Advice Needed :-(

[Sprockerlove]

HI all

Just after some advice. Myself and my other half are not in a good place at the moment. We seem to be drifting apart and im not sure what to do to bring it back. I am on day 9 of my buserlin injections. I dont know whether they are making me feel worse or what.

My OH suffers from insomnia pretty bad and has been on so many different types of tablets to try and get it sorted, but they effect his sex drive, We havnt had sex for about 3 months. But he is now on mirtazipine and his sleeping is sorted but his sex drive hasnt come back. I am slowly running out of patience with things, he hasn't been the easiest person to live with swapping about tablets to try and find out the best thing that works. Whenever ive tried to talk to him hes just basically told me not to start and life then goes on as usual. He isnt the biggest talker, i find it really hard as im very open.

Im worried about the IVF and what will happen if i go through all this and he cant do the deed on the day.

Well today ive lost my shit and blown my top, and now i feel awful. I have said some things that i probably shouldn't of said but they are how i'm feeling, I dont want to feel like hes only with me for a child, Hes 37 and im 34. I dont want to feel like im his last chance to have a kid.

Argghhh, sorry for the rant, but i cant talk to anyone else about it.

Advice is welcomed with open arms

[oharal]

Oh darling this is a shame but I remember buserlin injections and they make your hormones go all over the place. Sounds like your both going through a hard time where health is concerned. Why don't you arrange a quiet night in, have a chat about both of your feelings openly with no shouting or judgements and hopefully move on from it? There seems to be a lot to worry about but honestly you have to try not to. Guys already feel pressured so adding anymore wont end well.. Does your consultant know about his sex drive being low? Also, just because his sex drive is low hopefully he can still perform the deed to the little pot!! Its such a hard process but you have to be there for each other.... I vote to plan a little time for one another and let you both say how you really feel so you understand how one another is feeling a little more. Explain to him that you need to talk to make things better xxxx

[Sprockerlove in reply to oharal]

Thank you. Hope fully we will be able to sit down tonight and talk. Im dreading going home to be honest,

I know they feel pressured, but i just think thats the only bit they have to do , and i know its hard, there is no way you could stick me in a room on my own and say get on with it, but we have to go through so much more, and i just feel like he doesnt get it. I dont know if he would be happy in telling the consultant, his idea of sorting a problem is to brush it as far under the carpet as possible.

Im hoping that hes calmed down a bit when i go home and like you said we can talk through things properly. xx

[Lisatequila]

Oh I really feel for you. the buserilin affects me really bad and makes me very down. And a bit crazy. The amount of times during this process I’ve told my man to find someone else because we obviously aren’t meant to be together otherwise it would happen, he’s better off without me etc etc 🤭🤭🤭

He’s still here thankfully!

His main concern (before realising the effects the buserilin! 😵) was if he could perform on the day. He’s never really masterbated (he’ll kill me for telling people this!) to the point of ejaculation.

We spoke to our clinic and he was able to do this at home as we could get the sperm there within the hour. It did not affect his sample at all. If we needed to be closer I think we would’ve just paid for a nearby cheap hotel. Are either of these an option? Sometimes being in more relaxed surroundings and being with your partner helps ease the anxiety.

Good luck 😉

[Sprockerlove in reply to Lisatequila]

thank you . Now ive got to go home with my tail between my legs and hope he doesnt hate me too much

I will try and have a talk with him tonight and see how things go. and stop myself from going loop at him. I think ive just bottled stuff up for so long that i just went like a loon this morning.. My OH just wont talk about any of it, i think if he starts to talk he will get himself in a state, which by not talking hes doing anyway and sending me mad in the process. We are only 40 mins away from the hospital so i might enquire and see what they say. Thank you. Im glad im not the only one. I thought people might be like you horrible cow!! xx

[Lisatequila in reply to Sprockerlove]

I nearly planted him one the other day when upset I said ‘one way or another I just want this to be over so we can stop putting our life on hold like the last few years’ (this is what the 2ww does to you lol) . He actually said ‘well it’s hardly been put on hold we’ve still done a lot’

Seriously I was shocked I thought you have no chuffin idea!!

I was a bit angry with him at first then i reasoned with myself it’s not his fault - we just have completely different experiences of this process.

Obviously I listed loads of things where I had been affected then I listed his 3 concerns (sample worry; time off work; what mood will I be in when he talks to me lol). He thought I was being harsh!!

