Mixture of emotions

[Klndmr]

Heyy lovely ladiesss hope you are all well and happy 😍😊🤗

I feel very strange hahaha but it's normal for us isn't it? On the day i had the phone call saying i have nothing to transfer my friend gave birth to a little girl and first thing affer the phone call was to see the baby's picture. Honestly im doing really well when I'm by myself and i can't really stand these babies stuff right now.

All my friends have babies and how to explain to them it's not good time for me to spend time with them, I just don't want it. Right now im happy by myself spending time with my husband and my dog that's enough for me. And the other thing all friend's advices and words like "ohhh don't worry it wasn't your time yet hopefully next time will be better" and this coming from people who got pregnant on their first or second try ot "by mistake"... I've told them few times just don't talk avout it please I don't wanna hear all these advices and "sweet" words trying to comfort me cause it's not comforting but making me feel like s.......

What is a good way to tell people to just leave yoi alone?! Hahahha Im so mean these days seriosly...

On the bright side i have my follow up on Tuesday and i can't wait to start over and get all injections and EC and hopefully this time we will have something to transfer and freeze 😍😊🤗

Im a good person really 🙊 Its just sometimes I feel tired of people... And is way more comforting to share feeling here and read people's stories because we all know how the other one feels 😍😊🤗

I justhad to "say it out loud" cause I've been smiling for the past few days but my heart is still "bleeding" a bit.

Have a lovely day and im sending you all lots of hugs and good luck with your journeys! And don't forget; share you good news, share you hopes and fears I will be here to read it and we are never alone because even not knowing each other we are important for each other! 😍😊🤗xxxx

[jengi]

Hello lovely, I’m always here to read and hear your story Xx Good luck with your appointment on Tuesday. Hugs Xx

[Klndmr in reply to jengi]

Thank you so much. And you, pack your bag and go relax and spoil yourself and hubby, you deserve it 😍😊🤗xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Im sorry it is a hard time seeing others with babies its not that your not happy for them but yeah why is it not you! I havent had too much of the next time or that kind of talk I really dont think people give a stuff especially after 3 mc its just get on with it, get over it none of my family have even seen me cry or even gone into detail about mc. I had a cry about a week after my last mc in frankie and bennys was sitting inbetween a pregnant lady and a woman with newborn well just got too much so I sat and the tears were rolling couldnt wait to get out of there proper sobbed some more in the car and when I got home lol My friends on a group chat when I told them I mc again were sympathetic one decided so say I just get a dog! I did reply why would I get a dog if I wanted a dog Id just go frigging buy one it not that hard! Oh the Silence............... and my cousins on that chat who is in hibernation while pregnant and just complains she fat and cant go anywhere I bite my tongue with her Id swap with her lardy arse (which it isnt) in a second!

[Klndmr in reply to Hidden]

We are humans and sometimes is quite difficult to carry all the stress on our shoulders and at the same time stay strong and smile and not show any emotions... I always have like a therapeutic cry once in a while. I just sit at home, watch a sad movie and then cry for a while and that cry takes out my negativity for a few good weeks xxx 😍😊🤗

[Tugsgirl]

Hey of course you’re a good person. Ttc with infertility turns us all into people we don’t recognise. It’s normal given the situation. Put yourself first. Protect yourself. True friends will understand xx

[Klndmr in reply to Tugsgirl]

Yeap. True 😍🤗 .

The only pregnancy announcements I really feel happy for are the ones i see here...

I know i feel like that today and i will feel different tomorrow. Luckily you are here to support and understand everyone's day to day emotions 😍😊🤗xxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Klndmr]

I’m the same. I’m still struggling to see and hear of pregnancies outside of this forum, especially the ones who get pregnant by accident.

I hope you get lots of good feedback at your follow up xx

[Klndmr in reply to Tugsgirl]

Will be! In the minute i share this kind of posts i already feel much better. It's just a moment feeling and im really looking forward to my follow up on Tuesday.

