Why why why????: Sometimes this journey... - Fertility Network UK

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Why why why????

Starryeyes1984 profile image
13 Replies

Sometimes this journey is just so frustrating I oscillate between absolute rage and utter despair. Finding out I had pretty much no ovarian reserve at 33 was shock enough, particularly after 3 GPs had told me I was fine and to keep trying but to then deal with lack of donors in the U.K., fibroids, hysteroscopy, some tortuous clomid cycles and of course pregnancy announcements, births and insensitive comments everywhere I turn I thought we were finally on track to start DE IVF abroad. But oh no, now my smear test is abnormal so I have to deal with that first. I had one just 14 months ago and it was fine. I know it’s probably nothing and other people have it much worse but I’d really psyched myself up for 2019 being a better year than 2018 and I thought I was done with endless tests. We had a timeline to get excited about and now I feel like yet another unexpected roadblock has been put in the way. Sorry to whinge, the news has ruined my day really.

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Starryeyes1984 profile image
Starryeyes1984
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13 Replies
jengi profile image
jengi

Awh hun, I’m sorry to read your frustration. I am sure it is nothing, I got called back for a 2nd smear last year too. It’s probably just a formality. The sooner it’s over the sooner you’ll have a result and you can get back on your plan. Stay positive! Xx Keep us posted! Xx

Yogagirl37 profile image
Yogagirl37

This journey is so so tough. I totally understand the rage and despair emotions. Just when you finally think your on track another hurdle falls in your path. I’ve been there. Let your emotions out. Like you say your smear is probably just a minor issue that can be dealt with soon. You want to go in to your treatment in the best possible shape. I have everything crossed you will be back on track in no time. 🤞🏻

MissSaoPaulo profile image
MissSaoPaulo

It's very probably nothing. Loads of smears come back abnormal and the second one they do is clear. On the other hand, I ended up having to have part of the cervix cut away to remove abnormal cells. If there is something a bit off there it needs to be sorted before pregnancy because your immune system becomes depressed when pregnant and anything nasty there would have a field day and perhaps develop into something serious.

I can understand your frustration. You've had a lot of setbacks, but if it's nothing you won't lose much time and if it's something it's lucky it's been caught now. Hope it's nothing and you're back on track really soon xxx

Autumnmoon profile image
Autumnmoon

I'm sorry you have yet another setback to deal with life is very unfair hope this is soon sorted and you are back on track try to do a couple of treats so that you do have some things to look forward to x

Refocus profile image
Refocus

Hi Starryeyes, sorry to hear you've had this roadblock, I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. It just adds to the stress and you feel like it eats into precious time. As someone else said above, you want to go into the next step in the best possible condition and hopefully the next smear date shouldn't take too long. Feel free to rant away! We all understand xxx

Drives profile image
Drives

Really sorry to hear you've hit another bump in this journey. I'm hoping your smear is nothing serious & you can get back on track with your plans soon 😘

Sending you lots of positive vibes x x x

Starryeyes1984 profile image
Starryeyes1984

Thanks everyone. I went to the gym last night which helped calm me down. I’m focussing on losing weight and getting as fit and strong as I can before we start treatment. I’m obviously glad that this was picked up, and I’m sure it is nothing serious but man it feels like everything just takes ages and we’re desperate to get started! I think my frustration was exacerbated by my friend having twins yesterday. She got pregnant by accident. What I wouldn’t give for a happy accident!

It makes you feel that way as its so frustrating every time you try to get somewhere the door gets slammed in your face ad infinitum!

I am so sorry - this happened to me. Finally got ivf go ahead but couldn’t without a smear even though my last ‘all Ok’ one was only 12 months 4 days ago, week after my smear on a Friday night I get a text confirming an appt with an oncologist! Wtf! You can imagine I panicked, long story short I then got a letter the next day, smear was dodgy. Thought world was ending and it would ruin ivf - but actually had colposcopy - all fine and started ivf 6 weeks later

Got everything crossed the same happens for you xxx

Elynn profile image
Elynn

You aren't whinging...crikey dikey girl you are being put through the wringer. I'm so sorry your heart is taking a battering. Sending huge hug and l will be thinking of you. Hope you have loving support from friends n family. This is only a season...you will get there 😆

Starryeyes1984 profile image
Starryeyes1984

We have great family and glad we haven’t had to keep all of this to ourselves. Got an appointment with the nurse on Wednesday so hopefully the last result was just a blip and we’ll be back on track in a few weeks.

Starryeyes1984 profile image
Starryeyes1984

Just had an appointment with the nurse and she said wait 3 months before doing another smear test! I know it’s not long in the grand scheme of life but all plans now seem to be out the window. Yet more waiting, yet more tests. I am in a major funk!

Nobabyyet profile image
Nobabyyet

This can be so toturous. Sorry for all your trouble and set backs. Totally normal to feel everything you are feeling. Life can be a real b**** and infertility/ivf one of the toughest. Its so out of your control.. all you can do is breath and stay strong. X

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