1st failed FET-feel like a failure.what next??how do you cope??ivf not what I expected!plz experiences of failed cycles!

[crisps88]

Hi guys. We had a failed fet culminating in BNF this weekend. Couldn’t believe it. I’m 30, husband 33. Had one miscarriage together 8 years ago. Ttc 2.5 years. Unexplained infertility as neither of us had any problems, I just didn’t see why it wouldn’t work naively.

All the meds went well, injections. Then on scan I had large follicles on right and not many small on left. 10 in total. EC went ahead, I was so positive smiling happy. Absolutely crushed and devastated when they said only 3 collected. Then none went to blastocyst, one survived to day 5 which they implanted as a 5% chance as it had already as one of our two NHS funded cycles.

I honestly just feel like such a failure, I feel like I could’ve done so much differently and I didn’t even realise how many heart breaking stages were involved.

I would be so grateful to hear from people who have had experience on failed fets and what happened next?? We’re thinking of taking a 3 month break to try and get healthier and improve our chances. Do they tell you specifically why it went wrong and how long does your appointment take??

Thanks so much !!!!

[Core]

Sorry to read this, I had my first FET end in BFN in October, it was so hard like you say I never realised how many hoops you have to jump through for IVF! I didn’t have a follow up and went straight into the next one as we had some Frosties. I’m now on my 2nd FET, if this one fails we will be booking a consultation with the doctor to see what we can change for the next round xx

[crisps88 in reply to Core]

Fantastic that you had Frosties that’s great to have that extra chance, all my fingers and toes are crossed for you. I do hope it’s all positive I really do.

Absolutely it’s so crazy, it’s like if you have this you get, if you have this result you get this, if you have this pass through, you get this! Plus I just didn’t see a reason why it wouldn’t work!

I am going to totally revamp my diet and health, to be honest I’ve just carried on like normal and not changed too much and it looks like this may the Quanitity and quality of my eggs? I don’t know. I’m looking forward to a review to know the exact determination.

So gutted I didn’t even get one blastocyst. Thanks for your reply x xx

[Core in reply to crisps88]

Thank you lovely, we are unexplained and I do find the hardest thing is all the why questions? Our diet was really good and I genuinely don’t know what more I could have done and we still had a negative. I do think there must be quite an element of luck in the process.

I had fertility counselling recently and it was really useful so if it’s something your clinic do I would recommend xx

[crisps88 in reply to Core]

Definitely, and because you want it so much you’ve got so much to give and just all you’re living for sometimes. Definitely, I have seen they do offer it so I would try. I wouldn’t know where to start I think I would just break down! I agree with the luck for sure, it sometimes seems the luck of the draw which makes it even harder to swallow. Exactly, my diet wasn’t good so that’s something I could improve on but with yourself it must be harder to know what you can do more of. Did you have a follow up/review? Take care. X x x

[jm22]

Hey I'm so sorry to hear about ur bfn, we had 1 in February after a chemical on our 1st cycle last year. Every embryo we lose is a potential life so allow yourself time to grieve. We are taking some time to heal and try and enjoy ourselves a bit,we've also started counselling, which I really recommend. At present we're not planning anymore ivf,our counsellor told us not to make any major decisions at moment. Good luck for ur follow up appointment xox

[crisps88 in reply to jm22]

Thanks so much for your reply. I am so sorry on your loss, that must be so hard to see the positive and then to lose it ☹️ I totally agree it is a grievance. From the minute you see the transfer both together and they give you the photo of your embryo it just feels like there’s your baby.

I think the counselling sounds great as it’s something I think I could do with. Are you trying naturally now?

I wish you all the best it’s the hardest process in the world isn’t it.

X x

[jm22 in reply to crisps88]

We are going to start trying naturally again next month, to be honest since we started ivf fresh cycle this time last year I feel like we haven't really tried properly so kinda looking forward to it again. Definitely recommend counselling, I had the best nights sleep in a long time after our 1st session. I really things work out for u, good luck for ur next steps xox

[crisps88 in reply to jm22]

I agree, it’s almost so much a second nature to forget about an inimate relationship especially during ivf and after the massive shock and negativeness I think it may bring a couple closer together and just try to not focus on constant ivf. It does all consume your life. Wow for you guys to have had it a year ago is so hard for you, it must be so difficult for such a long period of time. Take care of yourselves. X. X

[here-_to_get_support]

I'm sorry to read this, we also had a negative result on Tuesday. I found the 2ww really hard and tbh it's really scared me about trying again. The meds have really affected my anxiety and seem to have brought on a depression. I spoke to a counseller and it helped. We too are taking a break, I need to feel like me again before we try again. It's such a hard process, which I am hoping in time will get easier to manage as at least we know what to expect from the process. xx

[crisps88 in reply to here-_to_get_support]

Im so sorry to hear your experience, it’s absolutely heart breaking is it. Sometimes I don’t know If I can cope! I feel like I can relate so much to your post, it’s like an emotional rollercoaster it’s so hard. Glad you’ve got someone to talk to and so important to get these emotions out.

Plus I have put on 15lb throughout ivf procedure and I have never felt more anxious and self conscious. So when you say feel like me again I totally agree. Not only physically but mentally. It’s not fair is it all we want is a baby and would be the best parents ever I just want it to happen.

Are you going to take a few months? Did your follow up or review appointment help(if you’ve had it?)

Best of luck cx

[here-_to_get_support in reply to crisps88]

Thanks for your message. Sometimes it feels incredibly lonely so it's always nice to talk to people. Friends try to understand but if they haven't been through it they just can't. We have or follow up next week.... XX

[crisps88 in reply to here-_to_get_support]

I totally agree, I stayed on one mums net thread and it’s quite quiet to be honest so this was my first post here to try and I don’t know, hear other stories, have and give support and just know your experience isn’t alone. It’s just the most consuming and unbelievably taxing process that I feel grateful and lucky to go on but it’s so hard especially now during this time. Feel free to chat and share your experience, it’s helpful I think. X x x

[Mainecoonfan]

I had a failed round in November. Collected 10 like yourself but numbers dwindled until I only had one 5 day blastocyst left, which was of the best quality. We have male factor infertility but that didn't stop me believing it was my fault. It took me a couple of months to feel "normal" again. I'm now doing round 2 and I can't help but be plagued by doubts of this round working. However in try and stay positive. They at least collected eggs. Some at least fertilised and 1 made it to day 5. These are all positives that some don't even get so in a way I'm lucky.

It is hard though.

[crisps88 in reply to Mainecoonfan]

Good news you are restarting that’s good faith and you need all the positivity you can. Exactly, you had a great quality blastocyst and that’s so important. One is all it takes (even though I hated this when people said it to me when on day 1 only one had survived) I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you

I know, it’s so difficult and such a hard and horrible situation you risk putting yourselves through. The stages are heart breaking, I naively really didn’t think it would be so hard especially from egg collection. Even going through it once, there’s nothing to prepare you and I agree I think you would more susceptible to being worried about it not working.

Like yourself, I genuinely didn’t think there would an issue and just imagined it being successful. Did you have a review and a follow us as to what happened? I know love and please don’t think it is your fault, it’s a horrible unfair luck factor I generally believe plays a part.

I am so hopeful for you. X x x