I’ve not posted in a while but have been checking in regularly. I’m now with a lovely man and we have tests and a consultation booked over the next couple of weeks. Two years ago I had a rough time including an awful breakup with an ex and a sort of breakdown when I found out that I had a low ovarian reserve for my age and I extremely low AMH. I also had three ICSI cycles which resulted in three frozen blastocysts.
My boyfriend and I went to try having a child together first before considering other options, hence the tests. I’m absolutely terrified. I’m on holiday and should be enjoying it but I’m constantly anxious about the results. My greatest fear is that my AMH will be worse and that I’ll find out that I have no eggs left. Does anyone have any stories about tests two years after their first tests if that makes sense? I so scared about it all. I just feel sick xx
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Janop79
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Hey, lovely to see you back!! So pleased to hear that you've found a caring new man to share your life with and he sounds very supportive too. Its a really tough one as I guess you aleady know that things werent great a couple of years ago so you're fearing the worst. All of this fertility stuff is so out of our hands unfortunately but it doesnt stop us worrying that we wont get our dream of a baby. Do try to enjoy your time away with your lovely OH, try to spend lots of time together having fun and deal with whatever happens when you get home. One step at a time is all we can do on this journey.xxx
Thank you! He’s really lovely and I know I’m lucky. It’s hard to feel completely happy as this is hanging over me and we both want it so much. You’re right though, worrying won’t help and we’ll just need to deal with whatever the results are. It just seems so unfair that some of us have to go through all this when it’s so natural and easy for others.
I was so sorry to read about your loss. I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you all the best for your next DE cycle.
Thank you! Ready to get back on the horse so starting our next cycle soon. It does feel very unfair sometimes but we fight on!! Try to concentrate on making some lovely memories together for now.xxx
Yes very hard but at least when you come here you get some level of understanding....doesnt make you feel so crazy or alone! ha ha ha Thank you, I really appreciate it....we have 5 embryos and dont plan on doing anymore after this so fingers crossed we have a little luck on our side this time!!xx
Exactly! I don’t really have anyone around me who understands. All my friends seem to be super fertile and as much as I know they’d try to be supportive, I’m not sure it would help me.
I’ll be thinking of you and keeping everything crossed! Xxx
I have a low amh ( it was only 4 when I was 32 god knows what it is now at 37 😳) but I have managed to conceive twice naturally once my endometriosis was diagnosed & treated which was our only infertility issue ( one was a miscarriage & I’m 36 weeks tomorrow) It’s quality over quantity but I can understand why you would be worried. I was devastated by my low amh results. Some ladies take DHEA to boost their amh, might be worth asking your consultant if that would benefit you.
Agree with Cinderella5 enjoy your holiday & if you can try not to let it cloud your holiday. It can wait 🙂
Diane has a load of useful questions to ask the consultant, if you pm her your email address I’m sure she would be happy to send it over to you 🙂
Thank you so much for your reply and a huge congratulations to you too!
I need to not get so hung up on the AMH...I’ll keep telling myself that next week. I’d rather not have it if I’m honest but the clinic is insisting on it and then have I the baseline scan to look forward to the following week. I just need to try my best to calm down and will try as hard as possible.
I actually have some DHEA which I am yet to use. I’ve been taking Ubiquinol instead so thinking of taking DHEA also now.
Great idea about messaging Diane too. Will so that shortly.
I definitely think its a good idea to try and relax (as difficult as I realise that is). There is no point worrying until you have the test results back, and we can all agree that stress isn't helpful in this process, so try and enjoy your holiday!
The book 'It starts with the egg' might be helpful to you? I'm sure as this isn't you first rodeo you're maybe already aware of or even read it.
Best of luck and I hope you have a brilliant holiday!!
Thanks Emma. I really appreciate your reply. You’re right. Worrying isn’t helping at all. It’s worse at night. At least I have more distractions during the day. To be fair, it hasn’t been a complete disaster. It’s been lovely to be in the sun and spend some quality time with the boyfriend, it’s just that I have this constant black cloud above me which I try to ignore but often drags me back in.
I’ve heard about that book so will definitely purchase it on the kindle later.
I can really relate although I haven't been through half the trauma you have. I think my constant worry and anxiety is compounded by not feeling in control of anything; we are reliant on the fertility clinic and test results. I have managed to try and focus those bad energies into research (the book for instance) then I at least feel I am doing something positive and regaining a little control. I do suffer from anxiety anyway but I've downloaded a mindfulness app and when I feel myself starting to slip into an anxiety spiral I do some meditation, it really helps me. It is something you might consider? I know I'm at the stage I will try everything!!!
I'm always happy to chat if you need someone to listen to you. I know I don't have any close friends going through this and my OH doesn't completely grasp my worry. It can come off as patronising when people say, 'just enjoy your holiday'when you are consumed with worry.
So good that you're in a good place and ready to take this step. Try and enjoy your holiday, the concerns can go to the back of the shelf for a little while.
I had tests done at age 36 and again at 38 and amh had stayed pretty stable. It's a lot about quality over quantity anyway and the fact you've had some make it to blastocyst in the past seems encouraging. Best of luck xxx
I’ve tried meditation a few times in the past and I have found that when I’ve been able to do it, it’s really helped. I must try it again. I often struggle to stop the negative thoughts entering my mind but I suppose that’s part of the process.
Thanks for your support and for offering to be a listening ear. That would be lovely. All my friends either have children or are pregnant. None of them seemed to have any major problems conceiving so I feel that I can’t talk to them. My boyfriend doesn’t really understand. He thinks it’ll be OK and is more worried about his tests than mine. He says that we’ll deal with the results when the comes but he isn’t keen on going down hen IVF route although I know it’s because he doesn’t really understand it either.
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