I hope you are well and happy and taking good care of yourself! Sending lots of hugs 😍😊🤗xxx

[Hidden in reply to Klndmr]

I am happy for everyone on here seeing babys or announcements, even friends I see on fb my age that have conceived I think good on ya I'm 38 nearly 39 high five but still feel meh whats wrong with us 3 chances and still nothing, my 2nd mc baby would have been due this sunday and my period is due yay

[Midge8 in reply to Klndmr]

I feel the same, my friend is on mat leave and is due soon but I just don’t want to see her it’s easier less stressful and less upsetting to just focus on us. Im not sure she really understands. We had ec yesterday and transfer booked for Tuesday but really dreading my dad’s 60th birthday meal as my sister will be there and they got pregnant first go without really trying and my parents are treating both my husband and I as children that we have to ‘get a grip’ basically that life has to revolve around my sister. We’re not really that close and she’s not very empathetic really I just don’t want to go and come away feeling stressed and upset when now is our chance to conceive and I don’t want anything to jeopardise that. None of our families know we are doing IVF as they’re been slightly disappointing in their support previously and really don’t get it as neither of our parents struggled to conceive. I know I sound a really awful person but it’s just how I feel and what we need to do and sometimes you just have to be selfish so I know exactly how you feel good news on here is so lovely to hear I’m genuinely happy for everyone and it gives people hope. It’s not that I’m not happy for my friends it’s just they don’t seem to understand and do come out with really unhelpful comments 😔 and ec went well and I’m staying upbeat in our bubble for as long as I can😊 good luck and lots of baby dust to everyone xx

[Kempton]

Hi Klndmr. Your post made me feel really sad. Of course you're a good person. Going through fertility issues is so hard on your mental health. It's really important to keep talking about how you feel (here or to a counsellor).

I'm sorry your friends are not being more understanding and it is just the worst when fertile friends keep offering their unwelcome advice. I think it's really important that you do keep your distance from your friends if it's helping you.

I'm not really offering advice but just wanted to say that you're justified in wanting to look after yourself.

I dont know your story snd why you didn't have anything to freeze but wishing you lots of luck with your next round.

[Klndmr in reply to Kempton]

Nooo pleaseee, dont feel sad! Its just one of these days and will be over soon. I even feel much better. It happens sometimes but luckily all goes away very quick.

In fact i just had a visit from my best friend and her 3 months old daughter (Im her godmother) and i feel absolutely great. This little girl always helps me wipe away all negative thoughts.

You take very good care of yourself and happy and healthy nine months! 😍😊🤗xxxx

[Kempton in reply to Klndmr]

Thank you..Still very early days yet but got that lovely reassuring nausea kicking in!

I'm glad you feel better. You sound loads better. Sometimes this journey just takes it's toll.

Wishing you so much luck on your journey and hope the follow up appointment is productive!

[Klndmr in reply to Kempton]

The lovely "nausea" its so weird how nice it feels when is related to a pregnancies hihi

Thankyou so much 😍😊🤗xxx

[jm22]

There's nothing wrong with taking a timeout from friends with babies, I have distanced myself a bit from friends with kids, temporarily hopefully,a true friend should understand, and when ur ready u can reconnect. As long as u are getting the support u need, take care xox

[Klndmr in reply to jm22]

I've been doing this for a year already. And today is one of these days...

Surprisingly i just had a visit from my best friend and her baby (she is 3 months old and im her godmother) and i don't feel frustrated anymore 😍😊🤗xxx

Goid luck with you 2ww and i hope you share some good news soon xxxx

[jm22 in reply to Klndmr]

I'm glad the visit went ok, hope ur next appointment goes ok and u can move forward soon with next cycle xox

[Klndmr in reply to jm22]

Thank you. Lets see what happens on Tuesday xxx

[Kat_15]

Hello. I sooo relate to your post. Since the beginning of the year, I have had four friends announce they are pregnant, attended three baby showers and three close friends have had their babies.

My WhatsApps groups/Facebook/instagram are filled with baby photos and news. Some days I cope with the news absolutely fine and offer days I burst in to floods of tears.

There isn’t a word in the English language that describes the feeling where you feel happy for others but so sad for yourself. It always makes me feel like an awful person too but we are just human after all and allowed to feel this way.

Sending you hugs. xxx

[Klndmr in reply to Kat_15]

The storyof my life for the past year and a half. Even people who didn't want kids gor pregnant 😁

Even the nicest person in the world will have difficulties dealing with the situation 🤗

Good luck with everything soon will be our turn 😍🤗😊xxxx

[Kat_15 in reply to Klndmr]

Exactly. ☺️Wishing you lots of luck too. It will be our turn soon. 😊😍🤗 xxxx

[Klndmr in reply to Kat_15]

Yayyyyy we are next hihi. Best of luck xx

[baby2016]

What you feeling is completey normal and we have all been there at some point, no matter how strong we all are. So don't feel for how you feel and if being with your hubby and dog (as is mine when times have been tough) then carry on doing this! You'll know when your 'healing' as without realising the things that upset you now won't upset you the same, and week by week the feelings of upset will reduce.

