely different person. I only have the odd bad day scattered around the month but more so when it’s my period.

Yes work has been a great place to be but I am exhausted.

I’m hoping this time next period treatment will begin on day 21 so I may feel like I’m getting that bit closer.

Thanks for your reply x

[S_asha in reply to PurpleLove19]

Fingers all crossed for you x