Seriously men have no idea the worries and pressures and hormonal changes the women deal with. Never mind the drs/clinic/hospital/dietician/counselling appts and that’s before we’ve got to the injection stage.

but I guess it’s not their fault.

At least we all know on here and understand each other and can chat

[Sprockerlove in reply to Lisatequila]

Thank you, we cleared the air last night. He opened up to me much more than he has done before, there was lots of crying and it seems to have done us both the world of good. Ive just got to stop saying things i dont mean, there will only be so much i say before he goes ok byeee!

I will be glad when these injections are over, i have my baseline scan this Thursday so hopefully things will be a bit better after then,

Thank you for sharing with me, it has helped a lot xx

[Roco444]

Get it off your chest young lady,dont bottle things up...

[Hidden]

Sorry you are having such a nightmare, I agree with everyone else, Buserelin made me really miserable and everything feel quite hopeless.. the nurses told me afterwards they call it 'witches brew' its so horrible! You will feel so much better when you start stimming.

Its also probably FAR too much information but IVF has really played havoc with our sex life, ironically its been me feeling decidedly unsexy and not my OH, but this has also led to a few rows and arguments... I think what we have to remember is we are in a really really weird situation when doing IVF, so many rules, so many hormones, so many unspoken thoughts etc, don't think that your relationship as it is now is what it will be like - there is so much pressure and so many 'what ifs' for both people.. I just keep telling myself we will get back to normal and actually what doesn't kill you makes you so much stronger. And after 2 rounds and a MC we are definitely heaps stronger and more open with each other.

Sending you a massive hug, keep the channels of communications open and remember you on Buserelin isn't the real you so cut yourself some slack. And don't worry about performing on the day thing - our clinic told us they had LOADS of solutions to that as it has happened before xx

[Sprockerlove in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, we did have a huge row/chat again last night when i got home from work, but we actually both cleared the air, he said things that i had no clue that he was going through, so in someways it has both done us the world of good. Like you said, its the talking that helps getting through bad times, hes just not very good at it, but understands he must try to.

i think what everyone says, if you can get through IVF, you can get through anything!

Im glad this isnt really the real me, i do feel very up and down. Thank you for sharing with me, i hope things are on the up for you guys, you must be a very good team xxx

[hannahding]

I can totally understand how difficult this must be for you. My advice to you would be to maybe visit a therapist. Ask him to come along. This will help sort out things for you. Good luck to you. I am sure he will be there for you. Its just that on journeys like these things can get a little harder. Sending baby dust your way.

[Sprockerlove in reply to hannahding]

Thank you, im not quite sure if he would contemplate therapy, but i will ask if there is a service at my clinic. We did have a good chat last night, with lots of crying, so we seem to be in a better place today xx

[NCS88]

Sorry to hear this. Is there an option for your other half to produce a sample ahead of time and freeze it so you know it will be there when you need it? Lots of love xx

[Sprockerlove in reply to NCS88]

Thanks, you , yes im going to ask this Thursday when i go for my baseline scan xx

[Nodds]

Burserelin does funny things to you. I had my ET yesterday, but at approx day 9 of down-regging I had a huge row with my OH (we rarely do) and I was feeling quite depressed. I didn’t know what to do, so I did a spider diagram, writing down all my feelings, things he’d said which had upset me... etc. It did a couple of things 1) made me feel a bit better as I could think about other things having written them down so I didn’t forget them. 2) That evening I showed him the paper; he sat and read it (OH doesn’t communicate well, he like to reflect) he didn’t say much, but he said he understands (which helps). We agreed that this won’t last forever, even though it feels like it will. He now knows the crying and emotions are a side-effect and he needs to just be my support.

You’ll both get through this part of the journey stronger. Promise xxx

[Sprockerlove in reply to Nodds]

Thank you. That has helped xx

[Redpixie]

Definitely go to see your clinics counsellor. This is the exact reason that they offer this service. The stress of ivf is so rife. Give yourselves a break too. Can you book a little weekend away after the transfer? Just to chill and enjoy each other’s company

[Sprockerlove]

yes im definitely going to ask when i go on Thursday and see what they offer. We have got a few days away in Devon next week by the sea so although not really after transfer i think that will do us both good. Ive dug out the monopoly, (not sure if thats a good idea lol!) and hopefully that will do us both the world of good x