Good luck for tuesday xx

[Klndmr in reply to baby2016]

It's different every day isnt it? One day you are strong and able yo coop with everything life serves you, other days everything puts you down. Today will be a better day.

Hope yoi feeling great and take very good care of yourself! Thank you and lots of hugs xxxx

[Lyn84]

I know of two ppl pregnant who i am avoiding like the plague my partners ex and my partners sis in law i just can't handle it as i know they were both by accident also sooooo so fed up of the advice from ppl who don't have a clue what its like its starting to drive me mad my friend said how can you say you are fed up of talking to certain ppl about it yet you talk to ppl online about it! Well obviously everyone on here has an idea of how the other is feeling and won't make stupid comments i said 🙈 I don't blame you for how your feeling its hard not to let things get to you every now and again especially going through this!

[Klndmr in reply to Lyn84]

Hahaha i do try to avoid some in the same way. Its like when im out in town always hoping i won't see them haha.

And definitely is much easier sharing here and talking to people we don't know because sharing with friends you always get this look like saying "oh i feel so sorry for you" and i hate that look really.

So when is you start date fo the injections or is already started? Best of luck with everything and i hope you geg many good eggs 😍😊🤗xxx

[Lyn84 in reply to Klndmr]

Thank you Get my dates on 5th of march x

[Klndmr in reply to Lyn84]

Niceeee and soooo exciting. I have my follow up appt on Tuesday to make plan for my 2nd cycle.

Best of luck hun xx

[Lyn84 in reply to Klndmr]

Good luck to you too 🤞🤞🤞

[MamaVe]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles with pregnancy. I think the emotional rollercoaster is way too disappointing than the real failure at TTC. I bet it isn't really friendly when the women at work and family gathering can't stop talking about the kids... and I don't mind saying it simply used to get unbearable for me. Earlier I always wondered if they fail to comprehend their insensitivity towards me or it was deliberate but then slowly I realised just because they haven't been through the infertility troubles they fail to understand how it can affect someone. Glad I started being on the forum being able to talk freely here with women who perhaps understand and supportive did faint-out the bursting fury and agony. You're at least much better than me in fact for you can feign a smile and go on about your way. I couldn't. I withdraw from meetups, group lunch etc where supposedly there would be children discussed with some over-enthusiastic women poking up the question of my update on TTC.

[Klndmr in reply to MamaVe]

You know sometimes i even torture myself just to pretend im fine and is all.good. last year 5 of my friends had babies and i was there in the hospital in a room full of newborns numbers of times... I bought probably hundreds of baby toys and clothes and every single time i was hoping next time i will be buying them for myself. Sometimes trying to stay an look strong tears you apart. That's why at some point i just decided to distance myself from all that for a while and then people got upset with me but nothing to do. We are priority for ourselves and we have to think about our feelings and emotions more than we think for the others.

So keeping positive and getting through this kind of days will give us more power to keep going. Soon will be us, soon everything will be better than ever 😍😊🤗 Sending lots of hugs xxxx

[Core]

Good luck with Tuesday, I know exactly what you mean sometimes you just want to withdraw into your little bubble and having to keep a smile constantly on your face when inside you’re crying is exhausting xx

[AnnieAnnie]

I feel your pain! Even my own mum who knows of all of my infertility struggles and my latest no transfer cycle sends me a scan picture of someone's baby she works with as well as a video of my sister's vabys heartbeat which is recorded in a teddy bear (My sister is due to give birth in July) and she also continues to ask me questions and send me pics of baby girl clothes she's brought for my sister. I get that everyone else us excited about pregnancies but I can't feel it, not matter how hard i try. It just makes me sad die me and what I can't have and what I'm missing out on. Hopefully for us though one say our dreams will cone true and it will be our turn. We have to hope. Sending you hugs xx

[Novice_knitter]

Hun, this rings so true for me too! I managed to have a quiet word with a couple of my more understanding friends in the friendship group which helped. At one point I seriously thought I’d be ditching them all together - the baby talk took over the whole identify of the group for a time! 🙈

Good luck with this round - I’m in the middle of my second round now. It gets easier xx